May 24, 2017

Father Figure

Facebook tells me today that I’ve been friends with Ivan Ujueta for four years.

This is a lie.

We’re not friends.

Our sometimes-complicated relationship has always been more than that—for much longer than that. And it’s something for which I’m deeply grateful today.

Kyoshi Ivan (kyoshi is a title given to karate masters) was a father figure to me during the years in which I had no relationship or contact with my alcoholic father. Kyoshi was my first karate instructor, and I idolized him. He was strong, confident, and generous. As a karate instructor, he was tough, demanding, and inspiring.
 
Kyoshi Ivan Ujueta of the Professional Karate Institute in San Antonio
 
I remember the first time I saw him 25 years ago at a San Antonio mall. I gazed with other onlookers through a glass storefront window while he taught a bunch of karate kids. He had a bald head, a finely trimmed goatee, and arms to rival Popeye. I was mesmerized, and I pretty much stayed that way the entire time I trained with him.

Oh, let's be frank: he scared the crap outta me, too.

There were many days when I was sure I’d die during one of his workouts. He taught jukido (“the gentle, powerful way”), an eclectic blend of half a dozen Japanese, Chinese, and Korean martial arts. I was terrified almost every day on the mat. He made me get over my fear of rolling (I might break my neck), falling (I might break my arm), and sparring (I might die for lack of oxygen).

There were many tests I was sure I’d fail. I never did.

There were times—fewer and thus that much more memorable—when he praised my performance and technique in front of my classmates.
 
He helped me through many dark days of early sobriety. I doubt he realized this. He was so important to me. I wanted to be like him in so many ways. I loved him dearly, as I would my own father.
 
When I moved away two years later to take a job at a newspaper in Austin, I left with mixed emotions. By then, we had grown spiritually close, and then grew spiritually apart, for we held different views. The details are unimportant, for the ultimate outcome is more telling:

When I opened Tao of Texas Martial Arts Institute in 2006, he was the first instructor I hosted for a seminar. My students loved him, and some still talk about his dynamic, powerful presence.

Through the years, we have somehow maintained a special relationship. Few may ever really get how much we mean to each other. And that’s O.K. No one else has to understand. A higher power put us together at the same place and the same time for different reasons. We each honored that meeting, and that's all that matters to me.

So, Facebook, thanks for the (erroneous) reminder. Kyoshi and I have been more than friends for more than four years, and today, I’m grateful.