tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5255489277641539842024-02-18T20:04:17.859-06:00Searching for GrasshopperA Martial Artist's Quest for PeaceCATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-56619971621121052162018-04-09T08:38:00.002-05:002018-04-09T08:40:11.428-05:00ATHLETES AT RISK, Part 5: Time to Hold Abusers and Enablers Accountable<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhx2-fgHrNJ2aw3lOuTxIeXBOvzeOHm047rNVkjeLZESeQ8h4-0Oq25lJBOi_UfKEQLgD_E4hXdkpyY9FUsKkVkmvE-pnhGK-Dx9zq8q0BaGqFR94ozgREUe4nCKaLxaY-zFJWOdj4pEvU/s1600/AccountabilityArt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="391" data-original-width="620" height="201" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhx2-fgHrNJ2aw3lOuTxIeXBOvzeOHm047rNVkjeLZESeQ8h4-0Oq25lJBOi_UfKEQLgD_E4hXdkpyY9FUsKkVkmvE-pnhGK-Dx9zq8q0BaGqFR94ozgREUe4nCKaLxaY-zFJWOdj4pEvU/s320/AccountabilityArt.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"></i></b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Final
in a 5-part series</i></b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">COMMENTARY <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">by Cathy Chapaty<span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span></i></b></i></b></span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></i></b></i></b></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I<span style="font-family: "calibri";">t’s time.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">It’s long past time for the U.S. Olympic Committee (USOC) and
USA Taekwondo (USAT) to admit that former leaders stood idly by while predator
coaches abused young athletes unabated. It’s time for leaders to admit that
these organizations turned their backs on the nation’s best and most vulnerable
athletes when they needed protection the most—that leaders traded their safety for
medals, money, and patriotic glory.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And it’s time to finally hold abusers and the leaders who
enabled them criminally and financially responsible.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">In the past few years, several U.S. Olympic organizations—including
USAT—have been rocked by allegations that they mishandled past sexual abuse and
misconduct claims. A bipartisan Congressional committee has now expanded its
investigation to include all 48 Olympic governing bodies, and a public hearing
is expected sometime in the next month.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“Based on information received to date, the Committee is
concerned that a pervasive and systematic problem exists in Olympic sports,”
the House Energy and Commerce Committee wrote recently in a letter to the USOC.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Congress, shouldn’t go easy on the 48 sports governing
bodies, which have had decades to predator-proof their organizations. In fact,
they’ve done too little, unconscionably allowing minor athletes to be abused by
medal and championship winning coaches and adult athletes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<h3 class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
The “open secret” is
out</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The presence of abusive coaches and athletes has been an
“open secret” in the U.S. Taekwondo Olympic community for about 30 years,
according to multiple coaches, referees, and past and current athletes.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">USAT has only recently taken a public hit amid allegations
that it mishandled past abuse claims and failed to hold hearings in a timely,
fair, and impartial manner.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Let’s be fair: Sexual abuse and misconduct is not just a
problem within USAT, as evident by lawmakers’ call for all 48 organizations to
file reports. Surf the Internet, read local newspapers, or peruse police arrest
logs and you’ll find an ugly underbelly of sexual abuse and misconduct in
America. From church youth pastors and school teachers to Little League
coaches, anywhere there is an imbalance of power, there are those who have used
their roles as mentors and trusted servants to abuse the most vulnerable.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The accusations facing USAT coaches and athletes are no
different.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">However, abuse has been particularly pervasive in the
martial arts community due to a culture that promotes a master-student
relationship, where a God-like authority figure expects respect and unwavering
obedience from athletes.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Anywhere there is an imbalance of power and
authority—anytime an instructor lacks boundaries and integrity—abuse can and does
occur. (In 1995, my taekwondo instructor in Austin, Texas, was arrested in the
sexual assault of one of his students.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I’ve been a
Taekwondo student for more than 20 years, a martial arts teacher and mentor for
17 years, and a longtime member of USAT. I’ve witnessed heartbreak and
frustration again and again as the organization’s past leaders turned into
enablers by not holding thorough investigations of coaches and athletes
suspected of abuse—and by threatening reporting athletes—in a blatant and
unapologetic effort to put money and medals over athletes’ welfare.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">If you think
USAT’s problems have been imagined, consider this short timeline of recent events:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">In September 2015, former USAT coach Marc </span><a href="http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-taekwondo-instructor-sexual-abuse-20151026-story.html"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri";">Gitelman
was sentenced</span></a><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> to more than four years in prison for multiple felony counts
that included unlawful sexual intercourse and lewd acts upon a child. Plaintiffs
claimed that the USOC and USAT </span><a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/olympics/an-athlete-accused-her-coach-of-sex-abuse-olympic-officials-stayed-on-sideline/2017/02/14/35a6fc76-d2eb-11e6-a783-cd3fa950f2fd_story.html?utm_term=.f5a26509cc17"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri";">didn’t
heed warning signs</span></a><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> or take action following victim complaints.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Two years ago, USAT opened an investigation into
sexual abuse allegations against Jean Lopez and his brother, three-time Olympic
medalist Steven Lopez. Despite the investigation, the Lopez brothers were
allowed to compete in the Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro in 2016.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Last summer, then-USAT Executive Director Keith
Ferguson </span><a href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/2017/07/11/usa-taekwondo-allowed-felon-compete-after-ignoring-its-own-rules/464801001/"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri";">reinstated</span></a><span style="font-family: "calibri";">
suspended Paralympic athlete David Metz, allowing him to compete at the
national championships. Ferguson reportedly lacked the authority to lift the
suspension of Metz, a twice convicted felon. According to USAT’s Code of
Ethics, any felony conviction or plea of guilty or no contest “at any time,
past or present” is considered a violation. A couple months later, USAT </span><a href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/2017/10/26/taekwondo-athlete-who-suspended-then-reinstated-gets-suspended-again/804055001/"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri";">suspended
Metz again</span></a><span style="font-family: "calibri";">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">In September 2017, Ferguson </span><a href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/2017/09/05/executive-director-out-usa-taekwondo-after-handling-misconduct-cases/634989001/"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri";">resigned</span></a><span style="font-family: "calibri";">
amid accusations that USAT mishandled misconduct cases during his tenure.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">More recently, multiple sources report that
confidential details of an ethics case were leaked, resulting in the reporting
athlete being harassed by supporters of the accused.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<h3 class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Justice awaits</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Finally, though, there have been signs of positive change.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Last year, a California Superior Court awarded three women </span><a href="http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-taekwondo-instructor-judgement-20170803-story.html"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri";">$60
million in a civil case</span></a><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> against Gitelman.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Meanwhile, on Wednesday, the U.S. Center for SafeSport </span><a href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/2018/04/04/olympic-taekwondo-coach-jean-lopez-banned-sexual-misconduct-minor/485501002/"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri";">banned
Jean Lopez</span></a><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> for sexual misconduct after a year-long investigation.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Mandy Meloon, a former USAT Team member, filed a formal
complaint against Jean Lopez with USAT as early as 2006, alleging that Lopez
inappropriately touched her in 1997 while the two were traveling
internationally for a competition. She was 16 years old. Meloon was
subsequently removed from the team. In addition, former USAT Team member Heidi
Gilbert said Lopez assaulted her twice, once after the Pan American Games in
Ecuador in 2002 when she was 19 years old, and again a year later while the two
were in Germany for the World Championships. Other women have since come
forward with similar allegations.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">In its suspension of Lopez, SafeSport investigators
reported, “Given the number of incidents reported over a span of several years
and by multiple reporting parties, most of whom have no reasonable motive to
fabricate an allegation—much less multiple, distinct incidents—of misconduct,
the totality of the circumstances clearly shows a recurrent pattern of behavior
on the part of Jean.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“Both individually and taken in their totality, the reported
incidents either constitute non-consensual sexual misconduct and/or are
contrary to long-standing community standards regarding appropriate
interactions between team members.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">USAT also later banned Lopez from participation in
USAT-sanctioned events. He is expected to appeal.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“I am relieved and excited that (Lopez) will no longer be
able to coach young athletes or manipulate girls in these kinds of settings,”
Gilbert told <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">USA Today</i>, but added
that she’s still “highly disappointed” that the process to penalize Lopez took
so long.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<h3 class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
Positive change at USAT</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And after a string of leaders with gross integrity issues,
USAT is finally being led by a fair and responsible executive director, Steve
McNally. He has encouraged victims of abuse to come forward and has set
hardline boundaries for coaches and athletes under investigation. This is a
long overdue and much-welcomed tone—sending a clear message to victims of abuse
that it’s safe to come forward.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">McNally’s open, proactive presence is a welcome change, and
it’s clear that he’s working hard to correct past mistakes. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Currently in the works:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">A plan to name a female national coach;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Assigning official chaperones on all future
junior trips, along with a national office staff member; and<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">A new learning management system, slated to
launch in the summer, that will deliver education on mandatory reporting.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“I promise you wholeheartedly we are not, and will never,
hide anything from SafeSport or law enforcement while I am in charge, no matter
who is involved,” McNally said last week. “We will support SafeSport, and
enforce their sanctions without question—every single time, no matter who the
recipient may be.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“We are taking this very seriously, as we should,” McNally
added. “There is still so much more we can and will do.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<h3 class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Too little, too late?</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">There is much unfinished business regarding past abuse
claims that were mishandled or not addressed at all, and despite McNally’s
earnest efforts, trust may have been irrevocably broken.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The Lopez case was a huge test for the one-year-old
SafeSport, a nonprofit tasked with combatting, bullying, hazing, harassment,
and sexual abuse in organized sports. And it passed—for now.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Given that USAT’s culture of sexual abuse and misconduct has
been so long-term and pervasive, many USAT members have good reason to still
doubt that it or SafeSport will protect athletes once news stories of abuse
dissipate.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Members also
are right to be skeptical of SafeSport’s ability to impartially investigate
abuse cases. SafeSport’s funding comes directly from USOC coffers—$8.3 million
over the next five years, to be exact. This lack of independent funding creates
an obvious conflict of interest when the USOC’s pipeline system is part of the problem.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">In addition,
many members are doubtful that the bipartisan Congressional committee investigating
sexual abuse in organized sports will bring justice and a fair airing of
grievances to the victims of abuse.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I hope
they’re wrong—on all counts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<h3 class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Time for accountability</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Congress needs to throw down the gauntlet on keeping
athletes safe by demanding:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Answers from former leaders regarding why USAT
and the USOC mishandled so many past sexual abuse claims;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">SafeSport be funded by Congress, like the U.S.
Anti-Doping Agency, so that it can be a truly independent investigative
organization; and<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">The USOC and governing sports organizations reorganize
team selection processes, eliminating the possibility of abusive coaches
holding the power to pick teams.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Though Congress can’t solve all of organized sports’
problems, it has the power to force Olympic organizations to create education
and prevention solutions and enact zero-tolerance disciplinary measures to hold
abusers accountable. And if SafeSport is given autonomy, it can be even more
effective at keeping athletes safe.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Olympic
athletes are not commodities that our country can use in exchange for medals. Our
best athletes deserve respect and protection. They have the right to train at
their highest levels—unimpeded by the threat of abuse.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The era of putting
medals and money ahead of athletes’ safety must end, and abusers and the organizations
that protect them must be held accountable.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">It’s time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><hr align="center" size="2" width="100%" />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
</div>
<h3>
ATHLETES AT RISK SERIES</h3>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">This five-part series explores sexual
abuse and misconduct in Olympic Taekwondo. Due to the sensitivity of the
subject matter, some sources have asked to remain anonymous.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Part 1: Convincing
Athletes to Report Sexual Abuse, Misconduct a Hard Art<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Part
2: The Evolution of Abuse of Power<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Part
3: Martial Arts Leaders: Education Key to Ending Sexual Abuse<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Part
4: 7 Tips to Prevent Sexual Abuse, Misconduct<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Part 5: COMMENTARY: Time to Hold Abusers and Enablers Accountable<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-78152311484887540312018-04-06T16:06:00.002-05:002018-04-06T16:09:25.139-05:00ATHLETES AT RISK, Part 4: 7 Tips to Prevent Sexual Abuse, Misconduct<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Fourth in a 5-part series<o:p></o:p></span></i><br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">By Cathy Chapaty<o:p></o:p></span></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">I’ve made a plethora of mistakes in my martial arts teaching
career that horrify me today. Years ago, I:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l7 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Took a 15-year-old student out to dinner at the
behest of his parents. The student was struggling emotionally, and his mom
thought he’d talk to me about what was bothering him. It didn’t occur to me
that this might be wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l7 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Let a 14-year-old student spend the night at my
house. All week, we’d volunteered at the Taekwondo National Championships in
Austin, Texas—early mornings and late nights. The student’s parents asked me if
he could sleep at my house and I give him a ride to the tournament Saturday
morning so that they could sleep in. I agreed. Back then, I didn’t know any
better.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l7 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Held overnight lock-ins at my school. In fact,
the setting for my book, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">No Pouting in
the Dojo: Life Lessons through Martial Arts</i>, is a lock-in. Today I wouldn’t
host such an event. Now I know better.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Each of the above examples either represents a teacher-student
boundary violation or presents the opportunity for abuse. Given the recent
sexual abuse claims by athletes in organized sports, it’s clear that good
intentions are no longer good enough to keep athletes safe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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1 in 10</h3>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">In a 2004 nationwide survey of
students in grades 8-11, Dr. Charol Shakeshaft, a professor of educational
leadership at Virginia Commonwealth University, in Richmond, Va., found that
nearly 7 percent—about 3.5 million students—reported having physical sexual
contact from an adult in their school, primarily a teacher or coach.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Those numbers rise to about 10
percent, or nearly 4.5 million students, when eliminating misconduct that
doesn’t include touching (sharing pornography, sexual talk, or sexual
exhibitionism), Shakeshift said in a 2013 <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Phi
Delta Kappan</i> article.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgDSYCPuwTBVtvDUK_cwgpr79Y9uIFpjkQjzxMrhzF9SBACB4KLgYUzZcOO_3Bs5H8gqfyZBZFnx0qqaCx1yKkfl5z5U5unUy-jB-q0XC91xPgs_j-FX4Kd4HLGKlnlpRSNWrDY4VG0DI/s1600/SafeSport_art.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1590" data-original-width="1590" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgDSYCPuwTBVtvDUK_cwgpr79Y9uIFpjkQjzxMrhzF9SBACB4KLgYUzZcOO_3Bs5H8gqfyZBZFnx0qqaCx1yKkfl5z5U5unUy-jB-q0XC91xPgs_j-FX4Kd4HLGKlnlpRSNWrDY4VG0DI/s320/SafeSport_art.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">According to the U.S. Center for SafeSport, a nonprofit
organization tasked with combatting bullying, hazing, harassment, and sexual abuse
in organized sports, 1 in 10 children will be sexually abused before turning
18.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">How does abuse occur—and recur?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">A 2004 U.S. Department of
Education study reported that perpetrators often “target vulnerable or marginal
students who are grateful for the attention.” The study also found that complaints
from marginal students against popular teachers are less likely be accepted as
credible.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">According to SafeSport’s Sexual Misconduct Awareness and
Education training module, “Trust and power are inherent to the coach-athlete
relationship: The coach is in a position of authority, instructing the athlete.
The athlete trusts that their coach has their best interests at heart. When a
coach misuses trust and power, athletes are more vulnerable to abuse and
misconduct.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">To combat abuse in Olympic sports, the U.S. Olympic
Committee (USOC) and all national sports organizations require coaches, staff,
and volunteers to earn education credits through three SafeSport training
modules that cover emotional and physical misconduct, mandatory reporting, and sexual
misconduct awareness education. This training will soon available be available
to the public.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Background checks are also a standard practice.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">What else can athletes, parents, coaches, staff, and
volunteers do to ensure all athletes train in a safe space? Here are seven tips
to combat sexual abuse and misconduct.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Tip 1: Maintain
professional teacher-student boundaries</h3>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">It’s normal for a young student who admires her coach to
invite him to birthday and pool parties and other social events. Some
instructors have a “no social interaction” policy. Others attend students’
events without hesitation. But it’s important to remember that coaches should
avoid accepting social invitations that involve the student and coach being
alone.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Also, when traveling, have a safe-travel plan:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l4 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">If minors travel to competitions without parents,
insist on a chaperone.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l4 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Avoid one-on-one trips between an instructor and
student.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l4 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Ensure the understanding that coaches should never
share rooms with students, regardless of age.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">To save money on overnight competition trips, coaches and
students sometimes pile everyone in the same room. John Graden, executive director
of the Martial Arts Teachers’ Association (MATA), said this sets a dangerous
boundary-crossing precedent.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“Some schools take students to tournaments,” he said.
“Everyone sleeps in one hotel room with sleeping bags on the floor. This is a
really bad idea in today’s environment.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Tip 2: Keep all social
media contact professional</h3>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">In today’s fast-paced, social media-driven society, it’s
common for instructors to text their students about schedule changes due to
inclement weather, tournament arrival times, and other reminders. However,
SafeSports warns:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l8 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">An instructor shouldn’t text or e-mail a
14-year-old, for example, without also copying the parents;</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l8 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Parents should be wary if they discover their
child texting an instructor late at night—especially if the conversation
doesn’t involve school matters; and</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l8 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Athletes shouldn’t join or “like” a coach or
volunteer’s personal social media page, and vice versa.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Tip 3: Enforce a zero-tolerance
dating policy</h3>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">SafeSport warns that a coach in an intimate or sexual
relationship with an athlete he or she instructs “is considered a serious
breach of the SafeSport Code.” It also warns:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo9; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">“Any non-consensual sexual conduct is sexual
misconduct and is a violation of the SafeSport Code and may also violate
criminal law,” and</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo6; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">“Where there is a power imbalance, SafeSport
prohibits sexual relationships between coaches and athletes, regardless of the
ages of the athlete and coach involved.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Tip 4: Insist on full
disclosure</h3>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">SafeSport recommends that meetings between athletes and
coaches:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo5; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Never be one-on-one, and</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo5; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Be held where others are present and where
interactions can be easily observed or interrupted.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The organization advises that coaches keep the office door
unlocked and open if an individual meeting needs to take place.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Tip 5: Prohibit inappropriate
touching</h3>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">No one should touch athletes—not even a coach—in a manner
that makes the athletes feel uncomfortable. SafeSport advises coaches, parents,
and athletes to keep the following in mind:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l6 level1 lfo7; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">A minor cannot legally give consent.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l6 level1 lfo7; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Students love their coach for bringing out the
best in them, but coach-student relationships should always be professional.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l6 level1 lfo7; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">If the athlete feels like the coach is becoming
too friendly, it’s perfectly acceptable to set a boundary.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l6 level1 lfo7; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Massages should only be performed by a licensed
massage therapist or other certified professional.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l6 level1 lfo7; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Even if a coach is a certified massage
professional, SafeSport warns against allowing the coach to massage an athlete.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l6 level1 lfo7; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Athletes should never feel coerced to do
something they don’t want to do. If the coach is persistent, no matter how good
that coach is and how much the student may like him or her, leave.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<h3 class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Tip 6: Tell someone
about it</h3>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">There’s a reason for the saying, “Our secrets keep us sick.”
SafeSport and safety industry experts recommend:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">If you see something, say something—no matter
the time, place, or circumstance, and regardless of the high profile of the
person suspected of abuse.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Trust your gut.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Question anything that doesn’t seem right. A
good coach won’t mind answering questions and clarifying misunderstandings; and</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">If the coach balks, walk. Immediately report the
incident to local law enforcement authorities and SafeSport.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">And finally…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<h3 class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Tip 7: Educate
yourself</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Athletes and parents don’t have to figure this out alone. Learn
the signs of bullying, harassment, and sexual abuse and misconduct by:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Visiting </span><a href="https://safesport.org/"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri";">SafeSport</span></a><span style="font-family: "calibri";">
for training on sexual abuse and misconduct awareness and prevention, emotional
and physical misconduct, and mandatory reporting; and</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Checking out </span><a href="https://www.d2l.org/"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri";">Darkness
to Light</span></a><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> (D2L), a nonprofit committed to empowering adults to prevent child
sexual abuse. D2L offers a variety of training options, including <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Stewards of Children</i> certification.
Courses are available to the public, and some cost as little as $5.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<h3 class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Reporting is now
mandatory</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">For years in many states, teachers have been considered
mandated reporters, and there have been legal penalties for not reporting
suspicions of abuse. (To find out the reporting statutes in your state, visit
the </span><a href="https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/systemwide/laws-policies/state/"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri";">Child
Welfare Information Gateway</span></a><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> website.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">But in mid-February, President Donald Trump signed a bill to
strengthen mandatory reporting laws for amateur athletic organizations; these
organizations now must report any allegations of sexual assault immediately to
law enforcement.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">SafeSport recommends that when in doubt, call 911 to report sexual
misconduct or abuse to local law enforcement. If the abused is an athlete in an
Olympic sport, SafeSport has an online </span><a href="https://cm.maxient.com/reportingform.php?SafeSport&layout_id=0"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri";">Sexual
Misconduct Incident Reporting Form</span></a><span style="font-family: "calibri";">, or athletes can call (720) 531-0340.
SafeSport accepts anonymous reports.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<h3 class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
When we know better…</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“When we know better, we do better,” George Schorn, board
chair of the National Women’s Martial Arts Federation, told me recently.
Indeed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The above tips are by no means comprehensive. There’s still
more to learn, and to combat this problem, we all must look for ways to hold
clear conversations with one another and to establish and maintain professional
boundaries.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">When I began teaching, I made a lot of innocent mistakes
because I didn’t know any better. Today, though, the stakes are too high and
the resources too plentiful to be ignorant about the dangers of sexual abuse
and misconduct. It will take all of us to keep our athletes safe.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">As for me, no one will be staying at my house again.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Now I know better.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">-----</span></div>
<h3 class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
ATHLETES AT RISK SERIES</h3>
<div style="border: 1pt solid currentColor; padding: 1pt 4pt;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: currentColor; margin: 6pt 0in; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; padding: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">This five-part series explores sexual
abuse and misconduct in Olympic Taekwondo. Due to the sensitivity of the
subject matter, some sources have asked to remain anonymous.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: currentColor; margin: 4pt 0in 0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; padding: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Part 1: Convincing
Athletes to Report Sexual Abuse, Misconduct a Hard Art<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: currentColor; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; padding: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Part
2: The Evolution of Abuse of Power<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: currentColor; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; padding: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Part
3: Martial Arts Leaders: Education Key to Ending Sexual Abuse<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: currentColor; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; padding: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Part 4: 7 Tips to Prevent Sexual Abuse,
Misconduct<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: currentColor; margin: 0in 0in 4pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; padding: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Part 5: COMMENTARY:
Congress Must Intervene to Ensure Athletes’ Safety<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
</div>
CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-41218584216567585932018-04-05T09:18:00.001-05:002018-04-05T09:31:13.874-05:00ATHLETES AT RISK, Part 3: Education Key to Ending Sexual Abuse, Martial Arts Leaders Say<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><strong>Third in a 5-part series<o:p></o:p></strong></span></i><br />
<strong>
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">By Cathy Chapaty<o:p></o:p></span></i></strong><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Yudit Sidikman was 12 years old when
a sexual relationship began with her temple’s cantor. It lasted until she was 18.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“I didn’t call it rape until I
was the mother of a 12-year-old,” said the co-founder of El Halev, an
Israel-based nonprofit dedicated to empowering others through martial arts and
self-defense training.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Today the veteran judo black
belt leads Empowerment Self-Defense Global, a fledgling group with an
evidence-based approach to self-protection. Its mission is to bring empowerment
self-defense (ESD) literacy to women all over the world.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Sidikman is one of many in the
martial arts industry addressing sexual abuse in organized sports.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Industry representatives note
that the number of respectful and trustworthy martial arts instructors far
outweigh the abusive, and that child protection policies—including background
checks, education programs, and investigation protocols—became common practice
in the mid-1990s. Still, they say, martial arts professionals cannot rest on
their laurels.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Though each group recommends different paths to address the
problem, they all agree that education is vital to ending sexual abuse and
misconduct.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<h3 class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
National Women’s Martial Arts Federation</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Through its empowerment self-defense model, the National
Women’s Martial Arts Federation (NWMAF) has taught tens of thousands of martial
arts teachers to go beyond “stranger danger” self-defense instruction and
address the statistically more likely intimate partner violence. (According to
a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) study released in 2014, 45.4
percent of victims were assaulted by people they knew.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">This summer at its member meeting in Naperville, Ill., the
federation is expected to vote on adding bullying, sexual harassment, and sexual
abuse policies to its </span><a href="https://nwmaf.wildapricot.org/"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri";">bylaws</span></a><span style="font-family: "calibri";">.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">George Schorn, chair of the NWMAF, said that the board of
directors “has been working to move the NWMAF forward with a more explicit
focus on this issue.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The proposed bylaw changes include a statement that the
“NWMAF shall advocate for best practices in martial arts, self-defense, and
healing arts programs in order to provide a safe, inclusive, and supportive
training environment for every student.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Schorn said that the federation is also working on a policy regarding
conduct and reporting that will expand on the “safe, inclusive, and supportive”
part of that statement.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“What this amounts to is an elevation of the standards
already articulated in our </span><a href="https://nwmaf.wildapricot.org/sd-instructor-core-competencies"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri";">self-defense
policies</span></a><span style="font-family: "calibri";">,” she said. “These expectations about personal space, physical
contact, refusal, and permission are integral training elements for the vast
majority of the NWMAF membership, but they should be stated forcefully within
the context of martial arts training and instruction, not just self-defense.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">The federation has specific policies addressing </span><a href="https://nwmaf.wildapricot.org/resources/Documents/Policies/policy_on_yma_and_teen_programs_at_st.pdf"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri";">girls
and teens at its annual camp</span></a><span style="font-family: "calibri";">, Schorn said, “and of course we run background
checks on all instructors we hire for camp.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“Our education programs for instructors currently rest
primarily within the self-defense program,” she said. “There is also a great
deal of formal and informal instructor mentoring within the NWMAF, and
student-teacher boundaries are often addressed explicitly in the training
policies of member schools.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">However, Schorn noted that given the federation’s small
membership and limited resources, it “hasn’t developed a formal training
program for this specific problem.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“If I were to offer one piece of advice about safe training
environments, it would be this: Shame and secrecy have no place in an
appropriate training environment. If an instructor or fellow student uses shame
to ‘teach,’ to manipulate, or to maintain/enhance their status, they are
abusing the power of their position. If they demand, plead for, or tacitly
encourage secrecy around any element of training, from relationships to words
to physical actions, they are not worthy of trust. If you ever feel reluctant
to talk about what is happening in your training, you need to leave and figure
out what the problem is, from outside the unsafe environment.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<h3 class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Martial Arts Industry
Association</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Frank Silverman, executive director of the Martial Arts
Industry Association (MAIA), said the association advises its member schools to
follow CDC </span><a href="https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri";">guidelines</span></a><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> for
preventing child abuse, and directs them to download guidelines cited in a 2014
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">MASuccess</i> article, “Keeping Our
Children Safe: Protecting Against Pedophilia in the Martial Arts School.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">In the 2014 article, Dr. Anna Salter offered tips that
include screening employees and volunteers, enforcing strict no-dating policies
between instructors and students, and responding to inappropriate behavior. Salter
also recommended schools train their staff on sexual abuse prevention.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Professional boundaries are
non-negotiable, according to Dr. Salter, and every school should have a policy
prohibiting dating between instructors and students.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“[Employees] should find people
to date outside of the school. I have seen guys in prison for having sex with
15-year-olds,” she said. “If you get an impressionable high school freshman or
sophomore in your class, the instructor is in a position of authority. So I
would fire them if they were looking for dates within my school.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Once safety precautions and
boundaries are clearly stated, it’s vital to create a safe atmosphere in which
students can talk about when they don’t feel safe.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“You must tell (students) that if
they are uncomfortable with a coach for any reason, they must tell someone
about it,” Salter advised.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<h3 class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Martial Arts
Teachers’ Association (MATA)</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">John Graden, executive director of the Martial Arts
Teachers’ Association (MATA), said his association’s </span><a href="https://martialartsteachers.com/mata-certification-course-outline/"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri";">instructor
certification program</span></a><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> includes a section on law and martial arts, devoting
an entire module on sexual harassment.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">In addition to its educational program, MATA works with
school owners to review processes and procedures, helping reduce school
liability and ensure student safety, Graden said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“We encourage owners to have updated background checks on
all instructors,” Graden said. “It’s inexpensive and we provide a </span><a href="https://martialartsteachers.com/martial-arts-insurance-information-library-of-interviews/martial-arts-insurance-background-screening"><span style="color: #0563c1; font-family: "calibri";">vendor
link</span></a><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> to make it easier.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Graden also stressed the need for clear, professional teacher-student
boundaries.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“We suggest that schools implement and enforce a strict ‘no
dating students or parents’ rule,” he said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">And when traveling, Graden added, it’s even more important
for strict protocols.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“Some schools take students to tournaments,” he said. “Everyone
sleeps in one hotel room with sleeping bags on the floor. This is a really bad
idea in today’s environment.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<h3 class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
International Brazilian
Jiu Jitsu Federation and the U.S. Ju Jitsu Federation</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Background checks are required every three years or when
promotions are processed for members of the U.S. Ju Jitsu Federation (USJJF),
according to the group’s president, Bruce Bethers.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">USJJF protocols bar teachers or volunteers from the mat who
have been found guilty of any sex offense—regardless of the amount of time
since the offense.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Representatives of the International Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
Federation did not respond for comment.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgygCUz0F0ZEOtCEiLDXLgj_yiHjD12xYT57uy_5TOE9MNyB8r7GKZjstG0iA1cOLQCjs9WDtoBLywoH6tocksF5wxPmgfP0nGpBk0PHhyphenhyphenVIrHNEwE7AvtBgnwJjubAJw3DyYP1wrs_-1E/s1600/ESD+Trainers.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="447" data-original-width="988" height="144" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgygCUz0F0ZEOtCEiLDXLgj_yiHjD12xYT57uy_5TOE9MNyB8r7GKZjstG0iA1cOLQCjs9WDtoBLywoH6tocksF5wxPmgfP0nGpBk0PHhyphenhyphenVIrHNEwE7AvtBgnwJjubAJw3DyYP1wrs_-1E/s320/ESD+Trainers.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;">
<strong>Empowerment Self-Defense Global help its inaugural training camp last year in New York.</strong></div>
<br />
<h3 class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Empowerment
Self-Defense Global</h3>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Sidikman has been working with people
of all ages, ethnicities, religions, and physical capabilities since
co-founding El HaLev ("to the heart”) in Jerusalem in 2003. Since its
founding, El HaLev has trained more than 50,000 women, teens, children,
seniors, and people with special needs to defend themselves against sexual,
physical, and verbal assault.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Sidikman has been following the
sexual abuse scandals in Olympic sports. She believes her program can help keep
athletes safe.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“(The U.S. Center for) SafeSport
and USA Taekwondo could possibly be allies for supercharging empowerment
self-defense all over the world, but we all have to be on the same page.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Her challenge: “Find out what
page and get on it.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“If we unite in our message and
make sure we’re aligned with each other, then we can make a difference,”
Sidikman said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">At its core, the ESD program works
to help women around the world prevent, interrupt, respond to, and heal from
violence.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Last year, Sidikman’s
Empowerment Self-Defense (ESD) Global camp in New York drew women from Belize,
the Netherlands, the Dominican Republic, Chile, Costa Rica, England, Canada,
Israel, and, within the United States, New York, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania,
Illinois, Virginia, North Dakota, Maine, Rhode Island, Ohio, Washington, and
California.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Another camp is scheduled for
August, and the goal is to have a minimum of 10 different countries
represented.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">How does Sidikman find these
like-minded instructors? A 100-plus online assessment questionnaire helps the
group find instructors who are aligned with ESD Global’s empowerment
self-defense mission.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">ESD Global is pushing hard to
get buy-in to set up systems to keep kids safe, Sidikman said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“Any organization that’s not
willing to implement (safety protocols)—there’s something wrong with that,” she
said. “We can’t stop everything, but we can certainly make (abuse) harder to
happen.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Sidikman wants to help empower
survivors of abuse to talk about their experience in order to prevent future
abuse.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“The more the predators
understand that people are going to talk, they’ll be less likely (to
victimize).”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Prevention through education is
the solution to flipping the script, she believes.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“No one is speaking up for those
who don’t want to be survivors,” Sidikman said. “We want to give (athletes)
tools to deal with violence as it happens.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Sikidman admits that tackling
sexual abuse and misconduct in sports is a daunting task, but she sees progress
being made.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“I believe that in my lifetime,
we will see the needle move in violence against women,” she said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“We can’t give up.”</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><hr align="center" size="2" width="100%" />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Cathy Chapaty is a
veteran martial artist, teacher, and youth mentor. She is the author of </i>No
Pouting in the Dojo: Life Lessons through Martial Arts<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> and is an ambassador for the Association of Women MartialArts
Instructors. Contact her at </i></span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">TaoTexas@gmail.com</span></i></a><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">.</span></i></div>
<h3 class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
ATHLETES AT RISK
</h3>
<div style="border: 1pt solid currentColor; padding: 1pt 4pt;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: currentColor; margin: 6pt 0in; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; padding: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">This five-part series explores sexual
abuse and misconduct in Olympic Taekwondo. Due to the sensitivity of the
subject matter, some sources have asked to remain anonymous.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: currentColor; margin: 4pt 0in 0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; padding: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Part 1: Convincing
Athletes to Report Sexual Abuse, Misconduct a Hard Art<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: currentColor; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; padding: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Part
2: The Evolution of Abuse of Power<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: currentColor; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; padding: 0in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Part 3: Education, Boundaries Key to Ending
Sexual Abuse, Martial Arts Leaders Say<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: currentColor; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; padding: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Part
4: 7 Tips to Prevent Sexual Abuse, Misconduct<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border: currentColor; margin: 0in 0in 4pt; mso-border-alt: solid windowtext .5pt; mso-padding-alt: 1.0pt 4.0pt 1.0pt 4.0pt; padding: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Part 5: COMMENTARY:
Congress Must Intervene to Ensure Athletes’ Safety<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
</div>
CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-371337816650940942018-04-04T08:15:00.002-05:002018-04-04T09:26:36.742-05:00ATHLETES AT RISK, Part 2: The Evolution of Abuse of Power<!-- x-tinymce/html --><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQX_4HjjV2JU5vM08IVcyj_aJ5Ld0MlVN4mOnG3UxMtCyneM3cw_CAvnIpXnBblOslCLbX7CLWbXlS7oUrSVznsvjPMuNXG4EqTV95AE5locDolsGu6Q5fw0J0s5A0YLOzFIaIyHjQnh0/s1600/sexual-abuse_art.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="720" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQX_4HjjV2JU5vM08IVcyj_aJ5Ld0MlVN4mOnG3UxMtCyneM3cw_CAvnIpXnBblOslCLbX7CLWbXlS7oUrSVznsvjPMuNXG4EqTV95AE5locDolsGu6Q5fw0J0s5A0YLOzFIaIyHjQnh0/s320/sexual-abuse_art.png" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><strong><em>Editor’s note:</em></strong><em> Pronouns and adjectives in some areas of this article are in the feminine for the sake of simplicity. It’s important to note that both men and women are victims of sexual abuse and misconduct.</em></span><br />
<em><span style="font-size: large;"></span></em><br />
<strong><em><span style="font-size: large;">Second in a 5-part series</span></em></strong><br />
<strong><em><span style="font-size: large;">By Cathy Chapaty</span></em></strong><br />
<strong><em><span style="font-size: large;"></span></em></strong><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Several decades ago, the National Women’s Martial Arts Federation challenged the “stranger danger” trend of self-defense instruction in the United States, recognizing that perpetrators are statistically more likely someone the target already knows rather than a creepy guy on the street.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">According to a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) study released in 2014, 45.4 percent of victims were assaulted by people they knew.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Young and vulnerable USA Taekwondo (USAT) athletes have lacked that knowledge, and the results have had decades-long, tragic consequences.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">From conversations with former and current Olympic Taekwondo athletes, coaches, and referees and from victim reports submitted to Congressional staffers, a familiar pattern has emerged—a playbook for predators.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Here’s how reporting athletes describe the evolution of abuse:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><strong></strong></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>A promising future</strong></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">A talented athlete—oftentimes a minor female—wins a medal in a national tournament. A high-profile coach tells her that she has the potential to go to the Olympics, and he offers to train her. He promises her parents to take care of her, and to even hire a chaperone.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The parents and the athlete are excited. This has been the goal and dream for many years.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">“You and your parents are offered this great training opportunity,” said an Olympic veteran, who requested anonymity. “Can you imagine? Who wouldn’t want this opportunity?”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The athlete leaves home to train hundreds of miles from home without parental supervision. She enroll at a high school in the area.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">“[The coach] said he’d take care of me,” a former USAT National Team member said. “(USAT) said they’d hire a chaperone. They never did.”</span><br />
<br />
<h3>
<strong><span style="font-size: large;">Winning trust through praise</span></strong></h3>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The U.S. Center for SafeSport says that grooming begins “when an offender seeks out a vulnerable (athlete) who has emotional, familial or social voids in their life.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">According to SafeSport’s Sexual Misconduct Awareness and Education training module, “Trust and power are inherent to the coach-athlete relationship: The coach is in a position of authority, instructing the athlete. The athlete trusts that their coach has their best interests at heart. When a coach misuses trust and power, athletes are more vulnerable to abuse and misconduct.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Now far away from home, the athlete ultimately quits school to focus all energy and effort on the dream of going to the Olympics. All self-esteem comes from being a good fighter.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">“[Coach] singled me out between practices, and gave me lots of positive attention,” said a former USAT National Team member. “It really made me feel good that a coach actually was seeing my potential as an athlete.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">“He told me how great I was and that he cared about me,” another athlete said. “I felt special.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">“I felt like I could trust him,” yet another athlete said.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<h3>
<strong><span style="font-size: large;">Subtle boundary crossing</span></strong></h3>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Older coaches and teammates slowly blur the lines of healthy relationships.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">“Later (the coach)…talked to me about sex and his sex life,” one woman said. She was 15 when she began living at the U.S. Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs, Colo. “I didn’t even really know what sex was at this time.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">“He told me about his sex life and the sex problems he was having with his girlfriend,” she added.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The athletes oftentimes don’t stop the conversation or voice that they’re uncomfortable talking about sex. They fear making the coach mad and getting kicked off the team.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">“Many athletes don’t tell (about misconduct) because they’re embarrassed,” SafeSport officials point out in one of the organization’s training modules. “They may think it’s their fault. They also don’t want to jeopardize their chances of going to future competitions, of being an Olympic athlete, or of receiving scholarship money or their spot on a team.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<h3>
<strong><span style="font-size: large;">Abuse begins</span></strong></h3>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">On competition trips, the coach invites the athlete to his hotel room to discuss the next day’s competition strategy, or to give a sport massage.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">“I thought we were going to talk about…furthering my athletic career,” one woman said. “Instead he grabbed me and threw me on the bed.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">“He tried to kiss me in a hotel room, but someone walked in,” one athlete said.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The athlete feels conflicted. The coach has done so much for her career.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">At after-competition parties, the coach would “grope me and squeeze my breast and butt,” one athlete said in a witness statement to Congress. “It was always ‘okay’ because he was drunk.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The next day, the athlete said, “he told me he was drunk and apologized, and asked me not to tell anyone.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<h3>
<strong><span style="font-size: large;">Report or remain silent?</span></strong></h3>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes abuse is a one-time event. Far too often, abuse recurs. The athlete doesn’t report the incidents. Sometimes she blames herself for letting it happen.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">“I was in shock and embarrassed,” one athlete recalled.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">“I was too afraid to tell anyone what happened,” another said.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">“I suspected everyone around me knew something was going on,” a former athlete replied. “No one intervened.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">One woman summarized all the reporting athletes’ concerns: “I didn’t want to lose a spot on the team—something for which I’d worked so hard.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Many remained silent for a variety of reasons, including fear, intimidation, and ostracism.</span><br />
<br />
<h3>
<strong><span style="font-size: large;">The backlash</span></strong></h3>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">When the athlete comes forward, she oftentimes isn’t believed—in effect being re-victimized.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The sports organization hesitates to penalize well-respected coaches or popular athletes who win championships and medals. When the organization attempts to penalize perpetrators, it is threatened with lawsuits. The complaint stalls. No action is taken.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The reporting athlete is ostracized by the Taekwondo community.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">“One teammate…said she couldn’t help (me),” an athlete remembered. “She’d been warned that her athletes wouldn’t make any team if she helped me.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Two athletes reported that former USAT leaders threatened them.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">“(The executive director) warned me not to say anything—that I’d ruin (the coach’s) career.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The reporting athlete is bullied; her reputation is trashed.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">“I was quickly labeled a troublemaker,” one athlete said.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The athlete becomes discouraged and repeatedly traumatized every time she sees the coach at tournaments, continuing to enjoy the privileges of a powerful position.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">She gives up. She not only stops talking, but she quits the sport—sans high school education and Olympic dream—and quietly disappears from the world stage in the prime of her career.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">“All I wanted was to be a professional athlete and go to the Olympics,” one woman said. “I didn’t mind training hard. I prided myself on being tough. Instead, I was abused repeatedly by those I trusted the most.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The abusive coach remains.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The cycle repeats.</span><br />
<br />
<em><span style="font-size: large;">-----</span></em><br />
<br />
<h2>
Athletes at Risk Series</h2>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">This five-part series explores sexual abuse and misconduct in Olympic Taekwondo. Due to the sensitivity of the subject matter, some sources have asked to remain anonymous.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Part 1: Convincing Athletes to Report Sexual Abuse, Misconduct a Hard Art</span><br />
<strong><span style="font-size: large;">Part 2: The Evolution of Abuse of Power</span></strong><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Part 3: Martial Arts Leaders: Education Key to Ending Sexual Abuse</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Part 4: 7 Tips to Prevent Sexual Abuse, Misconduct</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Part 5: COMMENTARY: Congress Must Intervene to Ensure Athletes’ Safety</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGvEy9zsjcvPWDmboSZaN5MMXgNHAdecvvs0Y81-3cSv8puHhv-LElzMno6O8hlQHIbn3OWMJ7Gs7Z2ih0SkWoka4dTxS0V0a4BpZLurtJwlbD6TSHFs8_Yla-RD-GyH2wNeSBNc7pfsk/s1600/sexual-abuse_art.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a> </div>
CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-36716030750159933582018-04-03T20:16:00.002-05:002018-04-03T20:22:19.272-05:00ATHLETES AT RISK, Part 1: Convincing Olympic Athletes to Report Sexual Abuse, Misconduct a Hard Art<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">First in a 5-part series</span></b><br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">By Cathy Chapaty</span></b></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Eight years
ago in Las Vegas, I volunteered for USA Taekwondo (USAT) during its annual U.S.
Open Taekwondo Championships. I was paired with a friendly USAT coach named
Marc Gitelman. (His students called him Master G.) He was there to coach a
16-year-old girl from Russia whose coach decided not to attend. Gitelman
generously let the athlete crash in his hotel room to save money.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">When the
Russian girl initially arrived at the competition venue at the Tropicana Hotel,
she was bubbly and sweet, excited to compete. A few days later, she seemed
deflated and defeated. The girl in the ring wasn’t the same girl I’d met a few
days earlier. I wondered what changed.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Six years
later, <a href="http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-taekwondo-instructor-sexual-abuse-20151026-story.html"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri";">Gitelman
was sentenced</span></a> to more than four years in prison for multiple felony counts
that included unlawful sexual intercourse and lewd acts upon a child. I
suddenly remembered the Russian girl, and feared that she’d been molested. I
felt awful that I didn’t question Giteman’s lodging offer—that I didn’t think
to protect her.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">I’ve been
banging the clichéd drum to encourage martial artists to report abusive coaches
and teammates ever since.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">
</span>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcam7J18rO3KX7t61YKlKg-x9KBRvDb5PibtC8aX0bO_aFsblXsfLZ_FpR_FwEZu2YrhqSdMOf2NY_YlpHSSviCtT0-4IjZ9vF_Akx0Or3vUQrKbYaYso9fdMn_cG0ZF1KE8A60OlkZlo/s1600/marc-gitelman-500x282.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="282" data-original-width="500" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcam7J18rO3KX7t61YKlKg-x9KBRvDb5PibtC8aX0bO_aFsblXsfLZ_FpR_FwEZu2YrhqSdMOf2NY_YlpHSSviCtT0-4IjZ9vF_Akx0Or3vUQrKbYaYso9fdMn_cG0ZF1KE8A60OlkZlo/s320/marc-gitelman-500x282.jpg" width="320" /></a></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">
</span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Olympic Taekwondo
coach Marc Gitelman was sentenced in September 2015 to more than four years in
prison for multiple felony counts that included unlawful sexual intercourse and
lewd acts upon a child.</span></b></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">
</span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Last
October, newly appointed USAT Executive Director Steve McNally asked me to be
USAT’s liaison for the U.S. Center for SafeSport, a nonprofit organization
tasked with combating bullying, hazing, harassment, and sexual abuse in Olympic
sports. McNally had replaced former director Keith Ferguson, who resigned
in September 2017 amid allegations that USAT mishandled misconduct cases during
his tenure.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">My task was simple:
Create a safe environment for athletes to talk about abuse and determine the
pervasiveness of the problem. If athletes wanted to formally report abuse, I’d
refer them to SafeSport, USAT, or local police. I wouldn’t pressure anyone to
report, though. My job was to listen and educate athletes on their rights and
options.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">In the past
year, I’ve fielded countless phone calls, e-mails, Facebook messages, and
texts, and read victim statements submitted to Congress from athletes—mostly
women—from all over the country who suffered abuse. The majority of athletes
have been former and current USAT members. Some are still in the Olympic
pipeline system and remain hesitant to file formal complaints. Others quietly
disappeared from competition long ago—quit the sport completely rather than
face abusers at tournaments across the country.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Eerie similarities</span></b></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Almost
immediately, eerie similarities emerged in their stories:</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 0px 48px; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt "Times New Roman"; margin: 0px;">
</span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">A
high-profile coach showers a young athlete with praise.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 0px 48px; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt "Times New Roman"; margin: 0px;">
</span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">The
mentor tells the athlete about his sex life, and asks about hers.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 0px 48px; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt "Times New Roman"; margin: 0px;">
</span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">During
an overnight competition, the athlete goes to the coach’s hotel room to discuss
competition strategy. An assault occurs.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 0px 48px; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt "Times New Roman"; margin: 0px;">
</span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">The
athlete is afraid to tell anyone, but months afterward she finally reports the
abuse.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px 48px; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt "Times New Roman"; margin: 0px;">
</span></span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">She
isn’t believed.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Convincing
athletes to speak out—not to mention file complaints—has been more difficult
than all my black belt exams combined.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">All the
athletes are afraid to talk.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">One woman
was so scared and still scarred by her experience that she could only text, “I
just want you to know, me, too.”</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">A change in the guard</span></b></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">USAT has a
history of being <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/olympics/an-athlete-accused-her-coach-of-sex-abuse-olympic-officials-stayed-on-sideline/2017/02/14/35a6fc76-d2eb-11e6-a783-cd3fa950f2fd_story.html?utm_term=.a312ae32a83c"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri";">slow
to investigate abuse claims</span></a> of misconduct, especially if the accused were
medal winners or coaches of champions.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">According to
two former U.S. National Team members, USAT leaders prior to McNally
warned them to keep quiet about their abuse claims because they would “ruin the
coach’s career.” Meanwhile, coaches and teammates suspected of or under
investigation for abuse have maintained their current roles and privileges.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">In addition,
according to an Olympic Taekwondo veteran who requested anonymity, even when
USAT took warranted action against a high-profile coach, the U.S. Olympic
Committee (USOC) overruled its decision.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Attempts by
USAT’s past leadership to hush victims has had a residual impact on keeping
today’s voices silent. Not surprisingly, the majority of those abused who are
still in the Olympic pipeline are afraid to come forward. They don’t want to
risk their chance to compete in the Olympics, either as an athlete or future
coach.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">These
athletes aren’t dumb; they’re realists. They have good reason to remain silent.
Past reporting athletes have been ostracized by the Taekwondo community because
they accused popular coaches and athletes of abuse. Some reporting athletes
have been labeled crazy. Their reputations have been tarnished.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">But this
year, athletes who have been quiet are finally coming forward on the heels
of the #metoo movement. Athletes who have never spoken out publicly have
quietly sent statements to the Committee on Energy and Commerce and the
Subcommittee on Oversight and Investigations, the bipartisan lawmakers charged
with investigating abuse in organized sports. Public hearings are expected.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">When one
athlete finally comes forward, others find the courage to do the same.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Kendra Gatt,
one of Gitelman’s students, remained silent about her coach’s abuse for two
years. She came forward after seeing a Facebook post from another athlete.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">“When I discovered
that I wasn’t the only one that it happened to, I put some pieces together and
realized I wasn’t going to be the last either,” she told the Los Angeles Times.
“I decided to voice what happened to me because I never wanted it to happen to
any other girl or athlete….”</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Breaking the silence</span></b></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Since
Gitelman’s conviction and suspension from USAT, three former students were awarded
$60 million in damages <a href="http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-taekwondo-instructor-judgement-20170803-story.html"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri";">in
a civil lawsuit</span></a>. (A judge released USAT and the USOC as defendants in the
case.)</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">In January,
Congress passed legislation requiring sports governing bodies to promptly
report abuse claims to law enforcement.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Meanwhile,
Congress is seeking witness statements regarding sexual abuse claims by
athletes within USA Gymnastics, USA Swimming, and USA Taekwondo. In addition,
the committee has demanded reports from all 48 Olympic national governing
bodies regarding their abuse reporting protocols.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Congressional
hearings will likely shine a horrifying spotlight on the pervasiveness of
sexual abuse and misconduct in Taekwondo and other Olympic sports. But I’ll
only feel satisfied that I did the job McNally assigned when I witness the dam
of silence break wide open.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">—–</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Athletes at Risk Series</span></b></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">This
five-part series explores sexual abuse and misconduct in Olympic Taekwondo. Due
to the sensitivity of the subject matter, some sources have asked to remain
anonymous.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;"><b>Part 1: Convincing Olympic Athletes
to Report Sexual Abuse, Misconduct a Hard Art</b></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Part 2: The Evolution of Abuse of
Power</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span>
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Part 3: Martial Arts Leaders:
Education Key to Ending Sexual Abuse</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<div style="margin: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Part 4: 7 Tips to Prevent Sexual
Abuse, Misconduct</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; margin: 0px;">Part 5:
COMMENTARY: Congress Must Intervene to Ensure Athletes’ Safety</span></div>
</span></div>
CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-22504468028914257992017-12-05T11:05:00.003-06:002018-05-03T11:33:33.877-05:00Intentional Domination<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<br />The Juice Compound Rolls Out Martial Arts Test Camp</h2>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="867" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUfkPtJVhJ8hx6SuKKi9IyvIyWzdZKVvNglq6co-EYXYDkI0Y5t9s760-96NYJRn_fkJc-oFJVZCh6dWaI7tp8PvpYOijPobooussM7At9cng_ei8LTe0bt8_Q074h_JU0wYBOwRXj0Bc/s320/Domination_Lambdin.jpg" width="173" /></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><strong><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></strong></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><strong><span style="font-size: x-small;">U.S. Olympian and camp co-host Stephen Lambdin</span></strong></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
On a Friday afternoon in a
training hall in Mansfield, Texas, a crew of black belts—each multiple medal
winners in national competition—sat quietly and nervously in folding chairs
just beyond Pinaroc Taekwondo’s mat.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“Are you ready?” one athlete
whispered to another.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">“I don’t know,” the teammate
replied while twirling a wristband that read “2017 Domination Camp: When
winning isn’t enough…”<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">“I’m kinda nervous.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
The Juice Athlete Compound, a
fledgling athletic performance company, is intentionally testing traditional
martial arts training regimens to devise the best methods to help today’s
athletes dominate the competition—and its first strike was via a test camp in an
equaling fledgling community in Texas.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>“It’s different,” said Tim Thackrey,
nine-time U.S. Taekwondo Team member and coaching and mentoring programmer for
the Juice Compound. He folded his arms and a bearded grin
slowly appeared.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span> </div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
The camp schedule alone was ambitious,
covering mindfulness and mobility, flexibility and footwork, strength and
conditioning—and even ice baths to mimic mental conditioning and breathing
techniques learned by camp co-host and U.S. Olympian Stephen Lambdin.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span> </div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
Most of the 25 athletes—who
traveled from Montana, California, Virginia, and all over Texas—were veterans
of elite-level training camps and seminars, but when Thackrey told them to put
their sparring pads away, eyebrows tensed.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1443" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7wJwQe2ka5j4re_KqQFWS_cXnQAvocVOYMlyZHE5xpbrftosGksBlIXEmT9fgGIbnFXvKVp8Geg-AP28hvJ0JomJuE2mu0kAX7IsVD1uSeQ_iEForRVHKYH6x9x5gI4gc0EIBeL5c2X8/s320/Domination_Intention.jpg" width="288" /></span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Two athletes practice a mental exercise on setting intentions.</span></b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">Intentional Power</span></b></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>Dr. Karen Cogan didn’t coach the
athletes through a high-octane warm-up in Session 1. Instead, the sports
psychologist for the U.S. Olympic Committee sat them in semi-circles to talk
about mental toughness.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
Cogan, a former gymnast, has
worked with U.S. athletes in six Olympic Games.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span> </div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">“What separates good athletes
from great?” she asked the camp. “A mental game.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>Mental preparation as an afterthought
is a mistake, she said, adding that at the Olympic level, where competitions
are lost by miniscule margins, athletes need to dedicate time to prepare for
dealing with the pressure.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span> </div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Elite athletes need to set aside
“time when you’re not doing anything else: Your phone’s not ringing, you’re not
texting,” Cogan said. “We’re looking for the edge. (Mental conditioning) is one
thing that can give you that edge.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>Athletes paired up for exercises
to test the power of setting an intention, and amid giggles of nervousness,
some seemed surprised by the results.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span> </div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Cogan cited Michael Jordan’s “flu
game” as an example of competing with an intention, regardless of life’s
circumstances. Twenty years ago, despite Jordan having the stomach flu, Jordan
scored 38 points to help the Chicago Bulls win that night’s NBA finals game.
The Bulls ultimately won the 1997 NBA Championship.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>“Some people call it
grit—resilience,” Cogan said. “You gotta stay tough, no matter what’s happening
around you.”<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span> </div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
She recommended athletes begin a
daily practice of doing a body inventory; practicing breathing exercises,
progressive muscle relaxation, and positive imagery; and moving in mindfulness.<o:p></o:p>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>Lambdin said these mental
conditioning strategies helped him prepare for the 2016 Olympic Games in Rio de
Janeiro, Brazil.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span> </div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
“I’ve seen much more talented
athletes (than me) crumble under pressure,” he said. “It really helped.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>But can athletes completely rid
themselves of anxiety?<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span> </div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
“There’s no way that’s going to
happen,” Cogan said, adding that implementing a daily mental conditioning
practice is the key. After that, “you just accept where you are.”</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">A Thousand-Dollar Kick</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Session 2 began not on a
Taekwondo mat—but on a sidewalk.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">In the humid night air, Thackrey
and Lambdin gathered the athletes on the cement path leading to the school to
prepare them for the upcoming sessions. They began with their training history.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“We joke around,” Thackrey
acknowledged, but stressed that when it’s time to train, “in order to mimic
competition, training must reach a heightened state.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>Out on the sidewalk, Thackrey
encouraged the athletes to set the following intention for the weekend: “Get
comfortable being uncomfortable.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>Lambdin concurred, adding, “The
second you enter that room, we’re intense.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>The athletes quietly filed one-by-one
into the training hall, and formed four uneven lines.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>Lambdin began the evening
session’s drills with a quick and curt order to sprint to the other side of the
mat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>He led the athletes through
fast-paced footwork drills of steps, side steps, front-leg kicks, back-leg
kicks, and highly technical combinations, taking the time to emphasize proper
hip rotation and foot positions. The athletes went through the drills multiple
times. Sweat dropped from chins and T-shirt colors darkened.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>“We’re going to hammer this
home,” Lambdin said. “(The fighting scenario) has to be real. If it has no
intent, we’re wasting our time.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>Lambdin stopped practice to make
this point. He offered a female participant a paddle with the following
intention: “Kick as if the Olympics was on the line.” She hit the paddle with a
sharp pop.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>Lambdin offered the paddle again:
“Kick as if I were going to hand you a thousand-dollar bill for your hardest
kick.” She hit the paddle with a louder, sharper pop.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>“Why was the second kick harder?”
he asked the athletes. “You can imagine what that bill feels like in your hand.
Players need to make their Olympic training as real for them as that bill. They
need a thousand-dollar kick.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>Lambdin kept up the conditioning
pressure. The drills were challenging for even these athletes, who regularly
practice conditioning at their home schools. Periodically, Lambdin would stop
to make a point, and the athletes could catch their breath.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>Conditioning is vital, Lambdin
said, relaying the story of a match he once watched in which the player won
despite being down 12 points with seconds left. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>“He didn’t stop kicking and he
stayed with his opponent,” Lambdin said. “He shouldn’t have won that match. But
his opponent wasn’t conditioned.”</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"><img border="0" data-original-height="1430" data-original-width="846" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjICPuiALrlyt0rRsVXXhDMzWPPsd4SBBS4EsSH2oeQTBkIgWYiEaS5FbcHZgf0qywCYiSkCtYCCcsWqMXodumF9iyo9kLPcuFfbxPxkXYRiVxbWanHZSRW1RLlGzv6dpJWmdEmm1A2Cyo/s320/Domination_Coaching_Lambdin.jpg" width="189" /></span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Lambdin, left, coaches athletes on the art of fighting from the clutch.</span></b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">Small Things Win Big Matches</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Every session of the camp began
on time. Day 2 was no different. Again, camp leaders set an intention. Day 2
was going to be physically challenging, filled with brainy, technical movement
drills that challenged athletes to think and move fast. Thackrey, who has a
comical side, was unrelentingly serious during the morning sessions.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">“Do one more, guys,” he barked,
as athletes rested hands on hips. One by one, the athletes each took off down
the mat, practicing the drill with focus and determination. <span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">During speed drills, the athletes’ feet kicked
up so much air that the school’s flags—representing the United States, Republic
of South Korea, Philippines, and World Taekwondo Federation—swung and flapped
against the gray wall.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1518" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisFJIN59aacvyoczFS6s8H6xbUZYf2qvd2cqpvhCFVM1AZnzzRoJLS4YxT-6mrRqJw5fNg7tgAA7GZ5sAliiepfGLGCl9Gk4B7z-PASKLNtJE1BIjZQeOhzrmF2QRc6aK1mP4vtzGyNoU/s320/Domination_Coaching_Tim2.jpg" width="303" /></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><strong><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></strong></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><strong><span style="font-size: x-small;">Nine-time USA Taekwondo Team member Tim Thackrey keeps athletes light on their feet during ladder drills.</span></strong></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Thackrey, an energetic coach who
speaks with his hands, moved with the pace of the athletes. He periodically
broke the tension with well-placed humor or encouragement.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>“If it feels goofy, good,”
Thackrey said, encouraging the athletes to embrace a more relaxed motion and to
think outside the box of traditional Olympic-style training regimens.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Then he spotted a struggling
athlete. “Did you get that (combination)?” he asked a boy from Houston. The
preteen shook his head in disappointment. Thackrey encouraged homework.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>“O.K. Go practice at home. You’ll
get it,” Thackrey said with a smile and tap on the shoulder.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">A smile emerged from the
athlete’s lips.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">Lambdin remembers when he tapped
Thackrey on the shoulder in 2013 with questions about how to improve his
competitive performance. He was the Juice Compound’s first client—before the
company officially existed.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">At Juice Compound, Thackrey,
along with Dr. Jason Han and Antony Graf, offers remote coaching, youth
empowerment systems. When they started the company, they came up with a
five-point vision:</span><br />
<ol>
<li><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><!--[endif]-->To help athletes and ordinary individuals find meaning in their paths;</span></div>
</li>
<li><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">To bring passion into working with athletes;</span></div>
</li>
<li><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";">To provide a platform for athletes to succeed in impactful ways;</span></div>
</li>
<li><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><!--[endif]-->To push the envelope forward with personal and athletic development; and</span></div>
</li>
<li><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><!--[endif]-->To be grateful, and help others live with gratitude as well.</span></div>
</li>
</ol>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Lambdin said he spent years
searching for a program to meet both his sport and life goals.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>“The real blessing is that the
Juice Compound fit both of those requirements,” Lambdin said, adding, that “nobody
knows martial arts and strength training like they do.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Since joining the Juice Compound,
Lambdin says that his injury rate has plummeted. “I’m in better shape, and I
feel better than ever,” he said, adding, “They are the reason I made the 2016
Olympic Team.”<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><img border="0" data-original-height="1006" data-original-width="1600" height="201" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimTt46mRO7tZBUppRuEO8ZNLSVMB_5H2g8Wp1m9_6CgNT5vuWkGxLP7Ylpnp5OLVvy5Hl3raNT7Vz05U3kFydnKnn-qrjVyjYkGZ1wedx9RLO1Kwkcg38RsGrRcpVz4AmsfxZlRLHleZI/s320/Domination_Marin.jpg" width="320" /><span style="font-size: x-small;"><strong></strong></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><strong>Rolando Marin, 10, of Houston gave up a birthday party to attend Domination Camp.</strong></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">The Best Birthday Present</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">As the day progressed, Thackrey
and Lambdin put athletes through more advanced and challenging drills, making
them digest and execute complex movements in real time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>During ladder drills, in which
coaches expanded two ropes with evenly spaced rungs, the athletes’ feet quickly
tapped the ground, at first sounding like a hard rain, then morphing into a low
rumble. Some athletes flew through the rungs effortlessly. Others struggled,
missing rungs as they tired.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>“Start out slow, then pick up
speed,” Lambdin advised. “It’s the small things that win big matches." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>As the Olympian’s words echoed
across the mat, the smallest athlete in the room was listening. Ten-year-old
Rolando Marin of Houston already thought outside the box to get to the camp. As
the youngest participant, Rolando felt lucky to be there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>His home school was destroyed by
Hurricane Harvey just a month earlier.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>“We lost everything,” said his
mom, Irasema. “He hasn’t been able to train.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>Rolando desperately wanted to
train with Lambdin, who he met at the 2016 U.S. Taekwondo Championships in
Detroit. Irasema said that before her son met Lambdin, he wanted to quit
Taekwondo. But Lambdin had such an impact on Rolando that he stuck with the
sport.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>“(Their meeting) changed him,”
Irasema said, noting that the Olympian’s humble, down-to-earth nature “made a
difference.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>Rolando even sacrificed his tenth
birthday celebration to attend the camp.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>“He didn’t want a birthday cake
or anything. He wanted this instead of a party, so I said, ‘We’ll do that.’”<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">Master of Mobility</span></b><br />
Cory Hill, former member of the
U.S. Taekwondo team, strode across the mat in gym pants and perfect posture.
Hill, a certified trainer for Physicality—GymnasticsBodies in Washington, D.C.,
was there to help athletes improve strength through mobility.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>He paired athletes in an exercise
of bending over one vertebrae at a time and then curving their back up in the
same methodical manner.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>Hill demonstrated a seemingly
effortless pike, then led athletes in a drill meant to strengthen their ax
kicks.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBc9ZXnOuU92Azfh2fpGSmWAzoP77Z5NH00s_1yeM6SIYqLOdQ5K-wBJPusQKJyHcsJLuyea_-AaWxhD_2SI4DFSdiMGMUEblmBdM94vSDQNWD9Gm_XRDMQID490T3HhSQnp2NIC6ldHU/s1600/Domination_Mobility_Pike.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1158" data-original-width="1600" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBc9ZXnOuU92Azfh2fpGSmWAzoP77Z5NH00s_1yeM6SIYqLOdQ5K-wBJPusQKJyHcsJLuyea_-AaWxhD_2SI4DFSdiMGMUEblmBdM94vSDQNWD9Gm_XRDMQID490T3HhSQnp2NIC6ldHU/s320/Domination_Mobility_Pike.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><span style="font-size: x-small;">Cory Hill leads athletes in mobility drills.</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></strong> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>“Actively getting into and back
out of position helps with our kicking,” Hill said.<o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Athletes also practiced a series
of stretches to challenge their core. <o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>“Hold for 30 seconds,” Hill
coached as athletes grimaced. “It’s hard, I know. It’s called Domination Camp
for a reason.”<o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Hill glided from athlete to
athlete, gently moving legs and adjusting torsos to correct posture.</div>
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcD_O5wBMh7Ar5M1B0b0Zp_gVKF6UwVlY2go0-NKyf4iF3Xx-Xxp2X9bZPP80C4i5l60rhMmW2cndXme2LOFNX6TOpZPEVGmNgO7T5hBeNwckHoiD9e23fyRAA0nX7txq27tqRA6LSxn0/s1600/Domination_Mobility_Stretch4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1325" data-original-width="1600" height="264" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcD_O5wBMh7Ar5M1B0b0Zp_gVKF6UwVlY2go0-NKyf4iF3Xx-Xxp2X9bZPP80C4i5l60rhMmW2cndXme2LOFNX6TOpZPEVGmNgO7T5hBeNwckHoiD9e23fyRAA0nX7txq27tqRA6LSxn0/s320/Domination_Mobility_Stretch4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><strong>Hill challenged athletes to work on </strong><strong>mobility <em>and</em> </strong><strong>flexibility.</strong></span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>“Make sure you breathe,” Hill
said with a smile. “Breathing is a good thing.”<o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Hill stressed the difference
between flexibility (the ability to stretch muscles) and mobility (elements
that allow movement with a full range of motion).</div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>Athletes got plenty of time to
practice both, and at the end of the session, they gingerly walk back to the
edge of the mat to hydrate and commiserate. It had been a long, grueling day,
but there were smiles.<br />
<o:p><br />
Most admitted that they rarely focus on mobility.<br />
<br />
“I’ve never done these exercises before,” said Lydia Rosbarsky, 14, daughter of Missoula Taekwondo Center school owner Steve Rosbarsky. “Just to get my hips to open up more…. I felt stronger. It was so helpful.”<br />
<br />
Rosbarsky said she's excited to take the mobility exercises back home to her team in Montana.<o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"></span></o:p>Athletes who take advantage of Hill's expertise will be ahead of the game, Lambdin said.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">“I discovered him super late in my career,”
Lambdin said, adding, “(Mobility) is a huge advantage.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">Ice Baths, etc.</span></b><br />
Months before his Olympic debut
in Rio, Lambdin traveled to the mountains of Poland to meet and train with Wim
Hof. Nicknamed “The Iceman,” Hof is famous for using meditation and breathing
techniques while sitting in ice baths—consciously hyperventilating to raise his
heart rate, adrenaline, and blood alkalinity. The immediate overall goal is to gain
mental control over the body to optimize performance. The long game benefits
reportedly include more energy, reduced stress levels, and a stronger immune
system.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSVDAJWNLN0hWHHcrT_JjxkFb3Oa1StQPqIdeoZmwLtVsLCYX-Ti9VEyORQBpX2E_xZ8h2d3TDbCHrwKQ0UdPvpHSHWCc__PUx12JQw6UmRzmLI4Pxil3wr-Rarc1k4hzSztCh8DswUZ8/s1600/DominationIceBath.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="478" data-original-width="638" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSVDAJWNLN0hWHHcrT_JjxkFb3Oa1StQPqIdeoZmwLtVsLCYX-Ti9VEyORQBpX2E_xZ8h2d3TDbCHrwKQ0UdPvpHSHWCc__PUx12JQw6UmRzmLI4Pxil3wr-Rarc1k4hzSztCh8DswUZ8/s320/DominationIceBath.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><strong><span style="font-size: x-small;">Lambdin leads athletes in an early morning ice bath.</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-size: xx-small;"><em>Photo credit: Jeff Pinorac</em></span></strong></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></strong> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
On Day 3, Lambdin led athletes to
sit in a bin of ice water and practice Hof’s controlled breathing method.<o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>Rosbarsky said she hates being
cold. Though she had attended Lambdin-led seminars before, she had never taken
the ice plunge challenge.<o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
On Sunday, Rosbarsky
submerged slowly into the icy plastic bin.<o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
“(The ice) made your muscles want
to tense,” she said later, “but the whole point of the exercise is to breathe through
it. You don’t want your muscles to tense.”<o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Rosbarsky said she and other ice
bathers tried to keep their minds off the fact that they were cold.<o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>“We engaged in conversation with
other people about how cold it was,” she said. “They were trying to get me to
laugh.”<o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
She stayed in the ice bath for
about four minutes. (“It felt like 10!” she laughed.) Did she notice a
difference?<o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>“For me, it helped to not focus
on the actual cold and instead make my breathing normal,” she said.<o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Rosbarsky said that when she
returns home, she plans to apply what she learned in the rivers in Missoula.</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZRLDvgIFqPBbu0uvOa0gjbZftKGm-wW1gf9O5Q5111EiVsToTH9GMzhSmsz8ZqMEbHxnymqLUDIigQmeZ3Mr6j1i1JXLHvqb6IDw3zDVfMxfnBgutLXjfXAGUdgOYFLnQ655GAkMM-xQ/s1600/Domination_QandA.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="964" data-original-width="1285" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZRLDvgIFqPBbu0uvOa0gjbZftKGm-wW1gf9O5Q5111EiVsToTH9GMzhSmsz8ZqMEbHxnymqLUDIigQmeZ3Mr6j1i1JXLHvqb6IDw3zDVfMxfnBgutLXjfXAGUdgOYFLnQ655GAkMM-xQ/s320/Domination_QandA.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<o:p><strong><span style="font-size: x-small;">Elijah Tatum of Texas asks for clarification on a drill during a question-and-answer session.</span></strong></o:p></div>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">Stamina Stretch</span></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>It didn’t take long for the
athletes to get warm blood pumping again through their icy veins. The day’s
conditioning drill was intended to push the athletes to exhaustion, starting
with running increasing rounds of laps.<o:p></o:p><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
One by one, athletes took a seat
when they reached the end of their stamina.<o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
In the end, four were standing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Elijah Tatum of Dallas wasn’t one
of them. But he wasn’t disappointed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Sweat pouring down his forehead
and his previously light gray T-shirt darkened with effort, Tatum was happy
with his results.<o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
“I made it to 16 (rounds). A year
ago, I would have only been able to do 11 or 12. So I’m getting better.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Thackrey and Lambdin agreed that
conditioning should be a standard part of every athlete’s training.<o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
“Why don’t (you) have power in
the third round?” Thackrey asked the winded athletes. “Why do (you) burn out in
the third round? Conditioning.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Elite athletes can’t afford
conditioning to be an afterthought, Lambdin said, adding that they shouldn’t think
“just because you’re good at (sparring), that that’s going to be enough.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
“You just can’t slap
(conditioning) on the end” of training preparation, Thackrey said. “Real
conditioning is years in development.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Finally, the athletes
donned sparring gear for the final two-hour session. Amid the sound of the thud
of a good kick to the chest guard, their movements were slower than when camp
began. Faces were softened by exhaustion—and relaxation. The atmosphere lacked
the pre-camp anxiety. Still, the mental intention and focus that the athletes
set outside on the sidewalk on Day One remained.<o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;">What Next?</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>Time and competition results will
tell whether the camp and its future iterations are a success, Thackrey said.
In the meantime, the coaches left the athletes with some last pieces of
advice.<o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span>Lambdin emphasized three things:<o:p></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><strong>Be responsible:</strong> “You’re the only one who will be
awake in the middle of the night, 20 years from now, if you don’t achieve your
goals.”</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 8pt 0in 8pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><strong>Have a spirit of servitude:</strong> “People don’t
remember what you won, but they will remember how you made them feel. Go out of
your way to give back.”</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.25in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><strong>Don’t give up:</strong> “I was never the smartest,
fastest, or best athlete, but I persevered where others quit…. Stay with it.
It’s worth it!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Thackrey kept it simple:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
“Get good people around you, and
hold them to the highest standard<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 107%;">.”</span></div>
</div>
</span><br />CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-8425262205492147502017-10-27T09:00:00.000-05:002017-10-27T09:12:59.890-05:00Life Tips for a One-Month-Old<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8htJmxH_3IpDr9HnoJQ7GVU5Udwr7AI7KaW2eH1Bsffle4XI1R9NCh6PQVtNQfLEP1N4jgccPYfwKbeaYZbGApwMzmJ0hsDi6yx6Gnpjgg4CFwEA7ZSuqR8lKfjs8lzooaKpvHgdjF1A/s1600/2017-10-25+22.06.10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8htJmxH_3IpDr9HnoJQ7GVU5Udwr7AI7KaW2eH1Bsffle4XI1R9NCh6PQVtNQfLEP1N4jgccPYfwKbeaYZbGApwMzmJ0hsDi6yx6Gnpjgg4CFwEA7ZSuqR8lKfjs8lzooaKpvHgdjF1A/s320/2017-10-25+22.06.10.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“If there’s a NICU rocker in the house,
can you come to Bay 3?” I heard on the hospital intercom. The baby girl I was
rocking was asleep in my arms, so I returned her to her bed and answered the
call.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">When I walked into Bay 3, I saw the
familiar, relieved smile of a tired nurse who desperately needed help with a
fussy boy so that she could finish charting before her shift ended.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">She was about to go home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">And when I saw a car seat sitting on the
floor near his bed, I knew Fussy Boy would be going home soon, too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“He’s doing really well,” the nurse said. “REALLY
well. We’re so happy he turned a corner.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I settled into my rocker with a pillow to
cradle my elbow. When she handed him to me, Fussy Boy was warm. Baby warm. I
don’t know what the exact temperature is of Baby Warm, but if you hold enough
babies, you quickly discover that they have a special warmth: A physical
feeling, but more notably a spiritual warmth that melts your heart.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Soon the nurse was off to her computer
station, typing away to update her patients’ charts for the next shift. And
Fussy Boy, although wonderfully warm, was uncomfortable. Irritable. Fidgety.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">So we worked on the first thing that
usually calms restless souls: body position. Rocker protocol is to always start
with a flat cradle, making sure the baby’s chin is tilted upward enough for
good airflow through the throat. So I cradled him flat. He fussed. I moved the
pillow to raise his upper body. He whimpered. And then I hit the sweet spot
(every baby seems to have one): I held him upright against my chest, patted him
gently on his bum, and began humming a slow “Love Will Keep Us Together.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">He couldn’t hear my hums for his crying,
but I kept humming anyway. My experience is that at some point, the baby takes
a breath, and can hear other things going on besides his own cries. He hears a
soothing hum, a vibration from my chest to his, and then his cries slowly
lessen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">So I kept humming, patting, and rocking. After
that song was over, I moved on to “Muskrat Love.” And when that song was over, he
had become quiet. I could tell by the pace of his breathing (and the monitor)
that he was falling to sleep.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I was quiet for a long while, enjoying
listening to him breathe. I noticed that he had a big 1 on the side of his bed. He was one month old already!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Since I knew he’d be going home soon, I suddenly felt compelled
to give him some advice. So I just started talking.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“A lot of what I’m about to tell you is
from a book I wrote, which you may never read, so I’m going to give you the
CliffsNotes version.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“1. Always respect your parents. At first,
you’re going to love your parents. They’ll do everything for you: feed you,
clean you, play with you. Then when you get older, they’ll teach you things,
take you to the park, and tell you what to do. You may not want to do what they tell you to do. In fact, you’ll probably get really mad at them at times. It’s O.K. to
be angry at someone you love. But be respectful. They’ll be mad at you some
day, too, but that doesn’t mean they don’t love you. No matter how mad you get,
even if you’re right about something even though they say you’re wrong, show respect.
I’m saying a prayer for you right now that you have a good, strong, loving
relationship with your parents. I didn’t have that. It was hard for me. And I don’t
want that for you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“2. Always say hello to your mom and dad
when they come home from a long day at work. Until you’re old enough to take
care of yourself—pay for your own food, shelter, transportation—they’re going
to work hard to provide for you. They may have had the most absolutely horrible
day, and you saying hello and being present might just be the love they need at
that very moment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“3. Never lie. Unless your life is in
danger. Seriously, just don’t. It’ll get you in so much trouble and cause pain
for you and those around you. It’s so hard to remember a lie, anyway, but you
always know the truth, so just stick to that. Now, when you’re older, if you
decide that you like to write stories, then it’s O.K. to write fantasy books
(hint, hint). But, dude, just don’t lie. Life’s so much easier that way.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Fussy Baby became fussy again, but he was
well on his way to a good nap, so I switched to cradling him in my left arm.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Do you have siblings?” I asked. “Well,
No. 4 is a real challenge. Always try to have a good relationship with your
siblings.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">He made a sour face.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Oh, so you already know what I mean?” I
chuckled.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Yeah, this is a hard one. It’s hard for
me, and, boy, I’ve made some mistakes. But your siblings are training-wheel
relationships—practice for how to communicate, collaborate, and cooperate with
others. You’ll build puzzles together and maybe have sword fights in the back
yard. And you may tell them your fears and dreams. Then sometimes they’ll be annoying.
So try to be patient.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“5. Eat your fruits and vegetables. When
you get old enough to chew and digest real food, you’re going to LOVE to eat. And
there’s some really tasty food out there. But don’t forget to eat stuff like
broccoli, spinach, apples, bananas, oranges, cauliflower. This stuff is really
good for your body, and will help you grow and stay healthy. Your parents may
want you to try certain foods. Don’t be stubborn. Try it. You might like it!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“6. Speak up for yourself. Tell others
when they’ve done or said something that hurts. If they love you, they’ll hear
you, apologize, and not repeat the behavior. If they ignore your words, you
might want to walk away. And make sure you apologize when you've done the same. Never be afraid to own up to your mistakes.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“7. Trust your instincts. And if adults
tell you to keep a secret, just between you and them, that’s a sign that you DEFINITELY
need to tell someone. Go to someone you trust and tell. You won’t get in
trouble.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“8. Don’t do drugs. Just don’t. Trust me
on this, nothing good comes from it. I did it. O.K.? Full disclosure here, I
drank a lot and experimented with drugs, and it didn’t turn out well. Now I’m
better, but I wasted a lot of Earth time with chemicals. I know that when you
get older, your school friends are going to want you to try drugs and alcohol.
So if you don’t mind, I’m going to plant a little seed here. You ready? ‘I
don’t like drugs and alcohol. I don’t like drugs and alcohol. I don’t like
drugs and alcohol.’ If you stay away from that stuff, you’ll bypass a lot of
pain.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Fussy Boy was no longer fussy; he was now
snoozing a soft, nasally hum. The monitors indicated that he was in a deep
sleep when the new shift’s nurse came over to check on us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“I see a car seat on the floor over
there,” I said. “I know what that means!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“That’s right,” she smiled. “He’s about to
go home!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Did you hear that?” I asked
No-Longer-Fussy Boy, though he was fast asleep. “You’re about to go home, where
there won’t be so many noises, lights, beeping monitors, and round-the-clock
assessments. You’re going to love home. You’ll get so many more cuddles from
your parents.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">No-Longer-Fussy Boy smiled. Or burped,
depending on your interpretation. I slowly rose from my rocker, placed him gently
into his bed, and tucked the baby blue polar bear blanket under his body.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Have a great life,” I said as I left. “We’re
so glad you’re here.”</span></div>
CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-71476667515366478072017-06-29T07:11:00.001-05:002018-02-12T12:46:32.134-06:00Baby Rockin' 101<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Every
week, someone spouts an excited variance of, “I didn’t know you could volunteer
to rock babies. Didn’t even know that was a thing. Can I do it?”<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Why,
yes, you can, and in a minute, I’ll tell you how. But first, I want to tell you
why.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Marvel
Lanagan was Mare’s friend, and so she was mine too. Marvel and I bonded over
giggles and a deep love of other people's babies. Neither of us had children, yet both of us loved
them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Marvel
volunteered once a week in the nursery of St. David’s Medical Center in Austin,
and she would share stories of how wonderful it was to rock babies.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Oh, I didn’t know you could volunteer to rock babies. Didn’t even know that was a thing. I want to do that!” I often said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“You
should,” she often replied with a wide smile. “You’d be good at it.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
never did.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">One day at work, Marvel, at age 45, collapsed in her cubicle. Her
heart suddenly stopped. A coworker found her, EMS was called, and she was resuscitated,
but she’d been without oxygen too long.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Marvel died nine days after doctors removed all life support.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
remember grieving deeply. I remember not wanting to train for an upcoming
triathlon. I remember crying at work. And I thought of the babies. Who’ll rock the
babies now? I couldn’t do it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Years
later, after much introspection via a 12-week program called <em>The Artist’s Way</em>, I
wrote down a bunch of bucket list items. “Baby rocking” was high on the list.
So I began researching how to make that happen. Here’s what I did.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQYj51u17rYhUnc1GC5A-WFy1rNhwYyfkKYtP3wsbhGkHMWj5_XP-jZKY64rDO07g829w9QXx18SUoNWCyJhHC7yjSJqjMorAj4ogUtNhdGSi10RfxsqDuEd0FwwvogX8HOhBFsLlIwmY/s1600/Rocker.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="196" data-original-width="257" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQYj51u17rYhUnc1GC5A-WFy1rNhwYyfkKYtP3wsbhGkHMWj5_XP-jZKY64rDO07g829w9QXx18SUoNWCyJhHC7yjSJqjMorAj4ogUtNhdGSi10RfxsqDuEd0FwwvogX8HOhBFsLlIwmY/s1600/Rocker.png" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
This isn't me. Photographs are not allowed at St. David's</div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
due to HIPPA patient confidentiality rules.</div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Intro to Baby Rockin'</span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><strong><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Choose
a hospital.</span></strong></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I knew St. David’s had a baby rocking
program, and there was a hospital 10 minutes away from my home. So I searched
the hospital’s website and clicked on its Volunteering page. Turns out there’s
A LOT of ways to volunteer. I had no idea. St. David’s has Community,
College, and Teen Summer volunteer programs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><strong><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Choose
a program.</span></strong></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Don’t let your eyes glaze over when you
click on Volunteer Opportunities. At St. David’s, a person can volunteer for
everything from the gift shop and information desk to the emergency room. You
must be at least 25 years old to volunteer as a NICU rocker, but check out the official
job description: “Provides compassionate nurture to NICU infants by rocking and
holding eligible patients.” Sweet!</span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><strong><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Apply
online.</span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">St. David’s has an easy, year-round online
application process. Very convenient.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><strong><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Interview.</span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">After I filed my online application, a Volunteer
Services staff member sent me an e-mail to set up an interview. I sat in a
small office with two women who asked me all kinds of questions. I knew
they were trying to gauge whether I was a baby stalker nut. (I’m glad they
realized I wasn’t.) It was a great conversation. We talked about the typical
interview topics (“What’s your greatest strength/weakness?”) and then they got to the
point: "Why do you want to rock babies?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I told them about Marvel.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><strong><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Undergo
a drug screening and thorough background check.</span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Wouldn’t you want to know that the person
rocking your baby isn’t a baby rocker stalker nut? Me too. So St. David’s
takes a while to do a diligent screening, including carefully checking all character
references. I had no problem waiting. It actually made me feel good that the
hospital went to such great lengths to ensure that all volunteers are the people they say
they are, and that their patients are safe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><strong><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Attend
volunteer orientation.</span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The next month, I attended the all-hospital volunteer
orientation held in the evening in a large conference room at the
hospital. I got a free sandwich and LOTS of interesting information. I learned about
facility policies and procedures, HIPPA patient confidentiality rules, and that Code Adam means someone
is trying to run off with a baby and that I should immediately guard the
nearest exit. (The black belt in me knew I could do this without a problem. Come at me, bro'!)</span><br />
</div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">At the end of orientation, we took a test and then signed final documents
in a thick agreement packet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><strong><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Get
your flu shot, and prove that all your immunizations are up to date.</span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I couldn’t find my childhood immunization
records. Could you? No worries. There's now a cool blood test that can detect whether
you have the chicken pox, measles, and mumps immunizations in your system. Ah,
the wonders of science! (FYI: The flu shot is non-negotiable. You either get it or you don't volunteer. St. David's is serious about not spreading viruses and infections.)</span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><strong><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">8.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Pick
a day and time to volunteer.</span></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">In the NICU, volunteers are required to
commit to a year of service for at least three hours a week. I’ve been rocking
babies every Wednesday night, 6 p.m.-9 p.m., for almost two years and have no plans to stop any time soon.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><strong><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">9.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Attend
training session in your department.</span></strong></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">On a Friday afternoon in early December 2015, I started my journey by learning the importance of scrubbing thoroughly before entering the unit (protocol calls for washing your hands for 20 seconds; that's equal to singing <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Happy Birthday</i> twice). St. David's is serious about halting the introduction and spread of infection. They even have little plastic filers to help scoop out dirt under my fingernails.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Next to washing my hands, the other important thing to remember was to always pull on surgical gloves before touching a baby. After that, I got coached on how to cradle a baby’s head to ensure good airflow and how to maneuver around wire connections. In no time the nurse trainer asked if I was ready to hold one. I suddenly got scared. (My mind was screaming, "Don't break the baby! Don't break the baby!") I gulped, sat in a rocking chair, and she handed me my first patient. Rocking that baby was such a blast. I was so proud of myself!</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">My trainer was so nice, and she gave me small yet important tips such as, "Some
premature babies have imbalance issues, so don’t rock so fast."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">My great nephew, Landon, was born in Corpus Christi that same Friday. He had fluid in his lungs, so he spent some time in the NICU. My niece was frantic. But I learned that Friday that some babies go to the NICU for this kind of stuff all the time. It's common and temporary. Their lungs just need a little help learning how to breathe on their own. My niece was relieved when I told her that she didn’t have to be afraid. All those tubes and wires connected to her little boy were for good reason, and everything would be alright.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><strong><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">10.</span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Rock
on!<o:p></o:p></span></strong></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
hope this blog post helped answer some basic questions about volunteering as a
baby rocker in your area. If your local hospital doesn't have a rocker program, show them this blog post and ask to start one!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">If you have any other questions, shoot me an e-mail at <a href="https://www.blogger.com/null">TaoTexas@gmail.com</a>, or check out your
local hospital’s website under Volunteer Opportunities.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Happy
Rockin’!</span></div>
CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-69808105221989562622017-06-02T07:05:00.001-05:002017-06-02T09:18:59.464-05:00Maybe<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
other night during my baby rocking shift in the NICU, I saw that J. was awake,
so I pulled on the standard purple latex gloves, leaned over the bedframe, and started talking to him.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">J.
has a mass on his head, and he’s most likely blind. Nurses aren’t sure whether he can hear.
J. has been in the NICU for months now, and he needs stimulation. So I
just decided to talk to him for a while, whether he could hear or not.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">He's a sweet boy. Patient. Curious. Sometimes scared about things he obviously doesn't understand. I found that rubbing his belly while talking to him works to calm his spirit. (Maybe he feels the vibration of my voice. Maybe it's my imagination.)</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
slowly and softly rubbed his belly while I told him my version of an old Zen story of the farmer
and his horse.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtpp6s_3ngo3e9I7p2_cjQp3yzFkLPTYPe_g1Zgm4rV8_p5z6GCxaavYt2HBVFEJcCIFo111jB81i6ebf8k25Kcf3_Pd-NPYYURsEO7ENtS1_rEU4e81b8dMJiEMleMl5Rl2wURiFaoR8/s1600/good-luckbad-luckwho-knows.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="268" data-original-width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtpp6s_3ngo3e9I7p2_cjQp3yzFkLPTYPe_g1Zgm4rV8_p5z6GCxaavYt2HBVFEJcCIFo111jB81i6ebf8k25Kcf3_Pd-NPYYURsEO7ENtS1_rEU4e81b8dMJiEMleMl5Rl2wURiFaoR8/s1600/good-luckbad-luckwho-knows.png" /></a></div>
</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“There
once was a farmer who had a horse. One night there was a terrible storm, and
the lightning scared the horse so much he busted out of the corral. The next
day the farmer realized his horse was gone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“His
neighbor said, ‘Now you don’t have a horse to plow the fields. That’s
terrible!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“And
the farmer said, ‘Maybe.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Two
days later the horse came back with two mares. They all trotted right into the
corral.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“And
the farmer’s neighbor said, ‘That’s terrific!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“And
the farmer said, ‘Maybe.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“The
next day, the farmer’s only son put a saddle on one of the mares to tame her,
but when he climbed on, she bucked wildly. She threw him down on the ground so
hard that he broke his leg.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“And
the farmer’s neighbor said, ‘That’s awful!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“And
the farmer said, ‘Maybe.’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Days
later, a war broke out, and the emperor sent a group to the area to draft young
men for his army. Well, the farmer's son had a broken leg. He couldn’t serve,
so they left.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“And
the farmer’s neighbor said, ‘That’s terrific!’<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“And
the farmer said, ‘Maybe.’ ”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">By
now, J. was peacefully sucking on his binkie. His eyelids had started a
now-familiar, slow, downward droop. He was falling asleep. And so I left him with my
moral of the story.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“J.,
maybe you’re blind. Maybe you’re deaf. Whether these are bad things depends on
perspective. There is likely a gift in you that none of us recognize. So you
hang in there. You grow into the man you’re supposed to be, because your story
hasn’t been written yet. And even if it had, maybe—just maybe—the ending will
change into something completely different.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">J.
fought sleep, but sleep was winning, so I pulled off the latex gloves and left
his side.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
nursing staff know all the medical jargon and reasons why J. might be in for a
challenging life. But I have to remember that medicine—the physical realm—is
only part of the picture of this little boy’s life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Is
it a tragedy that he’ll be blind and possibly deaf?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">As
the farmer often said, “Maybe.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-21042033934409004622017-05-24T08:28:00.001-05:002017-05-24T12:22:44.599-05:00Father Figure<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Facebook
tells me today that I’ve been friends with Ivan Ujueta for four years.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">This
is a lie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">We’re
not friends.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Our sometimes-complicated relationship <span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">has always been more than that—for much longer than that. </span>And it’s something for which I’m deeply grateful today.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Kyoshi
Ivan (kyoshi is a title given to karate masters) was a father figure to me
during the years in which I had no relationship or contact with my alcoholic father. Kyoshi was my first karate
instructor, and I idolized him. He was strong, confident, and
generous. As a karate instructor, he was tough, demanding, and inspiring.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="1600" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiddlZvxlanLKLuaf6LSnuIo2ZY6SF-AeHAxWLu3AnE9jhgOBLU6tczOmmWwd3B8pr8A3X6uPjBd6JcNOfsVlY4nMNi0mwlshd-_0luPaPuVDr8PklekJ2T9ODj8p-ZllQKUY-uJG0bJYM/s320/Ujueta.jpg" width="320" /><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><strong>Kyoshi Ivan Ujueta of the Professional Karate Institute in San Antonio</strong></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
remember the first time I saw him 25 years ago at a San Antonio mall. I gazed
with other onlookers through a glass storefront window while he taught a bunch
of karate kids. He had a bald head, a finely trimmed goatee, and arms to rival
Popeye. I was mesmerized, and I pretty much stayed that way the entire time I
trained with him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Oh,
let's be frank: he scared the crap outta me, too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">There
were many days when I was sure I’d die during one of his workouts. He taught
jukido (“the gentle, powerful way”), an eclectic blend of half a dozen Japanese,
Chinese, and Korean martial arts. I was terrified almost every day on the mat. He
made me get over my fear of rolling (<em>I might break my neck</em>), falling (<em>I might
break my arm</em>), and sparring (<em>I might die for lack of oxygen</em>).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">There
were many tests I was sure I’d fail. I never did.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">There
were times—fewer and thus that much more memorable—when he praised my
performance and technique in front of my classmates.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">He helped me through many dark days of early sobriety. I doubt he realized this. He was so important to me. I wanted to be like him in so many ways. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
loved him dearly, as I would my own father.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">When I moved away two years later to take a job at a
newspaper in Austin, I left with mixed emotions. By then, we had grown
spiritually close, and then grew spiritually apart, for we held
different views. The details are unimportant, for the ultimate outcome is more telling:</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">When
I opened Tao of Texas Martial Arts Institute in 2006, he was the first
instructor I hosted for a seminar. My students loved him, and some still talk
about his dynamic, powerful presence.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Through
the years, we have somehow maintained a special relationship. Few
may ever really get how much we mean to each other. And that’s O.K. No one else
has to understand. A higher power put us together at the same place and the same time for different reasons. We each honored that meeting, and that's all that matters to me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">
So, Facebook, thanks for the (erroneous) reminder. Kyoshi and I have been more than friends for more than four years, and today, I’m
grateful.</span></div>
CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-31221406323496130012017-04-27T09:10:00.002-05:002017-05-01T09:44:32.992-05:00A Prayer Letter to a Teen in Pain<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcT9SfTBjYYxwAvYHGXjv5HJJL01WuSK1YGaiLrA26FUAwiJmPceA8rL59U8QM9_46A_UisyzZ0gvGyk7Iuev0KkRKnC7nHlxbfg1mGTii9QEOnpOJ9UKHX5RgHRkFeP7C2LQqK-5qmsE/s1600/Letters.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcT9SfTBjYYxwAvYHGXjv5HJJL01WuSK1YGaiLrA26FUAwiJmPceA8rL59U8QM9_46A_UisyzZ0gvGyk7Iuev0KkRKnC7nHlxbfg1mGTii9QEOnpOJ9UKHX5RgHRkFeP7C2LQqK-5qmsE/s1600/Letters.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><strong></strong></span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><strong>Second in a series</strong></span></i><br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span></i><br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The letter below was written to a suicidal
teen who's been going through a tough time after a breakup. The name has been
changed to protect his identity.<o:p></o:p></span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Dear
Kyle,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">You
probably don’t remember me, but I’ve been on the outer circle of your life from
the beginning. (I visited you the day you were born, attended your bris,
watched a few college football games with you and your mom and dad when you
were a toddler, and have kept up with your soccer feats through your mom’s
Facebook posts.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I know
you’ve been struggling. I’m sending you massive healing chi and prayers, but
sometimes the best prayer is the one in which people share something hard that
they’ve gone through in the past in hopes that it might comfort someone else
today. You’re my “someone else.” So here goes:<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">When
I was your age, books and academics were my friends. Socially, I was
pimple-faced and awkward, scared to become vulnerable enough to have a
relationship with anyone. I stayed single for the first half of my life because
I was so afraid to open my heart and get it crushed. I was 22 when I had my
first relationship. It lasted three months, and after it ended, I plummeted
into a deep depression. I slowly regained my footing, but it took seven years
for me to gather enough courage to have another relationship. That one lasted a
whopping eight months, and it was after that breakup that I hit an emotional
and spiritual bottom. (This turned out to be a good thing.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
was depressed. I cried constantly. I felt like throwing up and fainting several
times a day. The grief was overwhelming—almost too much to bear. I lost my job
because I couldn’t function. I was sleeping on a friend’s couch because I
didn’t have a place to live anymore now that I moved out of my girlfriend’s
house. (She wanted to still be friends. But I was in too much pain. I couldn’t
be around her.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">One
day I was sitting on the edge of my friend’s couch, and I was crying so hard
that snot was dribbling down my blouse. I didn’t care. I thought I was going
crazy, telling her, “I think I need to go to a hospital.” Before she could
respond, the phone rang. And I sat on the couch and cried some more. Then I had
a moment of clarity, and I prayed.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span> </div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“God,
if I’m going to go crazy, let’s get it over with, because I can’t do this
anymore.”</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">You
see, I was afraid that if I felt the depth of my pain, that if I LET GO, that I
would either go crazy or die, or go crazy and then die because of all the
strain crying put on my heart. In the moment, either one was better than
keeping the pain inside me. I had finally reached the point of letting go. I
was willing to cry myself into insanity, and you know what? I didn’t go crazy.
I didn’t die.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">My
friend interrupted my tears: “It’s for you,” she said, handing me the phone.
“Some doctor."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
picked up the telephone and discovered that in a grief haze, I had called a
counselor the day before for an appointment.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“It
sounds like you’re having a rough time today,” the counselor said. “How’s
3:30?”<o:p></o:p></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
don’t remember calling the counselor, but spiritually, her call for me that day
was perfectly timed. I went to that appointment, even though I couldn’t afford
to pay, and she allowed me to continue therapy for a few more sessions until I
could get on antidepressants that worked for me and get back on my feet. I
don’t remember her name, and I don’t even know if she was real. It doesn’t
matter. She’ll always be an angel to me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">That
was the absolute lowest point of my life, and Life waited until I was in my
early 30s to hand me this lesson and this amount of pain to overcome. You’re
just 16. So I can only imagine how hard and scary and overwhelming all the pain
is for you right now.<o:p></o:p></span>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Here’s
what changed: I had loving people in my life who helped me see my value. Hilda
C. was one of them. She challenged me to take myself out to restaurants and NOT
bring a book—to just sit there with ME. To practice having a relationship with
ME. I gotta admit: This was incredibly uncomfortable. But she helped me see
that at the core, there were some things that I didn’t like about myself. Once
those realizations surfaced, she helped me work through those things—to find
peace with the things I didn’t like by working little by little to change those
things. More over, she helped me recognize the things that I LOVE about myself.
And today, after many years of practice, I LOVE me in a lot of ways. I even
cherish my alone time. I’ve gone to movies, lunches, concerts, and even
vacations alone. I decided that I was worthy of love, and that I wasn’t going
to wait around for a partner to start living my life and having adventures.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
spent three more years alone, and in that time, I focused on getting my chemistry
stabilized. (I still take antidepressants because depression runs in my family;
it’s hereditary and it’s not my fault.) I focused my energy on doing things
that I loved: martial arts, writing, reading, and service work. I practiced
vulnerability with friends who were much safer and less scary than a romantic
love interest.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Today I’m happily married to a woman named
Marianna. She’s been my partner for almost 20 years. I couldn’t even put
together 20 months in a relationship before her. And today I can say that I’m
so incredibly grateful that THOSE OTHER RELATIONSHIPS DIDN’T WORK OUT. I had no
idea what was waiting for me. When I was in my grief, I felt so lonely and
alone. I didn’t think anyone would understand my pain, so I didn’t talk about
it. All I could see was what I wanted and couldn’t have, and I didn’t think
anyone else would want me.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
was so wrong.<o:p></o:p></span>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
Universe has a wicked sense of humor. All those failures in relationships weren’t
failures at all. They were lessons I needed to learn that would make it
possible for me to be with someone like Mare, who was working on her issues,
too.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Thank goodness for Hilda and my current mentor, Catheran. They taught me how to build higher self-esteem. They taught me that I was a wonderful person all by myself. They taught me how to love myself and treasure my gifts. They taught me that life can be good with or without a girlfriend or boyfriend.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"></span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">This
is such a hard time for you. I feel your pain. Truly I do. I also know that if
I would have hung on to my pain, it would have killed me. I had to let go—as
scary as it was to do. I had to believe that there was something better out
there for me—something worth living and fighting for: ME.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">If
you can, Kyle, I urge you to let go, but don’t give up. These are two very
different things. Letting go is harder than giving up. Giving up is so final.
Letting go takes courage, but is so freeing.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">So
that’s my story. I hope you get something out of it. And if you’d like to meet
for ice cream sometime and talk more, I’ll buy. Please don’t give up hope.
Better, happier days are closer to you than you think.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">With
love and respect,<o:p></o:p></span>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Cathy<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span><br />CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-90315542542655538492017-04-24T10:16:00.004-05:002017-05-26T12:23:04.498-05:0013 Things I Wish I'd Said<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibS_DvM4IYXyoARceUeKYTarBZonGL1-ukIzJttKCg1y5Tok7wBE_61ZTiMdnc65t1rEkzeYsx51qv5iMqQpn5sJ6KARzryBj9V9HteixQP3L6UzW6KX7MGxTV1tSr3qMJKbczd-GgytA/s1600/Beanie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibS_DvM4IYXyoARceUeKYTarBZonGL1-ukIzJttKCg1y5Tok7wBE_61ZTiMdnc65t1rEkzeYsx51qv5iMqQpn5sJ6KARzryBj9V9HteixQP3L6UzW6KX7MGxTV1tSr3qMJKbczd-GgytA/s320/Beanie.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: medium;"><strong><em>First in a two-part series</em></strong></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: large;">Years ago, I sat next to literary agent Laura Rennert at a writers' conference
luncheon in Austin, Texas, and she wouldn’t shut up about an important project
she helped bring to the market.<br />
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">The book was called <em>Thirteen Reasons Why</em> by Jay Asher.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: large;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">There’s been a lot of discussion recently on social media about the groundbreaking Netflix
series based on Asher’s novel. I haven't seen the series yet, but the book itself was an overwhelmingly shocking and sad read. I finished it not too long after a woman I was mentoring killed herself.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: large;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">I’ve known several people who have committed suicide: among them, my
cousin and two women I mentored in a recovery program. There also have been
many other colleagues and acquaintances who have “accidentally” overdosed. Statistics
tell me that I’m not the only person who has lost someone to suicide. According
to the World Health Organization (WHO), 34,000 people commit suicide each year—about
one death every 15 minutes. The WHO predicts that by 2030, depression will pass
cancer, stroke, war, and accidents as the world's leading cause of death.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"></span></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">Caitlan, a woman I mentored, talked about suicide all the time. She was
in her early 20s and in medical school, and she had already been in a mental
hospital several times. She really tried to be happy. I remember her wearing a propeller beanie hat, just to fake it. Unfortunately, she was on a seemingly unending merry-go-round:
recovering from depression with new medications, thriving for a while, but then
falling again into a deep downward spiral. Caitlan said her parents never
wanted to talk about how or why she was suffering. They just wanted her to get better so that she could be a
doctor. They saw her potential, not her pain.</span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">I remember sitting outside a coffee shop with her one night when she
said again that she wanted to die. Every time she went back to med school, the
suicidal thoughts returned.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">“Do you even <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">want</i> to be a
doctor?” I asked her.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">“My parents want me to be a doctor,” she replied.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">“But do YOU want to be a doctor?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">“My parents wouldn’t understand,” she said.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">I asked her why she didn’t tell her parents that she didn’t want to be
a doctor. She couldn’t bring herself to say the words. I few months later, she
left a voicemail, saying that she was doing well. A few weeks later, she hanged
herself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">I’ll never forget her. She remains a painful reminder to always talk
openly about suicide—to go the extra mile to get those crying out for help the
treatment they need, and then to keep talking about their feelings and to keep
getting them help. Caitlan’s gone, and I didn’t get a second chance to say
the things I wish I’d said to her. It’s too late. But maybe it’s not too late
for someone in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">your</i> life. Maybe by me
sharing what I wish I’d said, you can say it to someone you love and help
them through their rough time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">Here are the 13 things I wish I’d said:<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 43.5pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -25.5pt;">
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -20.25pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I LOVE YOU.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: small;">
</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -20.25pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">It’s not your fault that you feel the
way you do. You didn't do anything wrong. You're not wrong.</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: small;">
</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -20.25pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">You’re not alone. You need to know
that. Other people have and do feel the way you do, and many have gotten help and gotten through tough times.</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: small;">
</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -20.25pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I can see that you're in pain. If you share your pain with me and
others, the pain will likely lessen. Let me help lighten your load.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: small;">
</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -20.25pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">You can talk as long as you want—about
anything—and I’ll listen. I’ll just listen if that’s what you want and need. I
won’t try to fix you.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: small;">
</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -20.25pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I can tell you’re hurting. I can tell
you want help and might not know how to ask for it. Can I make some suggestions
of resources that might ease your pain?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: small;">
</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -20.25pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">You can tell me anything—ANYTHING. You
can ask me anything, too. I won't judge you.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: small;">
</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -20.25pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">8.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">It’s O.K. to disappoint your parents.
They’ll get over it. Trust me on this.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: small;">
</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -20.25pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">9.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">You’re not bad for having
suicidal thoughts. You’re not weak. You’re struggling.
There’s a difference.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: small;">
</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -20.25pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">10.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Suicidal
ideation, however fleeting, is more common than you might think. (Cite
statistics above.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: small;">
</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -20.25pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">11.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I
know that your family has a history of suicide and mental illness. It’s nothing
to be ashamed of, and you’re not automatically doomed to follow this pattern.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: small;">
</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -20.25pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">12.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Suicide
is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Can we brainstorm for
alternatives to suicide?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -20.25pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">13.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I
LOVE YOU, REGARDLESS.</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
</div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">Bringing the topic of suicide out from the shadows is important. When
the topic and problem of suicide remains in the dark—remains taboo for open
discussion—the person in pain may continue to feel lonely and alone. So go
ahead: Talk about it. Get it out. Have you considered suicide in the past? If
so, talk about how you felt at that time, what changed, and what life’s like
now. Have you lost loved ones to suicide? How did you feel when you couldn’t save
them? Talk about that too.</span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<span style="font-size: large;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">If a loved one or friend is in pain, pull out all the stops. Get the
mental health treatment necessary. Tell the person that you love them a zillion
times, and then tell them again. Tell them to not be afraid or hesitant to talk
about their questions, fears, and pain. Tell them you’ll listen. And then
be available to listen. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">You may not get a second chance.</span></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span></span>CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-57221571803378921372017-03-16T07:52:00.003-05:002017-03-17T10:19:38.668-05:00I Hear You<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Last Wednesday night, I sat with Uncle
Marvin on his death bed in a nursing home in Llano, Texas. He struggled to
breathe. He was dying, and he knew it. He was frustrated, and I knew it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I haven’t told many people about my
experience with my uncle during his last few hours, but because of what
happened last night in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) of an Austin
hospital, I’m telling it now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Saying
goodbye<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Uncle Marvin had Stage 4 lung cancer. He
was a big man in his younger years: tall, strong, and opinionated. A Vietnam
vet. He was the person who sat beside me in my family's dining room as I
read a story I wrote called “Clink Clank” about a talking dog. He told me, “Keep
it up, kid.” (I was in the third grade then, and I never forgot those words.) Now he was reduced to lying motionless in a nursing home bed, eating
pureed meals, and receiving oxygen to help him breathe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">When I sat with him that night, his
decline from a few days before was remarkable. He was no longer eating or
drinking. He couldn't talk. He didn’t have the energy to move, yet he was still somehow able to
communicate his feelings: He was irritable. Frustrated. Powerless. Then
suddenly he’d stare out into space at <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">something</i>
and take hard breaths.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I knew I had to say goodbye, so I
positioned my chair in his line of sight, held his hand, and started talking,
just like I do with the babies in the NICU. Sometimes, the most comforting
thing you can do for people who might be feeling powerless and afraid is to
talk to them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Because they hear you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I told him how incredibly grateful I was
that he took the time to say those four simple words—“keep it up, kid”—to me,
and about how I have kept up the writing, and how I’ll continue to do so. I
told him that his disabled brother, Ronnie, would be O.K., and that in no time,
Ronnie would be getting speeding tickets for running his motorized wheelchair
up and down the nursing home hallways too fast.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Marvin raised one eyebrow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I knew he heard me. So I continued.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I told him that I’d recently gone out to
his house on the outskirts of Llano to check on things, and that though the
yard was overgrown, everything looked just fine.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Marvin took a deep breath.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">He owned several properties before going
into the nursing home but had to sell them off one by one to pay for his care.
The nursing home wanted him to sell this homestead too, but he insisted on
keeping it in case he got better and could go home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Everyone knew he wouldn’t return. HE knew
he wouldn’t return. But, by golly, he was a stubborn man who wasn’t going to
let go of his home because someone said he should. Marvin fought them every
step of the way, and in the end, Medicare officials allowed him to keep it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“You can go back home now whenever you’re
ready. It’ll just be in a different realm,” I said. “And, by the way, nice job!
They never took that place from you!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">He raised both eyebrows—twice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">For hours, I held his hand and talked about
all my childhood memories of him. I thanked him again for his service in
Vietnam. And I thanked him for taking care of Ronnie for the past 40 years.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">He raised an eyebrow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I continued to talk, and though I knew
Marvin was already halfway in another realm, I
sensed that he could hear me perfectly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">He died a few hours after I left his side.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Now,
about last night<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I have a routine when I rock babies at the
NICU. After scrubbing up, I head to the nearest bay to see who needs
comforting. There are seven bays, and the lower the bay number, the sicker the
babies. Bay 5 is the nearest bay to the entryway, so I usually pop in there first.
But not last night.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Last night I intuitively changed my
routine and headed first to Bay 1.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">It’s less common to rock babies in that
bay. Most are too sick to be held. Many have a lot of wires and tubes attached
to their tiny bodies, and they’re just trying to survive. But I go there anyway
to talk to them, hold their tiny hands, hum, and sing off key.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">In a room off to the side of the bay, I
came up to a little girl who I’d seen many times before, but who was always off
limits. A sign posted in the entryway said to be quiet and ask the nurse before
touching her. She was very sick and needed her rest.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Last night I walked over to her bedside to
see how she was doing and to greet her primary care nurse. The poor little girl
was upset because the nurse had just run some assessments. But you didn’t hear
her cry. She couldn’t cry; she had a </span><span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">trach tube in her neck. The tube helped her breathe, but she was frustrated.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">So I put on the required purple latex gloves and held her hand. At first
she didn’t want it and pushed my palm away. (My ving tsun kung fu sifu would be
impressed at her pak sau.) So I asked her if I could just sit and talk, and I just held my hand out in case she changed her mind. She
seemed to settle.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“I’m Cathy,” I said. “I’ll be your guide tonight.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">She curled the fingers of one hand around my forefinger.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">And so I talked: I told her about my four dogs—two with three legs—and my predatory
cat. I told her about the hospital and how it was a really safe place for her,
and that she could relax and rest here.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“You’ve got the best nurse ever and she’d going to take good care of you.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">She was listening.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“She really likes <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you</i>,” the nurse
said.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“How can you tell?” I asked.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Her oxygen levels are higher when you talk to her,” she said, pointing to
the monitor. “Her heart rate is always pretty low, but it’s great now.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Well, I’ll just keep talking then,” I said, turning toward the little girl.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">She was dressed in a cute pink elephant onesie. She had a clean diaper and
clean bedding. She was warm and safe. Yet she was irritable. Frustrated. Powerless.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Just like Uncle Marvin.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">So I told her about him, then suddenly realized that I was sitting by his side exactly a week ago—to the
hour.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“If you see a big guy, and he says he knows me, that’s my uncle. Don’t be
afraid. He’s here to help you. He’ll watch over you to make sure you’re O.K.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">She raised an eyebrow.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">In shock and exhilaration, I continued: “He knows exactly how you feel! It’s
so hard to feel like you can’t breathe. He understands.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">She squirmed in a frustrated attempt to say something, her one free hand
flying in the air like a bull rider in a rodeo. But she couldn’t make a
sound.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">So she squirmed some more, moving her eyebrows, ears, and forehead. She was
talking to me via facial expressions—so fast that I couldn’t keep up with the
conversation.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“I’m listening,” I said. “Tell me all about it.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Though I didn’t understand what she was saying, I wanted her to feel heard.
I wanted her to know someone cared and that someone was listening.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">This little girl was a joy to watch. She had a fascinating ability to
contract and relax her facial muscles. She was even able to move the skin on
her skull forward and backward.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“How do you even do that?” I asked as I tried to mimic her facial
expressions. All I could muster was a double raised eyebrow. (I stopped when a nurse
walked by, fearing that she might think I was odd.)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">What was that little girl trying to say? I don’t know, but after the flurry
of activity, she calmed a bit, and her eyes began to slowly close and open
until they remained closed and her breathing settled. I stopped talking,
holding her hand until she fell asleep. Ten minutes later, I quietly left the
room.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I walked away feeling so lucky—fortunate
to have sat with my uncle while he was dying and fortunate to sit with this
little girl while she was fighting to live. It seemed the perfect example of
yin and yang, and it made me realize something profound:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span class="st1"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Sometimes you don’t have to necessarily understand everything a person says
for them to feel heard. You just need to listen.</span></span></div>
CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-84453876688386019652017-02-20T07:57:00.002-06:002017-06-22T04:42:51.619-05:00My Social Media Experiment from Hell Contained a Childhood Land Mine<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">My family was mired in the disease of
alcoholism. Everyone had a role:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Daddy
drank every day, embarrassed the family in public on a regular basis, got
arrested for driving while intoxicated several times, and injured people in drunk
driving accidents.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Mamma
yelled, cursed, and blamed—daily.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">My
older sisters? Nancy was a care-taker and Susan was pegged early as the overly
emotional troublemaker. None of those labels were fair.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">And
me? I was the comic relief. The entertainment. The one who tried to make
everyone laugh as a distraction from the drunk elephant in the living room. The
one who wanted everyone to get along and be happy so that there was no more crying
in the house.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Why the heck am I starting out this essay with
a description of family dynamics? On a blog post about a social media
experiment of how differently groups of Americans viewed U.S. President Donald
Trump’s recent press conference? Well, hang in there, because we’re about to go
deep.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<h2 class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Day
One<o:p></o:p></h2>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Day One of the Social Media Experiment
involved an invitation for those who identified as conservative in my Facebook
feed to share what they saw in the press conference. I wanted to know, because what I saw upset me.
Made me lose sleep. Maybe my view was skewed. Maybe not. But I truly wanted to know what others thought. And then I respectfully asked anyone else who wanted to
follow the conversation to comment with a period.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I’ve never seen so many periods in
my life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">It was cool to see <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">who</i> was reading, but it was my experiment. <em><strong>I</strong></em> really wanted to know—uninterrupted
by today’s constant online debating that typically ends in name-calling with no
real result—what folks different from me saw.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Folks
different from me.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">You see, there’s a reason I don’t see
things the way others see them. I’m not them. I figure that there’s a reason we
all have different fingerprints. We’re <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">supposed</i>
to be different.<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">It was indeed an eye-opening experience.
First, many people posted a period, and were silent THE ENTIRE DAY. I’d never
been more proud of my peeps. And, second, the folks who commented did so, I
felt, authentically. Some strayed from the press conference itself to talk
about their perception of the president, but for me that was O.K. because again
it gave me a peek into their view.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">There were nuggets of insights, but the comments
that struck me most were, of course, the personal stories—the ones in which
folks different than me shared something that I could relate to as being
tragic:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">One
woman lost an 11-year friendship over the election. This has caused her so much
pain. (I could relate: I know many people on all sides who have grieved this deep
pain since the election.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Two
neighbors who had Trump signs in their yards took them down immediately after
the election for fear of reprisal. (I could relate. I supported Hillary
Clinton, and was a part of that whole Pantsuit Nation thingy for a
while, but you know what? I never put a Clinton bumper sticker on my car or a
sign in my yard because of fear. I didn’t want strangers giving me shit.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">A
man who had a Trump bumper sticker on his truck came to his vehicle one day to
find the bumper sticker ripped off and “Nazi” etched into the driver’s side
door. (My jaw dropped. I know this man, and yet I had no idea this happened. He
never said anything before now. And I felt so sad.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">One
woman was told that she and her children deserved to be shot by a mass gunman. (I felt horrified. This
one really got to me.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">What I found fascinating and equally
heartbreaking was that if I replaced the political label, I and I'd bet a plethora of folks
from all sides could list off similar tragic incidents.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Throughout the 260-plus comments, there was
only one time in which someone on the post broke the rules of no commenting
from the other side, and it was a drunk college student who didn’t read the
rules before going on the typical “You’re stupid for…” rant. (Now sober, he has
promised me and the others, as an amends, to pump out 50 pushups for each ugly
comment he made. I plan to put it on Facebook Live.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">At the end of the day, I was actually
feeling happy and hopeful. I felt as if it was possible for people of different
walks of life to listen to one another. Harmony of life is important to me, because,
like I said at the beginning, I’m conditioned to want everyone to get along.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Because I HATE CONFLICT.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">And thus, Day Two was hell.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<h2 class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
Day
Two<o:p></o:p></h2>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">On Day Two, I posted a news article from
Wired about how differently folks viewed the press conference. It was as if
Wired read my post the day before and handed me this story on a platter. The
article spoke to the wide chasm of perception and how people could have such
different views on one event. It was fascinating. Exactly what I’d witnessed
since way before the election.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">On Day Two the rules were simple. Anyone
could participate. There was only one disclaimer: Be nice if you comment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Throughout most of the day, the debate was
logical and respectful. Yet I began to feel a rising level of discomfort. I
know now that it felt a lot like when Daddy would come home from work drunk
and Mamma would begin her blood-pressure-rising rant. I wanted everyone to be
nice, and some weren’t. I wanted everyone to be respectful, and some weren’t.
As the day progressed to evening (when maybe alcohol was consumed?), the tone
turned sour and quickly digressed into a merry-go-round of “how could you
possible believe…” and “you must think I’m an idiot” to “if I’m attacked, I
will defend myself.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">My stomach was in knots, just like when I
was a kid. I wanted everyone to stop fighting. I wanted everyone to get along.
All of a sudden, the Social Media Experiment became a rerun of my family’s
nightly drama, and I was miserable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">What’s fascinating is how others saw the
day:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">One
woman thought the debate was pretty good—much nicer than what she’s seen. (And
I thought, “Oh, my God, I guess I don’t know how bad these type of discussions
can get.”)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">One
man wrote that he actually enjoyed the banter. (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Banter</i>. Huh. That’s not how I saw it AT ALL. The least little
disagreement was so hard for me to read.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Another
man wrote, “Cathy, you don’t have nice friends,” and another, in a private
message, wrote that he felt disrespected, and that he was done listening to or
trying to reason with the other side. (I felt that my Facebook friends were a
reflection of me, and that I was coming up short.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Suddenly, I realized that I DID THIS TO
MYSELF. I heard two things:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">My
brother-in-law’s constant question, “Well, what did you expect?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -0.25in;">
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</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">My
ving tsun kung fu sifu’s advice: “Never expect. Never compare.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Dammit, I did it again: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I had an expectation.</i> I expected that all
people could—and should—get along. I expected that somehow I could fix people,
places, and things. That I could make everything better. That I could steer
conversations to a more positive tone and convince all sides to work together.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">How
egotistical, delusional, and controlling of me.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">There I was the next morning, feeling
defeated just like the many mornings as a kid when I realized I hadn’t been
able to stop Daddy from getting drunk the night before and that I couldn’t do
anything to keep my Mamma and sisters from being pissed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">And today, I see that I have a lot of personal
work to do, and how differently others see a press conference should be the least
of my worries.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I have to stop trying to fix people and things.
I have to stop trying to think I can help people find common ground. Some
people don’t want that. Daddy didn’t want my help. Mamma didn’t want it. And
neither do most of the fine folks on social media.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">So to all who participated in the Social
Media Experiment, I offer a humble apology—and a sincere thanks. I didn’t know
that this was all about me all along and that I had a hard lesson to learn. I’m
sorry that I had to drag you into this. If you got something out of it—terrific.
If in the end you felt hopeful—awesome. If your previous beliefs that "people on the other
side are still schmucks" was reaffirmed, well, I guess that’s just the way it is
and will have to be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">As for me, I realize I still have a LOT of
personal work to do—that the insidious family disease of alcoholism is still in my
fucking DNA.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">And that I should get
my butt to an Al-Anon meeting as soon as possible.</span>CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-63852019818818420832016-12-18T13:28:00.002-06:002016-12-18T15:43:12.006-06:00A Dudley Do-over<span data-dobid="hdw"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">A
little over a year ago in the uber sterile operating room of what used to be Animal
Trustees of Austin (ATA), I stood over the anesthesia-limp body of my dog, Dudley
Do-Right. The surgeon had prepped him for an emergency exploratory surgery, but she quickly discovered when she opened him up that a tumor had wrapped itself around Dudley’s colon, and the removal would
mean a painful and uncertain recovery. He was 13 years old.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span data-dobid="hdw"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Mare
and I, right there, made the decision to let him go.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span data-dobid="hdw"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span data-dobid="hdw"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
cried so hard I thought I’d hyperventilate.</span></span><br />
<span data-dobid="hdw"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span></span><br />
<span data-dobid="hdw"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Dudley was our first puppy; I
brought him home at five weeks old from a friend at work. <em>He chose me.</em> As co-workers
passed this little dachshund-Scottish terrier mix puppy from arm to arm, he
shook with nerves. But when he came to me, he nuzzled his little cold wet nose against my neck, immediately stopped shaking, and closed his eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span data-dobid="hdw">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span data-dobid="hdw"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Oh,
he’s yours,” a co-worker said.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span data-dobid="hdw"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span></span><br />
<span data-dobid="hdw"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
decided to take him home for a trial run, warning Mare in a voicemail that I’d
made an executive decision on behalf of our family. She came home to find this
little bitty puppy in a huge box. Mare looked down into the big box to see two
sad brown eyes staring back at her.</span></span><br />
<span data-dobid="hdw"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span data-dobid="hdw"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv5DDagKjBS1p7SnIeWrxGZbVbLpjhcZEKUqgpoa2hkT9lwO38gCqQao8c7JMVPK27k-DzZJn6bvmTmqM1WCD3RJlIeQ_HwAW4bC2bq27DI4SeDEzfi36M2WhXXkbqDAHl2SUMrTd_Wmo/s1600/PuppyDudley.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjv5DDagKjBS1p7SnIeWrxGZbVbLpjhcZEKUqgpoa2hkT9lwO38gCqQao8c7JMVPK27k-DzZJn6bvmTmqM1WCD3RJlIeQ_HwAW4bC2bq27DI4SeDEzfi36M2WhXXkbqDAHl2SUMrTd_Wmo/s320/PuppyDudley.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span data-dobid="hdw">
</span><span data-dobid="hdw"><strong>Dudley as a puppy.</strong></span><span data-dobid="hdw"> </span></div>
<span data-dobid="hdw">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span data-dobid="hdw"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Damn," Mare said. "He’s cute.”</span></span></div>
<span data-dobid="hdw">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span data-dobid="hdw"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">And
just like that, he became part of our family. I repeated often, “You’re my baby
boy. You’ll always be my baby boy.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span data-dobid="hdw">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span data-dobid="hdw"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Dudley
“Do-Right, Except When He Don’t” went on many Central Texas camping trips, a
road and hiking trip to North Carolina, countless visits to dog parks, and thousands
of walks in the neighborhood. He wasn’t an on-your-lap dog. He preferred to lay his head on your lap. And he didn't like to be held much, unless he was riding in the
car or very tired. There was a special way he liked me to hold him when we were seated
together—whenever he was in my arms.</span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span data-dobid="hdw"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSQ4iJ7nXBnZXS7XvKQdBpx8ye66QS495d7zr-wiM_OwM0OLrUwqqCqAN-IHTrNEWeQt_vBgTpw0JPX2wI4GRTX0r12Rye7Q9VcNb6dr1EPKqET6p1ajk4fYln9cEqLjNxKaQqzXRs8fM/s1600/SleepyDudley.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSQ4iJ7nXBnZXS7XvKQdBpx8ye66QS495d7zr-wiM_OwM0OLrUwqqCqAN-IHTrNEWeQt_vBgTpw0JPX2wI4GRTX0r12Rye7Q9VcNb6dr1EPKqET6p1ajk4fYln9cEqLjNxKaQqzXRs8fM/s320/SleepyDudley.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<div align="center">
<span data-dobid="hdw"><strong>Sleepy Dudley.</strong></span></div>
<span data-dobid="hdw"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span></span><br />
<span data-dobid="hdw"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">But mostly, he was a next-to-you dog. As long as he had a part of his
body against ours, Dudley was happy.</span></span><br />
<span data-dobid="hdw"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span></span><br />
<span data-dobid="hdw"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">He was also at times a grouchy, odd boy. He’d grumble and moan like an old
man so often that I began calling him my “My Old Man.” He aged gracefully and
faithfully, and he rarely complained unless there was a thunderstorm. He shivered hours before we heard the first rumble. We bought thundershirts and gave him anti-anxiety meds during spring rains, but mostly, we just had to ride out the storm with him and get through it the best we could.</span></span></div>
<span data-dobid="hdw">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span data-dobid="hdw"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">When
Dudley started having diarrhea issues in the fall, we took him to the vet, who
suggested we try foods that would help him have healthy poops. Instead, he
became constipated. One night he was in obvious discomfort, and Mare and I
tag-teamed staying up to try to comfort him until the vet office opened. I remember
feeling hopeful every time he went out the doggie door that night, hoping that
he would poop. He never did. Instead, he dug a hole by one of the autumn sage
shrubs and laid down in the cool dirt.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span data-dobid="hdw">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span data-dobid="hdw"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">It's like he’s digging his own grave</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">, I thought. But I
pushed it out of my mind.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span data-dobid="hdw">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span data-dobid="hdw"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">A
few hours later, we learned that he, in fact, knew that he was dying.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span data-dobid="hdw">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span data-dobid="hdw"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
wasn’t ready to let go of my Old Man and Baby Boy. I cried so hard for days, and
then I shut down. Feeling the sadness was unbearable, so I didn’t. I knew that no
matter how many dogs Mare and I fostered, I’d never have another dog like
Dudley.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span data-dobid="hdw">
</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span data-dobid="hdw"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Enter Tucker Trucker<o:p></o:p></span></b></span></div>
<span data-dobid="hdw">
</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span data-dobid="hdw"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Though
Mare no longer worked at ATA, she maintained contact with her canine rescue
friends, and one day, Suzy Swingle reached out for someone to take in a
13-year-old dachshund-mix. “Tucker” was being surrendered informally by a woman
struggling with multiple life-altering issues. She had to move in with family,
but Tucker couldn’t come with her. Instead of sending Tucker to a rescue, where an old
dog could very well sit for a long time in a cage, Suzy decided to pitch him to
her friends on social media.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span data-dobid="hdw"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span data-dobid="hdw"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Mare
nudged me one night, pointing to her phone. She showed me a blurry picture of a
portly old dog in front of a food bowl and said, “Wanna?”</span></span></div>
<span data-dobid="hdw">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span data-dobid="hdw"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></span></span><br /></div>
<span data-dobid="hdw">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8venj3EW5gHx6eLVWkR8tMOygi_en532AWlJQJuyIp0Rd5iLJjxOTUBSc6Rm2tiKLH1uj4Q9BaOHLKjXm7hiX95Y8DQSlseLba8WSI4BIT3wouDap3ZVGy5bCeiIXnv5k3UcSkb9PKCg/s1600/TuckerFirstPic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8venj3EW5gHx6eLVWkR8tMOygi_en532AWlJQJuyIp0Rd5iLJjxOTUBSc6Rm2tiKLH1uj4Q9BaOHLKjXm7hiX95Y8DQSlseLba8WSI4BIT3wouDap3ZVGy5bCeiIXnv5k3UcSkb9PKCg/s320/TuckerFirstPic.jpg" width="310" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span> <strong>Twenty-pound Tucker.</strong></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Sure,”
I said, without feeling. “Why not?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Suzy
brought Tucker over the next day. She carried him from her car to our backyard and warned us
that he didn’t like to be picked up—that he seemed to be in pain but she wasn’t
sure why.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">His former owner had him since he was a puppy, and we all thought it
would take time for him to adjust to our home and pack.</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><em>Nope.<o:p></o:p></em></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">He
trotted around our backyard, said hello to our cat, and ignored our three dogs. His first time on our
couch, he rolled on his back and growled in ecstasy. It was a pretty uneventful
meet and greet, so Tucker stayed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">We
started to call him Tucker Trucker because of his hefty frame (we likened him to
a keg with legs), but after a while the name faded because we began feeding him
quality, carefully measured food (no more table scraps for you, buddy!) and Mare took him for daily
walks with our pack. He didn’t have his own collar, so Mare grabbed Dudley’s
old collar that sat on his box of ashes on the living room bookshelf.</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Tucker
bore the white eyes of an old dog, a sweet spirit, a misshapen head, and a swollen mouth. He
seemed to like his new pack, but he didn’t like to be touched near the mouth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mare eventually took a peek at his teeth, and
she discovered why he was in so much pain: His teeth were caked with plaque; many
were obviously rotten. Tucker’s breath was indeed atrocious. If he gave you a
lick, a stinky bacterial scent stayed on your face. You had to wash it off with
soap and water.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOQKDMdLLAV7ChF4u5uQJaBt_v2a1IRTcDExY32DQ1Omed5l-Tjh5FpiourqCr3i56D1ckNOFTzrcRMTyPFzbW4cmMoYUrdFQaE8xOQbjLWnJdDoc61c9jsi-1sEDh9tCouiVkm1_sVPQ/s1600/20160924_184832.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOQKDMdLLAV7ChF4u5uQJaBt_v2a1IRTcDExY32DQ1Omed5l-Tjh5FpiourqCr3i56D1ckNOFTzrcRMTyPFzbW4cmMoYUrdFQaE8xOQbjLWnJdDoc61c9jsi-1sEDh9tCouiVkm1_sVPQ/s320/20160924_184832.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<strong>Tucker's mouth was pretty swollen</strong>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">A
trip to our veterinarian confirmed Mare’s suspicion: Multiple teeth needed to
be extracted. It would cost an estimated $1,300. That’s a hefty cost for a
dog we were only fostering, so we asked for GoFundMe help, and our loving
friends generously pitched in. (It ended up costing about $1,600.)</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
remember the day I took Tucker to the vet’s office for his dental surgery: His breath was so strong, I repeatedly gagged. I had to
roll the car windows all the way down because his breath stunk up my vehicle.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">And
at the end of the day, Tucker groggily waddled out to me in the waiting room of the vet's office—less 15 teeth. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">He had only one incisor left up front and two small teeth
in the back. He gummed me with affectionate, “thank you” love while the vet
explained the surgery and aftercare regimen. I stared into his old, whitened
eyes, and I knew we’d be keeping him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Little
by slowly, Tucker began to remind me more and more of Dudley.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Once
Tucker understood that he was welcome on the couch without invitation, he’d
climb up and lay his rump right next to my thigh—just like Dudley.</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">At
night, he’d crawl under the bed covers and rest his head on my thigh—just like
Dudley.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS_DHWhaM0SyywuSyaxOW55C4NawwMLJeeF9IssOyXXxzBT2HEshmJEMjcKbvSlTB9c-zV16vXW6pCURE5FWhF0Kj86dI93_J2SOPImLoxhbCR7SGFsHinEGN94fpF9m4B8Ko4VajHKkk/s1600/LapTucker.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS_DHWhaM0SyywuSyaxOW55C4NawwMLJeeF9IssOyXXxzBT2HEshmJEMjcKbvSlTB9c-zV16vXW6pCURE5FWhF0Kj86dI93_J2SOPImLoxhbCR7SGFsHinEGN94fpF9m4B8Ko4VajHKkk/s320/LapTucker.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<strong>Tucker likes to rest his head on me, just like Dudley.</strong></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Soon, Tucker
started walking around the house, grumping and moaning like an old man—just like Dudley.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Sometimes he
trotted through the house with a purpose—just like Dudley.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">He'd bark annoyingly from our living room window at passersby—just like Dudley.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Was
it because he was wearing Dudley’s collar? Or was it because my Old Man was
spiritually saying hello? I don’t know.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">All
I do know is that today, on a cold Texas day, Tucker is moping around the
house, going to Mare at her easel, then to me at my word processor, then back
to Mare, wondering when one of us will sit down on the couch and watch football
so that he can cuddle with his pack—just like Dudley.</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">So
on the week before Christmas, though no dog will ever replace Dudley, I feel
like I got the best holiday gift from my beloved friend: A Dudley do-over.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Thanks,
Old Man. Merry Christmas to you, too.</span></div>
</span><br />CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-23310258209857111942016-10-12T12:15:00.002-05:002016-10-13T16:13:02.769-05:00Kickin’ It at Cowboys Stadium<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixocGtDbPKBTehAcUUiPQC54nbd_LF01vlsvsGqlPoEiePsHjMZeLNy_ueSd-B0TV0r-TmONHqgA-z3WIBMRxtDaWMbcxHBcumFsggkBzUd9VHMy5PcNleSihnW26WcPdc88OUZSPTUuI/s1600/CowboysStadiumCore.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="140" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixocGtDbPKBTehAcUUiPQC54nbd_LF01vlsvsGqlPoEiePsHjMZeLNy_ueSd-B0TV0r-TmONHqgA-z3WIBMRxtDaWMbcxHBcumFsggkBzUd9VHMy5PcNleSihnW26WcPdc88OUZSPTUuI/s400/CowboysStadiumCore.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">DALLAS—Dressed
in shorts and T-shirts, about 120 Taekwondo students from all over the
United States lined up in the red zone of the same football field where Dallas
Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott regularly throws touchdown passes against
opponents. The students’ faces showed a mixture of excitement and nervous
apprehension. While the stadium’s massive, 160 foot wide by 72 foot tall jumbotron
above showed clips of past Cowboys games, the Taekwondo students bowed to their
coaches and began a slow but increasingly aerobic warm-up. Within minutes,
sweat rolled from foreheads to cheekbones and dripped from chins onto the
artificial turf below. They progressed to agility drills, where 1988 Seoul Olympics
gold medalist and coach Arlene Limas reminded them to have “fast feet.”</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">The
students at the inaugural three-day sport Taekwondo seminar in Dallas came with
different goals. Most athletes were there because they dream of standing on the
podium at the Olympics wearing a gold medal. Some just wanted to test their
endurance and build fortitude. Others, very young, were there because their
coaches saw something extraordinary in their already swift-yet-smooth footwork.
Regardless of the reason, the athletes all knew that they’d work hard this
weekend.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">D.S.
Lee, USA Taekwondo (USAT) Juniors Team coach, organized the Cowboys Stadium
Sport Taekwondo Seminar, pulling together 20 coaching colleagues from Virginia,
Florida, Illinois, and all over Texas. Lee envisioned a gathering in which
coaches could leave their egos on the sidelines and collaborate to build a
stronger Team USA for the 2020 Tokyo Olympic Games.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">“</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">The reason why I hosted this event was for the athletes—to
give them a training environment that will produce greatness,” Lee said. The
event was also meant to “get the coaches to be open to training together with
athletes so we can all raise the levels.”</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">The
coaches didn’t disappoint, raising the figurative bar as high as the field goal
post overhead in the end zone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">“Keep
moving,” Limas, shouted at the students during agility drills. “Good! Very
good,” she added encouragingly when athletes pushed themselves.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">After
the spirited warmup, participants separated into three pods for more
personalized coaching. Limas led a group of older students through a series of
drills to quicken reaction time, improve the ability to process verbal and
visual information, and recognize distance—all in real time.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"></span><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><span style="font-size: x-small;">Athletes test their ability to process visual information in real time.</span></strong></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">In
other pods, younger students worked on balance-challenging front leg kicking
drills—keeping their lead leg high in the air and thrusting it forward by
pushing off with their base foot. Smiles emerged periodically from members of the
group. Sweat continued to drip. T-shirts were well-drenched. These drills may
have looked simple and fun to the casual observer, but they were deceivingly
challenging.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Two
hours later, the students bowed to their instructors, took commemorative
photos, and left for a hotel shower, good meal, and an early bedtime. The next
day’s training was moved up by two hours; they needed a good night’s rest.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<h2 class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
Day Two: Twelve Hours of Taekwondo<o:p></o:p></h2>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Professor
Victor Manuel Mendoza Guzman, a sports psychologist with the Mexican Taekwondo Federation,
stood before a sea of athletes Saturday morning at Blue Sky Sports Complex in
The Colony, careful to pause his message so that USAT Senior National Team
Coach Lynda Laurin could translate his message into English. It was important
to get the details right. Guzman, a leading authority in sports science, has
had repeated success coaching athletes on Mexico’s national team, so Lee wanted
him to share his experience with the athletes.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><span style="font-size: x-small;">Victor Manuel Mendoza Guzman helps an athlete stretch.</span></strong></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Guzman’s
work isn’t solely Taekwondo-based. He works with athletes of all sports,
evaluating how they move and helping them improve by increasing efficient
motion.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">“I
work on the entire development of an athlete,” he tells the students, “from the
development at age nine to world champion—to Olympic champion.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Guzman
began his statistical presentation by humbling the athletes, who just two hours
earlier were tested in a series of agility speed drills. He asked for a show of
hands of those who considered themselves fast. Half the athletes raised their
hands. Then Guzman wrote down a number on a whiteboard.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">“Did
anyone have this?” he asked, pointing to a time of 3.9.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">No
hands.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">“Or
a 4?” he continued.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">One
athlete toward the back of the room lifted his hand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">As
it turns out, most athletes at first aren't fast—not as fast as they <em>can</em>
be. Guzman said it’s usually because there’s a part of their body that impedes
efficient movement. That’s where sports science comes in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Guzman
and his team specialize in evaluating athletes, finding their deficits, and
then prescribing exercises to do everything from loosen tight muscles to build
lactic acid endurance. Only then can an athlete truly make gains in
performance, he said.</span><br />
<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><span style="font-size: x-small;">Guzman helps an athlete with resistant exercises to improve flexibility.</span></strong></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">The
students, previously seated on the floor in a semicircle, inched closer to the
center of the room to get a closer look as Guzman performed resistance
stretching exercises on an athlete to increase his flexibility. Within minutes,
the athlete said with a smile that his hamstrings weren’t as tight and that his
legs now felt supple.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Smart
training involves specific levels of development over time, according to
Guzman.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">“Sometimes
we think, ‘I’m going to do it the way I want,’” Guzman said. “But you have to
do it a very specific way. It’s called goal setting.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Before
the students broke for lunch, Laurin gave the world-class athletes in the room a
chance to share their experience with the younger, up-and-coming competitors.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Salma
Castellanos, USAT Senior National Team member from Laredo, Texas, encouraged
seminar participants to keep working hard.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">“Even
though it’s hard, I keep going and good things happen,” Castellanos said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Fellow
USAT Senior National Team member Ara White of Largo, Fla., agreed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">“You
can never give up,” she said. White revealed that she lost a lot of matches
earlier in her career. “Every single time, I got third place, third place,
third place, third place. Then I started to win. I started to get first place.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">“So
you can never give up.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">After
lunch, participants were back on the mat for another conditioning session. Many
of the older athletes had taken seminars like this before—multiple two-hour
training sessions a day, each one building on the next technique- and
stamina-wise. So they encouraged younger students with smiles and high-fives.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">The
coaches rotated leading footwork drills to help the athletes move more
efficiently. Periodically, Limas would stop a group to make technique
adjustments.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">“It’s
muscle memory,” she said after stopping the participants during a sparring
strategy partner drill. “It’s teaching your muscles good habits or bad habits.
Put good habits into your training—quality stuff.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">The
athletes continued the drill with a little more passion, their previously tired
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">kihaps</i> a little louder.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Two
hours later, the coaches slowed down the pace by leading athletes in a series
of stretches. The already quiet training area grew more still when a tall young
man walked to the front of the room. Some of the younger students lifted out of
their stretch a bit to find their parents in the bleachers and point to the
man.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">“It’s
him!” one boy excitedly mouthed to his mom in the stands.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Dressed
in black and smiling easily, Carlos Navarro stopped at the front of the room
and surveyed the crowd of athletes, now thoroughly tired. Navarro, who
represented Mexico in the 2016 Olympic Games in Rio de Janeiro, is a fan
favorite of many Taekwondo students in Texas.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;"><o:p><strong>Rio Olympian Carlos Navarro and coach Greg Tubbs.</strong></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Navarro offered thanks to his fans for supporting his Olympic journey. To those with Olympic dreams, he advised that they keep training hard.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">“It’s in the training that we actually win gold,” Navarro said.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">After
a short break, another session began—with more conditioning drills. Participants
donned sparring gear and trades kicks. Before long, the last sparring session
for the day was over, and a select group moved into a smaller room to perfect poomsae
technique with an expert.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">
</span><br />
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</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Elva
Pai Adams, bronze medalist in the 1988 Olympics in Seoul, South Korea, doesn’t
spar anymore since tearing a ligament in her knee. These days, she’s drawn to
the more precise movements of sport poomsae.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Adams,
a member of the USAT National Poomsae Team and an international referee, is well known for providing
detail-oriented poomsae corrections—foot placement down to the inch and knifehand blocks at the precise angle.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">She
spent most of the time late Saturday demonstrating and correcting stances,
basic punches, and proper presets to primary blocks. Adams encouraged students
to progress smoothly throughout their forms, resisting the urge to rise up and
down.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">“Don’t
bob,” she said, showing students how to maintain their stance between moves.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"></span><br />
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</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><span style="font-size: x-small;">Elva Pai Adams leads a group of students through Taeguek basics.</span></strong></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">She detailed
the most current standards of poomsae, reminding athletes that sport poomsae judges
take off big points for mindless mistakes like not tucking the fists when
kicking.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">While
the pace of the seminar day’s final session was much slower, the precision was
more demanding. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">“It’s
one movement,” Adams said, showing how to properly return to a ready stance. “Don’t
give away easy points.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<h2 class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
Day Three: Mock Tournament Matches<o:p></o:p></h2>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">As
athletes tried to shake off fatigue and stretch out sore muscles from the prior
day’s 12-hour training session, coaches gathered to assign ring duties. On the
final day of the seminar, athletes sparred one another in practice matches,
applying the drills and skills learned and developed the two previous days.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRNTAarni5ErFZbwYmSoFx20UX6INDnO7WQe0mEIsooYnd4hhcvv8jNiuUoAn7qzypLFu9d9gJ1oK-AOwXi4P8FsotwrkqqM56caE_ZgR3hj6y5V7bxHCCfevNfhh7z9kLES_bCtGBl18/s1600/Limas_CoachChair.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="322" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRNTAarni5ErFZbwYmSoFx20UX6INDnO7WQe0mEIsooYnd4hhcvv8jNiuUoAn7qzypLFu9d9gJ1oK-AOwXi4P8FsotwrkqqM56caE_ZgR3hj6y5V7bxHCCfevNfhh7z9kLES_bCtGBl18/s400/Limas_CoachChair.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;"><o:p><strong>Arlene Limas readies to coach one of her students in a mock tournament match</strong></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;"><o:p><strong>while Brian Singer acts as head referee.</strong></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Athletes
were encouraged to take risks—to try new techniques.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">“We
already know you can score with fast kick,” a coach told an athlete between rounds. “Now
we want to try some other things. To get better.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">The
athlete nodded and smiled.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Parents
sat in the stands as the matches progressed. The majority had watched every minute of the
seminar training from the bleachers, and many said they were happy with how the
weekend went. Most confirmed that they would return next year if the seminar were held
again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Jody
Miner of Florida said her family was determined to make it to Dallas because of the caliber of coaches present.
They almost didn’t arrive in time, though. Their original flight out of Orlando
was canceled due to Hurricane Matthew’s approach. So the family switched
tickets, drove to Tampa, and caught one of the last flights out. Other families
from their school weren’t so lucky.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">“We’ve
been to others (seminars) before,” Miner said. “The level of coaching (here) is
unbelievable. It’s well-rounded. My kids are getting the same focus at 10 and 11
that the juniors and seniors are getting.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Lee
said the across-the-board treatment was intentional. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">He and his colleagues want to help grow Taekwondo in the
future by offering athletes exposure to more innovative coaches, sports
science, and high-level athletic training—“so we can all learn and grow.”</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span class="5yl5"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">“I’m
passionate about the sport and I know there are other coaches and athletes who
share the same passion,” Lee said. “By coming together we all benefit.”</span></span></div>
CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-54724291680678995662016-09-15T07:06:00.004-05:002016-09-21T08:12:27.845-05:00The Impact of Others—and 'Muskrat Love'<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">It
was another bittersweet night in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) at the
hospital where I volunteer each week. The night started out with the usual
finger-to-elbow soap scrub and antibiotic sanitization, the check-in at the
nurse’s station, and then the search for the perfect baby to rock. The night
ended with a profound need to acknowledge the impact others have had on my life
and the lives of others.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">In the
first NICU bay, at the first bed, was a squirmy little one who needed cuddling.
I didn’t hesitate.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I don’t
know if all baby rockers have elaborate conversations with the infants they
hold, but I do. This baby had obviously been on this journey before. His
squirms were an impatient sign that he was ready to get this life stuff going.
He had things to do! People to meet! Art to create!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Yes,
while holding him, I intuitively knew that he would grow up to be an artist.
And that he would have something inspiring and powerful to offer the world—art that
would change lives. I felt honored to hold him, and soon his impatience waned
and he fell asleep. I rocked him for about 90 minutes before his nurse took him
for feeding. I told the nurse that I was headed next to see my Ninja Warrior,
the baby who’d been struggling for months in another bay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">She
shook her head “no,” and her lip curved downward.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“About
an hour ago,” was all she said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">My
heart sank.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
dragged my Sketchers through the long hallway, wondering if the baby and his
parents were still in the bay. They weren’t. In fact, the corner of the bay where
the Ninja Warrior had fought so hard for so long—once filled with cards and
prayers of encouragement—was already cleaned out, sterilized, and ready for
another infant. And yet, the little one’s spirit still seemed to be there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Boy, what a fighter!</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"> I thought. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You did good, buddy. You did good. Rest now.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I started
to imagine the pain his parents must be feeling—and I started to feel a
debilitating sadness myself—when out of a small isolation room erupted the most
thunderous cry I’d ever heard.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Oh,
you want to rock her?” asked an overwhelmed nurse with big eyes. “She’s all
yours.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Determined
to comfort this baby as best I could, I returned to Expert Baby Rocker mode. I
reached into the bed and gently lifted the infant into my arms. She was wrapped
as tight as a bean burrito, and she tooted like she’d just eaten one too! Maybe
she had gas. Maybe that was the reason that she was so irritable. NICU nurses have a name for grumpy
babies like this: “hangry”—hungry and angry. These are the babies who,
because of certain circumstances, get a hard start in life, and they’re quite unhappy
about it. But this little girl was different. She wasn't </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">hungry. Her </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">diaper was dry. And yet she was inconsolable,
and she proclaimed her displeasure loud and long. Repeatedly. This little girl had a feisty spirit and some lungs!</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">When
you rock in the NICU long enough, you quickly realize that all babies are
different, and that what works to comfort one doesn’t come close to easing the
anxiety of another. However, all babies have a sweet spot—a position, a song or
a combination of things that allows them to relax and settle into rest. This
little girl was testing that reality.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
held her horizontally, her head cradled in the bend of my elbow. She cried.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
switched to the other side. She cried.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
held her up closer to my chest, and for a minute, she was silent. And then she
cried.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
held her up on my left shoulder so that she could see everyone and everything
better, and for a minute she was silent again. Then she cried. I switched to
the right shoulder. She cried.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
rocked her, bounced her, patted her on the back and then patted her on the
rump. She still cried.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
played musical chairs with this little one, trying to find her sweet spot. Nothing
was working. And that’s when I remembered my kung fu training:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><em>Never expect.
Never compare.</em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I began to relax when it occurred to me that I'd </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">expected</i>
her to calm down and stop crying.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Taking
several deep breaths, I began accepting that it was O.K. that she was crying—that
maybe that’s just what she needed to do. My job wasn’t to keep her from crying.
It was to hold her. So I started to pat her on the rump while singing Captain
& Tennille songs. She began to settle a little with a slow version of “Love
Will Keep Us Together,” but I guess in another life she knew that Daryl Dragon
and Toni Tennille got divorced, so she began to cry again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Next
I softly sang “Muskrat Love.” Now I’m not the best singer (I only sound good in
the shower), but there was something about the melody of this song that made
her close her eyes for a long second. Then a longer second. Then a minute. And
then minutes. I watched as her face relaxed and her breathing changed pace. The
monitor’s long white vertical lines clumped together, indicating my suspicion:
She had fallen asleep.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
kept humming “Muskrat Love” a while longer, and as I hummed, I wondered if
Willis Alan Ramsey, the guy who wrote the song, and Toni Tennille, the singer
who helped make the song a hit, ever thought that something they created would
be used in such a kind, loving, and powerful way—that it would be a tool to
comfort a little baby who came into the world with difficulties and who just
needed a little help to heal. I wondered if any of us realize how who we are
and what we create affects others.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Soon,
the little girl’s mom came into the room, and I handed her over. She
remained calm and comfortable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">As I
left the bay, I passed the empty corner where the Ninja Warrior fought his last
battle, and I said a prayer for all those who would come after him—that they’d
have an easier time. That they’d have first birthdays, second birthdays,
kindergarten, first dates, college, and babies of their own. And I promised to
tell others when they’ve had a positive impact on me—that I’d take a moment out
of my day to say to people like Sifu that even though I’m a scattered brain
kung fu student who has been missing a lot of class lately, I’m never not
on the kung fu floor mentally. I take the art and his lessons with me every day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">So
to honor the life of the Ninja Warrior, I challenge you today to reach out to
someone and tell them how they’ve impacted your life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">This
journey is way too short to not realize how special each of us is to one
another.</span></div>
CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-83743610538119567782016-09-01T07:00:00.002-05:002016-09-01T07:16:30.516-05:00A Life in Three Minutes<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">What
do you do when you hear a NICU nurse say that the baby you’re about to rock “is
incompatible with life”? Just what do you do?</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
volunteer once a week in the neonatal intensive care unit of a hospital in
Austin. I started volunteering in December because of the things I was learning
about myself via kung fu: I love babies. (You learn a lot about yourself when
you stand still enough and perform purposeful movement of a form called Siu Nim
Tao.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">But I
knew going in that there are things that come with the territory of a NICU
unit, and rocking babies who won’t survive is one of them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">So
what do you do? What do you say? You give them a life in three minutes:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">You
say, “Happy birthday! Happy Thanksgiving! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">You
recite the Pledge of Allegiance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">You
sing. You sing the ABCs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">You
tell them that they were born in a place called the United States of America, and though it's not perfect, it's home. And then you sing “America the Beautiful”:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">O beautiful for spacious skies,<br />
For amber waves of grain,<br />
For purple mountain majesties<br />
Above the fruited plain!<br />
America! America! God shed His grace on thee,<br />
And crown thy good with brotherhood<br />
From sea to shining sea!</span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">You
hum the tune of every holiday song you can remember, even the ones you've always found annoying.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">You say silly things like, “And the Oscar goes to…you!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">And
then you sense a tear rolling down your cheek because you realize how hard it’s
got to be to be that baby—and the parents. So full of hope and excitement. A
life ending before it got a chance to start.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Too
soon, the nurse says she needs to get a few stats, so you hand over the Little
One for the first and last time, and whisper into the left ear, “Thanks for
coming to visit us. Come back again when you can. And stay longer next time.”</span></div>
CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-73307488165423785232016-08-15T08:04:00.002-05:002016-08-16T14:53:11.391-05:00That Time I Took a Casino Bus Trip from Hell<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">My
mom loved to gamble. Her answer to my nightly alcoholic dad passed out in his
easy chair was to drag me to smoky, crowded bingo halls. By God, she loved the
adrenaline rush of winning—even though she lost far too often in my high school
honors math opinion.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Mamma’s
love of gambling started with bingo and, after a divorce and remarriage, she graduated
to casinos. She’d spend hours at a variety of penny slots, hoping for a big
jackpot that never came. But she absolutely loved it, and after she died, my
sisters and I went to a casino on the shores of Lake Charles, La., and
scattered her ashes in the water. Because that’s where she was the happiest.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">My
mom died in August four years ago, so my sister Susan and I decided to honor
her memory by taking an overnight tour bus trip to the Lucky Eagle Casino and Hotel in
Eagle Pass. My sister found the tour bus company via the casino website, so I
never questioned its reputability.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">We
rolled out of a Walmart parking lot a little after 8 a.m. Thursday in San
Antonio, and it was an uneventful start. All the passengers were in good spirits.
It reminded me of the time Mamma and I took a bus trip to a casino in
Marksville, La. (Riders going TO the casino are always excited. Coming back,
their pockets a lot lighter, they aren’t so happy.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">As
the bus rolled on, I noticed something out of the corner of my eyes in the
front side bus window. Something green was sliding back and forth in a wave. It
was water. Green water. At the bottom of a double pane window sloshed green moss. (Gut sign #1 that this bus was not in good shape.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Two-and-a-half
hours later, we pulled onto the Kickapoo reservation, rolled down a long road out
in the middle of nowhere, and like an oasis, the casino appeared. We all got
off, my sister and I stashed our backpacks with the hotel concierge, and we agreed
to meet up at 3 p.m. for our hotel check-in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">All
was going well. I even won $20 right off the bat, and to me, a $20 win is a big deal
because I’m not a gambler. I’m far too risk averse. I’m cheap and impatient. If
a slot doesn’t hit in three tries, it’s like baseball: You’re out! So I spent
the better part of the afternoon roaming around the casino tossing in a bet
here and there at games that had significance: A goldfish game (fish are my
spiritual symbols), a dachshund game for my dachshund mix Frederick, and a game
for Paris in remembrance of a great trip years ago that Mare and I took to
France.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOM11T1WtSJd1Ed6U5tP12z93uizXiVWx-vYMcW5kIrAzZJfEAQa9rA4ZB8T1i8Ts607fAiuvPPqOuuPziVXsCE3-xyqvcP4gYMe_SJGyPr_jKJAfzJZntUmAlMCQljSA_wZ_lOmzBo_c/s1600/DachshundDash.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOM11T1WtSJd1Ed6U5tP12z93uizXiVWx-vYMcW5kIrAzZJfEAQa9rA4ZB8T1i8Ts607fAiuvPPqOuuPziVXsCE3-xyqvcP4gYMe_SJGyPr_jKJAfzJZntUmAlMCQljSA_wZ_lOmzBo_c/s320/DachshundDash.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I looked for my mom's favorite game, Wild Cherries. but I guess it had been replaced with some other new, loud, and visually frenetic alternative.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">My
sister and I checked into the hotel room, which was very clean and comfy, gamed
a little more, lost a little more money, met for dinner, and while she lost a little
more money, I went up to the room to watch the Olympics on television. We went
to bed early, and repeated the day on Friday until it was time to board the bus
at 5 p.m. Susan and I had a great time, and we thought Mamma would have loved this bus trip. We were both tired now, though, and looked forward to
napping on the bus.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><strong>The Return Trip from Hell</strong></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">We
boarded late because the driver had to make an emergency phone call. (Sign #2.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Hope everything’s O.K.</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">, I thought. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It would suck to be out in the middle of
nowhere with a family emergency in San Antonio.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">But soon
enough, we boarded the bus. It was the hottest day of the year, a blistering
106 degrees with a heat index of 109 degrees, and the inside of the bus hadn’t cooled down yet. The tour
coordinator said that it was because the bus door stayed open too long during
passenger loading.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">O.K. I’ll buy that</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">, I thought. However, the air coming out of my tiny vent wasn't even cool. It was hot air. (A sign of the verbal hot air to come.)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">As
we began to slowly roll out of the casino parking lot, the bus immediately
stalled and died. And the air conditioner stopped working too. (Sign
#3.) My trusty gut immediately tensed. I knew that this was likely to be a long
trip home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
bus driver restarted the bus, and it puttered, jostled, and jerked down the
road at about 10 miles an hour. I knew that the reservation had a low speed
limit, but I recalled us going much faster on this road when we arrived the day
before.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Once
off the reservation, the driver pulled into a Shell station, and passengers
were joking that he must have forgotten to get gas.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Everybody
off the bus,” the coordinator said. “The driver needs to reboot the computer.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Computer?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">My
bullshit meter jolted sharply to the right. (Sign #4.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Susan
and I joined the ant line of mostly elderly passengers, many moving slowly with
walkers and canes, into the convenience store as the bus took a few test laps
around the store.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">My
gut told me to buy a big bottle of water. Susan snagged some Gatorade.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">We
boarded the bus again, and the bus slowly pulled out of the parking lot.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">At
about 10 miles an hour.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">And
for the next 30 minutes, the bus repeatedly stalled and died; the air conditioner shut off
and popped back on several times; and the bus advanced slower and slower—so
slow that the driver hugged the edge of the road so that other cars could pass safely
on the left. We made it past the U.S. Border Patrol checkpoint when Susan and
I, who were seated at the back of the bus, heard a pop.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">That</i> wasn’t the computer,” I snarked. Susan
laughed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
bus, now on a two-lane road, advanced slower and slower until it stopped—not quite completely off the road—and the engine and air conditioner stopped again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Everybody
off the bus,” the coordinator said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Passengers
started to grumble. “I ain’t gettin’ off no damn bus again. I’m stayin’ right
here,” some proclaimed stubbornly. Mamma would have been one of those stubborn people. She always walked with a limp due to suffering from polio when she was a child, so she wouldn't have wanted to continue to climb up and down the bus stairs.</span><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
coordinator was insistent, though. And when I rose from my seat and carefully made my
way down the narrow aisle to disembark, I knew why: Texas Department of
Public Safety troopers were outside—hands on their well-armed and equipped hips
and not a smile within a thousand miles.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Troopers
stopped the bus for a safety check. Thick smoke was flowing from
the back of the bus, and the troopers didn’t want a repeat of a tragic casino
tour bus fire that killed eight people and injured 40 in May.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Slowly,
one-by-one, most passengers left the hot and humid bus for an equally hot
106-degree heat outside in tall, dry grass and uneven terrain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Be
careful of rattlesnakes,” one person said. They weren’t kidding.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">As
we stood in the shade of the bus, I watched a frenzy of activity: The tour
coordinator called the home office to try to get a mechanic or another bus,
while troopers accompanied the driver as he opened the back of the bus. The
source of the smoke? A split fan belt and busted water hose. And that's when I also got a good look at the assortment of past Band-Aid-like
mechanical repair jobs. (Sign #5.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><strong>Always Carry Water</strong></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Passengers
were ill prepared to be in the heat, and I was never more glad that Mamma was safely in another realm, because she never did well in the heat and would have been the first to croak.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Most passengers didn’t have water and some were even
wearing long sleeve shirts. Their walkers and canes didn’t help steady their gait, for the
terrain was rocky and there were holes in the ground. One man fell trying to
find a place to stand. No one could sit down because there were also ants all over the ground.
So we all stood there like a herd of sheep, wondering what we should do. The tour coordinator, still
on the cell phone, went into the nearby field and picked up stray branches.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><em>What's she going to do? Start a fire?</em> I thought.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">She used the limbs to prop
open all the windows of the bus so that fresh air could circulate for those still
inside. And soon, she announced that a bus would be coming in two hours.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Should
Crystal come pick us up?” my sister Susan asked. Her daughter was willing to
drive all the way from San Antonio to get us. But Crystal would arrive about the
same time as the next bus. Why ask someone who has been working since 6 a.m.
to drive two-and-a-half hours to get us if she didn’t need to? So we thanked Crystal for the
offer, and declined.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">In
time, the most elderly passengers were starting to show signs of heat
exhaustion. A nice lady driving by stopped to give us a big jug of water that
she kept in her car. And finally a Border Patrol agent brought out a huge,
trademark orange Home Depot water jug. No cups, but it was cold water.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
faces of some passengers were red, and by this time, the troopers were trying to
coordinate a two-at-a-time ferry system in which some of the more ill passengers would be
taken to the Pilot gas station 20 miles back in Eagle Pass. There was water, food, and air conditioning there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">So the ferrying began, and though this is might be terrible to say, the process of deciding who went with the trooper felt very much
like the sinking Titanic—everyone wanted to go first, but couldn’t, and we
wondered when or if the trooper would return.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
sun began to set, providing a much-needed relief in temperatures. It also signaled the start of swarming
mosquitoes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“And
there are coyotes that come out at night around here,” a passenger added.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Lovely</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">About
an hour later, area sheriff’s deputies and Border Patrol agents came with sport
utility vehicles and vans to accelerate the ferrying process. By this time, we
were way past the two-hour mark of the replacement bus, and there were many folks still left at the side of the road.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><strong>The Challenge of Keeping Your Cool in the Heat</strong></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">All
this time, I had decided that I wouldn’t complain—that I was hydrated, healthy,
and mobile. I was a black belt, and I was fine. A replacement bus was coming. And even if it didn’t,
my sister and I would eventually be taken to the Pilot station. I could stay out on the
side of the road longer if necessary. But with the sun setting, I began to
worry that a car would slam into the back of the bus because only one of the
hazard blinkers was working and the bus battery was dying.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I've had a lifelong fear of dying at an early age, and I was slowly becoming convinced that this was it. I would die on the side of the road out in the middle of nowhere with people I didn't know because I wanted to go gambling with my sister.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><em>Some things aren't worth the risk</em>, I mumbled to myself.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“So
I’m curious,” I said to the trooper. “Where is the safest place to be in a
situation like this? I mean, if a car comes along and careens right into the back of this thing. I’m thinking as far away from this bus as possible.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
DPS trooper looked behind him, pointing out toward the field. “Actually, I’d be out there.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">But
before I could take his advice, a single thumping sound hit the brim of the
trooper’s hat.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><em>Plop.</em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><em></em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><em>Plop, plop.</em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><em></em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><em>Plop, plop, plop...</em></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">We stared
at each other, then looked up at the sky.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">And
saw lightning in the distance. (Sign #6.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Really, Mother Nature?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Everyone
needs to get back on the bus,” the trooper announced.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
wondered whether a replacement bus was coming at all and began making mental
escape plans once I got to the Pilot station. Was there a hotel and car rental
place in the area? By this time, I needed more water, food, a shower, and
time away from the coordinator, who was still assuring us that the bus was
gassing up and on its way. (Sign # 7.)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">My
sister and I left on the final ferrying caravan in the air conditioned comfort
of a Border Patrol agent’s SUV. He was so nice and understanding. But now that everyone was safe, I was
starting to get pissed. My cell phone had died long ago, so I didn’t take
pictures of the folks standing around the bus, evidence of past shitty engine repair jobs,
or the algae in the window. I got angry when I thought about the fact that the
driver and coordinator didn’t stop in the casino parking lot when the bus died the first time. They should have stopped to fix the
problem then. They put the lives of all these people in danger. I was fine. My
sister was fine. But everyone else was struggling.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
give most people the benefit of the doubt, but when my gut tells me that
someone is telling me a lie, it’s usually correct. And my gut had been screaming since
we left the casino.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">It
was about 9 p.m. when we arrived at the Pilot station, and 10:30 p.m. when the
replacement bus arrived.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">A
smaller replacement bus.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">With
bad shocks.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">And
fewer, smaller seats.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">But we were rolling again, heading toward the broken down bus to retrieve everyone’s luggage
and then off to San Antonio.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">
The new driver almost hit the old bus when we drove by it because it was raining so hard he
could barely see it in the dark. In the driving rain, the driver of the broken down bus darted in and out of
oncoming traffic to cart every piece of luggage from one bus to the next. How
he didn’t get hit by a car, I’ll never know. It was also a dangerous place for us to
be—parked in front of a bus without flashers like a sitting duck.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
driver finally loaded the last piece of luggage onto the replacement bus and boarded soaked. He had nowhere to sit, so he parked his rear in the aisle. The
safety violations of this trip were piling up, and I decided that when I was
back in Austin, I needed to contact the casino and urge them to sever relationships
with this company. The number of customers this tour brings isn’t worth the
possible loss of one life. The tour coordinator and driver were too
irresponsible to remain employed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">After
calming down, I finally drifted into a nap, and we finally arrived in San
Antonio at 2 a.m. I’ve never been more happy to see my brother-in-law,
Mark, who had waited up all night to drive us the rest of the way home.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><strong>And What Did We Learn?</strong></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">One
of the lessons of this adventure is to do more research on who I allow to drive
me anywhere. I did have a part in this fiasco. I didn’t have to take this tour.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
other lesson is that it’s O.K. for me to back out of an agreement if I don’t
feel completely safe. I could have waltzed up the bus aisle as we rolled out of
the casino and inquired about the bus’s condition. And I could have refused to
get back on the bus while at the Shell station.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Probably
the biggest takeaways from this is that it reinforces the fact that I should
ALWAYS trust my gut when it tells me not to go along with the crowd—to be the
squeaky wheel when others won’t be. I know that I wasn’t the only one whose gut
was screaming that this bus wasn't safe. So next time, I’m going to honor my
gut.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">And
lastly, regardless of the fact that my mom loved casino bus trips, I think I’ll
take my car next time. Some risks aren’t worth taking.</span></div>
</div>
CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-26709768540450693102016-07-08T08:30:00.002-05:002017-01-05T12:01:08.245-06:00The Weekend I Didn’t Spend at a Buddhist Temple<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">When
I pray, The Universe listens. When necessary, it answers. I don’t have to be chanting
in a Buddhist monastery to receive the answer. I can be sitting at my cluttered
kitchen table, my bags packed by the door, ready to take a short drive to the
outskirts of Austin for a four-day silent retreat at a Buddhist temple when I
get a voicemail from a monk going on and on about communication issues, dignitaries
making a surprise visit, and the decision—with apologies—to cancel my stay.
(This a whole 90 minutes before the retreat was supposed to begin.)</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Stunned
in silence, I sat at my kitchen table for about 30 minutes; my car keys still
in hand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I’d reserved
my spot at the temple a month in advance. The silent retreat was part of the
spiritual development portion of an upcoming fourth-degree black belt test. But
I’d said a couple prayers earlier that week along the lines of “…and if for any
reason I shouldn’t go on the retreat at the temple, please intervene on my
behalf.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
Universe answered.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">And
though disappointed—on the verge of crushed—I knew that there was a reason for
the intervention, even if I may never know why.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">While
planning for the retreat, I’d tried to apply my kung fu Sifu’s advice of “never
expect; never compare.” I didn’t think I had any expectations of how the
weekend at the temple was supposed to go. But I did expect <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">to go</i> to the temple. If there was an underlying expectation beyond
that, it was the acceptance that I’d likely be uncomfortable at some point during
the retreat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
Universe has a wicked sense of humor. I was uncomfortable alright.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
hadn’t realized until that moment how much I was looking forward to living at
the monastery for four days of silence. I had told coworkers before leaving that
ever since watching <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kung Fu</i> as a
child, I’d wanted to shave my head and move to a Buddhist monastery, just like “Grasshopper.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDEDP4nm7LGBvfh82IhgYQJ6xssjO7SGLlLeYKs2R50Iz4tgfBkv4pYHtbm3xjO3iEOBQGlzIkXoixPy97OO7XEcIFUiO2G44G3UXgCtMNUafeTiteypEtmWlhMFizCJbNrYn8bi1WfRw/s1600/GrasshopperPoCandles.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDEDP4nm7LGBvfh82IhgYQJ6xssjO7SGLlLeYKs2R50Iz4tgfBkv4pYHtbm3xjO3iEOBQGlzIkXoixPy97OO7XEcIFUiO2G44G3UXgCtMNUafeTiteypEtmWlhMFizCJbNrYn8bi1WfRw/s320/GrasshopperPoCandles.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">What
was I supposed to do now?</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">First
thought: Go see my niece Amanda in Corpus Christi. She gave birth to a son six
months ago. I hadn’t yet met my great-nephew, Landon.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Second
thought: Get dressed and go to work. No since in wasting a perfectly good
vacation day.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l5 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Third
thought: Go get a donut.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
went with my first instinct: I quickly reserved a hotel room near the Corpus Christi bay front,
grabbed an extra pair of shorts and my comfy white ALABAMA T-shirt, and decided
to make “lemonade”—spend as much of the weekend in silence as possible. New
rules: No radio, no television, no social media, calling Mare and responding to
texts within a one-hour span in the evening, and “speak only if spoken to.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Day 1 Observations: Sadness<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">On
the drive to the beach, without the radio blaring, I note:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 39.75pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
terrain changes from tall trees to short, stubby bushes. The grass along the
frontage roads takes on a dry brown hue typical of summertime in Texas. One burning cigarette tossed out a car window would start a wildfire.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 39.75pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Two
semi-trucks fly by me with Bible verses printed on their cabs. Never seen that
before.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 39.75pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l3 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">This
day 28 years ago, I made the same drive to interview for a newspaper job in
Corpus Christi. (Weird coincidence #1)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Upon entering the
lobby of the hotel:</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 39.75pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l12 level1 lfo5; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
realize I’m in the exact place that the newspaper put me up at 28 years ago
during my interview. The hotel has changed ownership and seen better
days, but it is definitely the same place. (Weird coincidence #2)</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 39.75pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l12 level1 lfo5; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I’m
a tad annoyed that I have to speak to the hotel clerk at check-in (the nerve!),
but she is really nice, and it isn’t her fault that I’d rather be at the
temple.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 3.75pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">In the room, I’m
silent:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 39.75pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l6 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
only noise comes from the hum of an air conditioner and my annoying, chronic
tinnitus.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 39.75pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l6 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
reach for my cellphone repeatedly out of habit, then pull away at the last
minute as if it were hot coals.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 39.75pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l6 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">It
feels weird to be at the beach and not plan fun outings.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 39.75pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l6 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
feel sad when I realize that when I woke up this morning, I thought I’d be
ending my day in a completely different place.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 39.75pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l6 level1 lfo3; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Through
the hotel window, I watch seagulls fly around the building—because I have
nothing else to do. And I’m sad again because, while the seagulls are
entertaining, this is not what I want to be doing or where I want to be. Then I
notice a baby seagull. How cute. Pretty sure I’d have never noticed the little sucker
if I weren’t just watching in stillness and silence.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">At
sunset, I take a walk outside:</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l9 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
wonder if this silent weekend counts toward my test if I’m not at the temple.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l9 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">A
humid, hot bay breeze hits my face as seagulls chirp overhead. I hope the birds
don’t poop on my head, but then I think that it’d be fitting considering how
the weekend is going thus far.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l9 level1 lfo4; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
become sad all over again. Lots of sighs and deep breaths. After all these
years of sobriety, my go-to emotion in times of disappointment is still sadness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Back
in my room, the sun now gone, I toggle between studying a book of quotations from
Mother Teresa and another from the Dalai Lama.:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo6; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
read about the “Tree of Self-Defeat,” and notice how often I feel empty and
inadequate.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo6; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
read about forgiveness, and realize that on many levels, I’ve refused to make
peace with myself—that I won’t let myself off the hook for certain
imperfections.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo6; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
read about “freedom from mental anguish.” Boy, do I want that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I’m
so ready to not be sad anymore.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Day 2 Observations: Water, People<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I’m
ready to go down for the hotel’s free breakfast when I realize that I have a
dark T-shirt on, and that if I plan to hike in 100-degree heat, I best put on
something lighter. I choose my trusty white ALABAMA tee.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Now
down at the breakfast bar, I grab some oatmeal and coffee and try to find a
place away from everyone. I see an empty spot at the bar, but the moment I sit
down, I know it’s not the right place. I get up and move to another table in
the corner.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Two
boys—a teenager and another about age five—come sit at the next table. Their
mom quickly follows. She eventually leans over toward me: “So how do Alabama
beaches compare to those in Texas?” She’s looking at my T-shirt.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
look down at my T-shirt. I had forgotten what I was wearing. “Oh, I don’t know.
This is a souvenir.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">She
was from Alabama, hence the conversation starter. We talk for AN HOUR. Turns
out she knows my ex-brother-in-law. (Weird coincidence #3) Had I not changed
T-shirts at the last minute and moved seats, I might have never met her, and
her conversation was a welcome reprieve from sadness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">After
breakfast, I take a long stroll along the bay front, where there is a fascinating
display of the planets, placed much like the Stations of the Cross.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN2Qc58uySVknAdHUY915q0O1YAYtZvL25j8xXGVyZZs9EeUcJTW1m3hfwRXbzp_-wV-I3iHY-LaXCp2GyHloIJT1D5X8Q6cWB0l-bL9kypfpfvtYHOs2G8my8Vv9t8KwwcY8lKxnQzl8/s1600/TheSun.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN2Qc58uySVknAdHUY915q0O1YAYtZvL25j8xXGVyZZs9EeUcJTW1m3hfwRXbzp_-wV-I3iHY-LaXCp2GyHloIJT1D5X8Q6cWB0l-bL9kypfpfvtYHOs2G8my8Vv9t8KwwcY8lKxnQzl8/s320/TheSun.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I’m in awe
at how much the information seems perfectly suited:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo7; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
sun is one big bunch of hot air—a lot like me!</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo7; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Mercury
has a lot of craters. “Craters cover the surface,” the display reads. “Most are
scars from the dawn of the solar system, when asteroids and comets pounded the
planet. Now all is still and silent.” I’ve “cratered” before, I have a lot of
childhood scars, and I’m still and silent this weekend. Hmmm. Who knew I had so much in common with Mercury?</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo7; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Jupiter’s
beauty masks turbulence… Between its colorful bands of clouds swirl
hurricane-like storms.” I look at the Great Red Spot in the display’s photo. I
know that Inadequacy is my Great Red Spot. Like Jupiter, I mask it pretty well.
I think that everyone probably has a Great Red Spot, though. They just don’t blog about
it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">As I
continue to stroll, I notice a banner for the Corpus Christi Hooks, the city’s
minor league baseball team:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l7 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Sadness
and inadequacy are “hooks” that keep me stuck. Whoa…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I go
to a restaurant for lunch. While eating, I write a letter to myself—an honest account
of how I’ve held myself back all these years:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l7 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">You’re unfairly
hard on yourself.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l7 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">You’re a good
person. Other people see it. Why don’t you?</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l7 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Will you ever let
yourself off the hook? Life is short, you know.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG5ucCZpUm5nvxA9NDq4gmMGkus46d_YDLwjTGZrlkSyQfMTwC8GKn3pCFolbEdfyU9QiuXzRjUXncrlD2pWAa-8HTC1n-6HOUF_crbSa9EA8BXW58lVBXvYMsMdjK05jVres3w40TJOM/s1600/Letter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG5ucCZpUm5nvxA9NDq4gmMGkus46d_YDLwjTGZrlkSyQfMTwC8GKn3pCFolbEdfyU9QiuXzRjUXncrlD2pWAa-8HTC1n-6HOUF_crbSa9EA8BXW58lVBXvYMsMdjK05jVres3w40TJOM/s320/Letter.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">After
lunch, I walk to the edge of the bay, tear up the pages of my letter, lay down
near the water, and toss the tiny pieces of paper in the water. I watch the
individual pieces slowly sink to the bottom, some quicker than others.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
gave my worries to the water. Which is Earth. And now I think it was fitting
that I saw that planetary display earlier. (Weird coincidence #4) I learned
that the Earth and its water are huge—big enough to absorb my little worries
and take them out to sea, far away:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l8 level1 lfo9; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
can already feel some distance from the pain.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l8 level1 lfo9; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
sun feels good on my skin.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l8 level1 lfo9; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
coastal breeze feels good on my face.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l8 level1 lfo9; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
rhythmic sound of the waves lapping up against the shore is comforting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">On
the walk back to the hotel, I realize that I’m a naturally social person—with a
generous side of depression—and that staying away from people on a long weekend
on the heels of disappointment probably isn’t the smartest thing to do, and may
be a tad unhealthy. As I wait for a traffic light to change, I hear the whine
and howl of the wind as it pushes the street signs back and forth. The
hotel is located on the corner of Water and Peoples streets.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Back
in the room, I’m restless:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 39.85pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo10; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
want to turn on the TV.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 39.85pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo10; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
want a soda pop.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 39.85pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo10; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I’d
LOVE a donut.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 39.85pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo10; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">It’s
hard to stick with the silence when I’m sad. And again, the thought occurs to
me that doing a solo silent retreat may not be the healthiest thing for a
person prone to depression.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 39.85pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l2 level1 lfo10; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
meditate for 40 minutes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
decide to break my silence, calling my niece to see if little Landon is awake.
He is, so I go visit for a couple hours. He is cute and giggly and adorable.
My spirits lift.</span><br />
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsClCNhtn0J2ADO8X_A5MuxMtByCEGhDX0a3JBhtKJFMpdlRUcaNCP0Rd2I8l8SD6PJMfGFuIa4sa9SnCh2iTOEu36I66LP32dYdZ68cgYok_IkHkCUqHpwibksRRi8B8dC7l_njYO3h0/s1600/Landon.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsClCNhtn0J2ADO8X_A5MuxMtByCEGhDX0a3JBhtKJFMpdlRUcaNCP0Rd2I8l8SD6PJMfGFuIa4sa9SnCh2iTOEu36I66LP32dYdZ68cgYok_IkHkCUqHpwibksRRi8B8dC7l_njYO3h0/s320/Landon.png" width="180" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p><strong>My great-nephew, Landon</strong></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
return to the hotel later in a better mental place. Some people and water time
was just what I needed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">People.</span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Water</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
remember that the hotel is on the corner of Water and People streets. (Weird
coincidence #5)</span><br />
</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Day 3 Observations: Peanut Butter
Deprivation</span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I’m
wide awake at 5 a.m., so I get up and write about some awakenings with old-fashioned
pen and paper:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 39.75pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l11 level1 lfo13; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
actually like early morning silence.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 39.75pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l11 level1 lfo13; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
need to make more time for silence and meditation, daily reflection, and
spiritual study.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 39.75pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l11 level1 lfo13; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I’ve
enjoyed studying my books.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
meditate for 20 minutes, then get dressed and take another walk to the
shoreline to watch the sun come up. While I wait, I practice the two martial
arts forms I’m working on at the moment: Taekwondo’s Pyongwon and ving tsun
kung fu’s Siu Nim Tao. It feels good to be out this early. I watch the sun
rise, take some pictures, and stroll back to the hotel.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">In
my room, I sit on the edge of the bed, wondering why I thought it was so
important or necessary to do a silent retreat. What am I trying to prove?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
remember a day that Mare and I made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. She
asked me why I spread the peanut butter so thin.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Slather
it on thick!” she urged, taking the butter knife, digging it deep into the
peanut butter jar, and emerging with a clump the size of a squirrel.
“Otherwise, it’s not a peanut butter sandwich. It’s a bread sandwich.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">It
was my first awakening to a warped sense of deprivation:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l7 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
think that suffering or going without basic comforts is a noble endeavor—that
by going without, I’ll somehow be stronger.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l7 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I’ve
told myself for a lifetime that I don’t need much—that I can get by with very
little. And I have. Now, though, it’s working against me. (It never really
worked. It was just a coping skill that I used to get through a childhood
living amid the family disease of alcoholism.)</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l7 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
hear the voice of my mom, saying, “Don’t use too much. We have to make (<em>fill in
the blank</em>) last.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l7 level1 lfo8; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "times new roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14pt;">When
other people go on the No Sugar Challenge, it’s about cutting something horrible from their diet. When I do it, it’s about punishing myself because
I like cake and donuts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;">Sitting on
the bedside, I realize that while the silent retreat was born out of a
challenge to become more centered and present, it ended with me depriving
myself of all contact with people. I had gone to the opposite extreme—from
community to isolation—and, as suspected, it indeed wasn’t healthy. Because I
went into a deprived state of being on the heels of disappointment, I really
set myself up for unnecessary pain:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l4 level1 lfo11; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
Plan B retreat deprived me of talking, of connecting with others—something that
I truly need and love. I like people. I see now that I got it wrong.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l4 level1 lfo11; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">It’s
not silence I need as much as stillness. Peace. Reflection. Observation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I decide
to return home a day early.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">All
packed, I walk through the hotel room one last time for any forgotten items.
And that’s when it hits me. By the door, I see my packed bags, stacked the same
way they were the morning I thought I was going to the temple. I can’t stop the
tears. I wanted to go to the temple so bad. I was looking forward to it. I
excitedly told my coworkers and friends about it. I had my heart set on it. I
cried hard. “Little girl” hard, because that’s probably the last time I really
got this excited about something.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">On
the drive home, I feel numb. The drive feels familiar, though—not because I’ve
driven it so many times, but because 25 years ago this month, I drove away from
Corpus Christi having had my last drink of alcohol. I’ve been sober ever since.
No wonder this has been a hard weekend.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">As
soon as I walk back through the door at home, greeted lovingly by Mare and our
furry pack of puppies, my spirit lifts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I’m
imperfect—still a work in progress. Though the weekend didn’t turned out the
way I’d planned, I am oddly grateful. If I hadn’t decided to take the stupid fourth-degree
black belt test, and as a result go on a silent retreat, I may not have ever
learned that:</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l10 level1 lfo12; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Sadness
and inadequacy are my “hooks.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l10 level1 lfo12; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">It’s
O.K. to need and want to be around other people.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l10 level1 lfo12; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
beach is not always the solution to ever problem, but it’s good to check.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l10 level1 lfo12; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
don’t need to spend the weekend at a temple to practice stillness—to reflect in
silence.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l10 level1 lfo12; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">As
usual, I have everything I need right where I am—and that’s enough.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l10 level1 lfo12; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I’M
ENOUGH.</span></div>
CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-68502734507047388412016-06-15T07:38:00.002-05:002016-06-16T14:37:31.411-05:00And Acceptance is the Key<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgAbCkPhhJQuKH6nQC9muO07pgyawJkcdU-chpKsMJsMY9TTfdZ_F-kDE2k-FFR3QLVC5iYph2cyvc_4DucyRh0-uzz98rIaszL9IQ9Wd7PxAR_aFNSDI-tujx5DsPpQAsmLpxDGeLf2g/s1600/AcceptMore.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgAbCkPhhJQuKH6nQC9muO07pgyawJkcdU-chpKsMJsMY9TTfdZ_F-kDE2k-FFR3QLVC5iYph2cyvc_4DucyRh0-uzz98rIaszL9IQ9Wd7PxAR_aFNSDI-tujx5DsPpQAsmLpxDGeLf2g/s320/AcceptMore.jpg" width="267" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">As an adult, I’ve had an odd attraction to Christians. The most
fundamentalist kind.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">My wife Mare says if I’m at a party and there’s a Christian in the
room, we will be drawn to each other like a moth to flame and spend the entire
evening in a deep, meaningful spiritual conversation.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">She’s right. I've always been drawn to anyone who lives a spiritual life.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">My best friend at a publishing company I used to work for is an
Assemblies of God member. Coworkers would see us bop off to lunch on a
near-daily basis and shake their heads. I was an out lesbian then, and everyone
knew my coworker’s beliefs.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">“How does that even work?” a coworker asked me one day. “You’re gay and
she’s…”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">“I don’t know,” I said. “And I don’t care.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">My most profound martial arts influence remains a Buddhist-turned-born-again
Christian. Today he’s a pastor. Years ago, after coming out to him, I was hurt
and angry because I didn’t feel accepted. I sat in Alcoholics Anonymous/Al-Anon
meetings for months, crying my eyes out because I loved him so deeply and felt
rejected. I eventually moved to Austin, stopped commuting to classes, and time
took care of the pain. We never discussed the matter again.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">It took me years to realize that the only acceptance that really
counted was mine—and that of my Higher Power. At that point, I decided to agree
to disagree with my beloved mentor.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">When I opened my martial arts studio, guess who was the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">first</i></b>
to be invited to teach a guest seminar? Yep. My students absolutely loved him,
just like I always did. And today, though in my 24 years on the mat I only
trained with this man for about three years, I pass on more of his essence and
knowledge to my students than all my many instructors over the years combined.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-size: large;">I don’t know how all this stuff works. I’m spiritual, I pray, and I’ve
been known to break into tears upon crossing the threshold of a Catholic
church. Mare calls me a freak because I have coincidental interactions with
strangers that turn out to be powerful God moments. I’m friends with people who
society might say I shouldn’t be. Whatever. Today, I don’t know what I’m doing,
but I continue the hard work of acceptance—of accepting myself and others as
they are, not as I would have them be.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: large;">I suspect it will be a lifelong exercise.</span></div>
CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-6440567359018512362016-06-05T11:04:00.000-05:002016-06-06T07:15:12.738-05:00Black Belt: Not for Sale<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLniZ8odyj_cOcdsoZMoonfTfzJcJGeoSbyCiaV7Tfu_Cf3hOaC0RVO7B1XGA9HTYgk2RxHSCQmI9FcsNmOfalex6ArjZReHtTBIYFRmMQIJJxoylHOwo02pT0RxAAKUDQ5e0cUxrymHI/s1600/BlackBeltVending.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLniZ8odyj_cOcdsoZMoonfTfzJcJGeoSbyCiaV7Tfu_Cf3hOaC0RVO7B1XGA9HTYgk2RxHSCQmI9FcsNmOfalex6ArjZReHtTBIYFRmMQIJJxoylHOwo02pT0RxAAKUDQ5e0cUxrymHI/s320/BlackBeltVending.jpg" width="179" /></a></div>
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Sacred.<o:p></o:p></span></i><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">This
single word uttered repeatedly at a meeting yesterday has helped me understand on
a new level why I struggled so much when I ran Tao of Texas Martial Arts
Institute, and why black belt factories grate my nerves and test my compassionate
spirit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Yesterday
at an AA meeting, the day’s topic morphed into how we must etch out time in our
busy days to honor the things we find sacred.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Time to honor the sacred.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">And
it got me thinking:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is why I get so
angry at martial arts schools that charge outrageous tuition and churn out
black belts like an assembly line—or worse, six-year-old black belts who don’t
yet have the mental capacity to understand the weight and responsibilities of
the belt.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The process
of getting a black belt in many schools is no longer sacred. An important,
life-changing rite of passage has been put on speed dial in exchange for a
hefty monthly bank draft.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Now
before you get all hot and bothered and prepare to write a Facebook rant in
defense of your style and your school, know that I’m most likely not talking
about <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you</i>. (But <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you</i> know who I’m talking about, right?)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
know a city full of excellent martial artists who run reputable schools. Through
many martial arts conferences, I’ve met the finest martial artists and instructors
from around the world who don’t belong in the aforementioned league. They’re the real deal,
and it shows in how they conduct themselves and in the students they produce.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">So, sorry. This post isn't about you. It’s not really even about <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">them</i>.
It’s about me. It’s about why <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I</b> have—after
five years as a school owner and 15 years as a Taekwondo teacher—always struggled to take
money in exchange for lessons.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Because
to me, martial arts knowledge is sacred.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">If a
six-year-old cannot comprehend the meaning of sacred, I don’t understand how that kid can
become a black belt. It’s as simple as that. (Unless, of course, that kid is the next Dalia Lama.)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
know so many good martial arts business owners who don’t have a problem with running
a martial arts school as a business. By doing so, they are able to support their families and
their communities, and they run great schools. And we NEED great schools. I
wouldn’t be the woman I am today without a great school and instructor in San
Antonio and many others right here in Austin.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Can martial
arts be sacred and still a business?</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Let
me be drill down another rabbit hole: At what point does it cease to be sacred?
When the belt is essentially sold and the process rushed along? When students are
cheated out of a profound mental, physical, and spiritual experience because
they are walking the path a little slower than expected—and the school owner
needs to cover bills?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">This
is my issue. Again, <em><strong>my</strong></em> issue. Black
belt factories have taken away what’s sacred about a martial arts life and have
soiled the work that so many great martial artists do on a daily basis, like
those who:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Speak
at schools about combating bullying;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Teach
self-defense at women’s shelters; and<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: "symbol"; font-size: 14pt;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Raise
money and then travel hundreds of miles to an impoverished area of Alabama and
work to revitalize the community.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I’ve
tried to make my personal peace with martial arts and business for a long time. I may never
get there. Because now I know that to me, it’s sacred.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">But I
applaud all who are doing the good work of teaching martial arts on a daily
basis. I’m glad they can do it, because the world desperately needs more people
who practice and pass on the full-circle skills that come with this way of life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">But
for those who are selling us out—for those who are tarnishing our names and
our way of life—in the words of infamous Honey Badger Mom Kelly Muir:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Stop
it.</span></div>
CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-32929588955134664582016-05-22T13:32:00.000-05:002016-05-23T14:51:37.292-05:00Finding Closure for a 30-Year Regret<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Toward
the end of every May, a seasonal sadness comes to visit my psyche. This year,
the sadness is stronger than usual, and it wasn’t until Friday night that I
figured out why. As part of my annual talk with tweens and teens about the
dangers of drugs and alcohol, I revealed a deep, 30-year-old regret:<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“I
never walked across the stage when I graduated from the University of Texas at
Austin,” I told the small group of former students. “I was drinkin’ then. I didn’t
think it was that important. I got my degree in the mail.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“Whoa,”
one teen said. Two others’ jaws dropped.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Per
usual toward the end of May, I view photo after photo on Facebook and Instagram
of smiling college professor friends and some of my own former students in
their college regalia and I feel a sad powerlessness. In my whatever-year-long
sobriety, I’ve been able to make right many wrongs and wipe clean many regrets.
I doubt, though, that there’s a do-over program out there for Old College
Graduates Who Didn’t Walk the Stage.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Yesterday
I tried to remember through a 30-year-old fog of alcohol and depression why I felt
as if I needed to put up an “it’s not important to me” wall back then. Maybe I was sure
no one in my family would come to Austin to see me walk across the gradation
stage. Maybe I was still hurt because my alcoholic father didn’t attend my high
school graduation. Maybe the alcohol and depression really skewed my perception
and priorities to the point that graduation, life, etc., all seemed meaningless—like
I could care less.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Well,
big surprise: On the 30-year anniversary of completing my bachelor’s in journalism,
I now care. And there just isn’t much I can do about it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Today
I’m hearing the echo of one of several promises of the program of Alcoholics
Anonymous: “We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">But
some days I regret the past. Do you? Am I alone?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Regardless
of whether I’m alone in feeling this way, do I want to continue feeling this
way?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Hell
no.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Besides,
my AA sponsor has drilled into my brain that I can feel sorry for myself for 15
minutes every day, but then once that 15 minutes is up I have to look for solutions
and get on with my day. So now that my pity party time is up, I’m wondering:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">How
does one have a college graduation do-over?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Maybe
I invite my college professor friends, former students, friends, and family
into my backyard, where someone funny and outrageous like Spike Gillespie gives a keynote speech and I walk across a
platform in a UT cap and gown. Maybe.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Maybe I toss the cap up into the air with a “Yipee!”
and my </span><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">dachshund-</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">mix snatches the
hat and quickly hides it somewhere in the yard. Maybe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Maybe
I host a graduation party afterward with vegan cake and alcohol-free punch.
Maybe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Maybe
there IS a way that I can avoid a recurrence of this regret on the 31<sup>st</sup>
anniversary of my graduation. Maybe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">More
will be revealed.</span></div>
CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-9270693772707346822016-05-10T07:28:00.001-05:002016-05-12T09:15:13.847-05:00There's No Pouting in Greensboro<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">My
book will haunt me until the day I die.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Life has always repeatedly handed me
reasons to complain, except now there’s a fan of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">No Pouting in the Dojo</i> two feet away, and she believes that I’m a
super Pollyanna who doesn’t ever give in to whining.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Silly
fan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Life
indeed still hands me lemons. It’s kinda a joke between me and The Universe
now. And I try my best to make the best gosh-darn lemonade around, hard as it
is sometimes. I’ve had a lot of practice in making lemonade. How do you make a great
batch? I recently found a secret ingredient.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Latest
lemonade-making opportunity: The Alabama Build-Vention. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">This annual charity build
event in Greensboro, Ala., attracts martial artists from all over the United
States and Canada. Participants each raised thousands of dollars and traveled hundreds
of miles to perform manual labor tasks for citizens in this impoverished community who either can't afford to pay someone to help or who are too elderly or fragile in health to do it themselves. This year we scraped off decades-old paint from Main Street Greensboro, built out
the interior of a new schoolhouse that will help residents earn their GEDs, and
painted downtown buildings.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
was stoked to get started the next day, so my first night in town, I found an open spot on the floor of the Greensboro Baptist Church gym and pumped up my air mattress. Everything was going well. I was
hydrated, fueled, and motivated to start work the next day. But after the lights
went out, I realized that my brand new air mattress had a bad leak. Compounding
that was a wicked case of insomnia, rare for this snore-a-holic. Compounding <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i> was a growing anxiety every time a
nearby city bell clock clang, reminding me that I was still awake. I tossed and
turned on the air mattress, which by now had lost so much air that I began to feel the chilly
gym floor beneath me. I was cold and annoyed. And then that dang clock
bell would ring again. Just hours earlier I had admired the serenity of the bells.
Now I cursed them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Hours
passed before I stubbornly decided that sleeping on the martial arts mats was a
better option than sleeping on a cold, hard floor, so I dragged my blanket
to the edge of green mats that my jiu jitsu colleagues rolled on earlier in the
evening. But I still couldn’t sleep. And those dang bells still rang. And I
realized that I’d start my first full work day in Greensboro tired. Frustration grew.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">This
was not what I expected to happen. This was unacceptable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
started to panic. And then I remembered what our trusted leader, Tom Callos,
said at our first group meeting: “This is a no-complaint zone. If we don’t have
it, we don’t need it.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Then
my damn kung fu Sifu’s words wafted in: “Never expect. Never compare.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Of
course I had an expectation that I would sleep. I’m a good sleeper. I love naps
and take them often. But I wasn’t sleeping. Sifu was right: I was upset because
my expectation didn’t fit reality.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“So.
O.K.,” I said to myself in a snotty tone, “if I don’t get sleep, I must not need
it.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">And
that was the moment that I fell asleep.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Seems
that acceptance is a key ingredient in making a great batch of lemonade.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">Hours later, as
my fellow campers stirred, I felt strangely awake and energetic. A colleague
took one look at my now completely flat air mattress and could only utter, “Oh,
nooooo!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">And
The Universe intervened, saying for me something that I wouldn’t have said for
myself years ago: “That’s O.K. Last night’s bad sleep is insurance for tonight’s
good sleep.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">The
rest of the work trip was a sweaty, exhausting, paint-chip dirty, fantastic
experience. And every night, like clockwork, my air mattress lost air.
Whatever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;">“My
bad sleeps in Greensboro are insurance for sleeping great once I get home,” I
began to say to myself.</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">I don’t
think that I would have been in the correct mindset to see all the wonderful
people and events if Callos hadn’t set the tone for the Build-Vention and if
Sifu’s four words hadn’t settled into my psyche.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 107%;">And if I hadn't added acceptance into the lemonade...</span>CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-525548927764153984.post-48964849511773851422016-02-11T10:49:00.001-06:002016-03-22T11:32:59.812-05:00Austin City Limits—or Bust<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<i><b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">FINAL in a three-part series about cycling from Houston to Austin in the BP MS 150 to raise research funds for multiple sclerosis (MS). Shameless plea for donations at the end.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></b></i><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> I awoke in a panic at 4 a.m.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> I’d have to be dressed, packed, and ready to roll by 7 a.m. In the black morning darkness, I fumbled around my mattress for my gear bag and, while still zipped inside my sleeping bag, I blindly wrestled against myself to pull on the sausage-stuffer-like jersey and gel-seated shorts. I didn’t want to be late. It didn’t matter that it would be three more hours until we rolled. I didn’t want to be late.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZmOhoNGwss5pmqt0M-jn45rRsra5AWk6vTTt_QHd_chinAF2gsAnqloIImXq1guL-K8Zt1sms_SsZnqYG8mSmJspCYpGcFY4-8BqARrOwYH4pi6HFamE3uAi0ZFoFvQriW0b0HqsZiTM/s1600/ZZ_Top_2015.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="288" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZmOhoNGwss5pmqt0M-jn45rRsra5AWk6vTTt_QHd_chinAF2gsAnqloIImXq1guL-K8Zt1sms_SsZnqYG8mSmJspCYpGcFY4-8BqARrOwYH4pi6HFamE3uAi0ZFoFvQriW0b0HqsZiTM/s320/ZZ_Top_2015.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> <strong>Listen to ZZ Top's "LaGrange " here:</strong></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vppbdf-qtGU">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vppbdf-qtGU</a></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>At 5 a.m., ZZ Top’s “La Grange” blared on camp speakers. After the initial rock shock, I felt oddly happy. Recharged. Ready for the best meal ever—pancakes and coffee—since the best fajitas ever the night before. Breakfast made the biggest difference in quelling my fear by soaking it in syrup-induced comfort. With every stride back to the team tent, I felt steadily happier.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Then I tried to pump up my tires in the dark.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It took five people to help me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Who has a flashlight?” a rider asked.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“I have one,” one man said.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> I felt relieved.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> “But it’s already packed with my gear and on the truck,” he added.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> My heart sunk.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“I have one on my cell phone,” a woman said.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> I felt hopeful.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> “Crap. The battery’s dead.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> My heart sunk again.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Finally, a passerby shined a mini-flashlight on my tire’s valve. A few pumps later, I was ready to roll. But rolling out of camp wasn’t easy. My legs were as heavy as reinforced cement and my fanny felt as though I had gotten one of Mamma’s old-fashioned whoopings. Soreness rode a zigzag path from neck to ankle. But I was going home, so I kept a positive attitude. And I thought of Karla. And I looked at the orange bandana—the one with the names of the many people whom I discovered in the last year had MS or knew a loved one or friend with the disease.</span></div>
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<strong><span style="font-size: xx-small;"> Photo by Cathy Chapaty</span></strong></div>
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<strong>These people are why I ride.</strong></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>This is why I ride</span></i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">, I silently chanted. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">This is why I ride.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Day 2 was a rolling hills rerun of Day 1: more riders with flat tires, muscle cramps, mechanical issues, and looks of defeat. But I was oddly riding well. It was as if I’d been awarded a do-over energy-wise. I had Crazy Christina thoughts:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> If I could do Day 1, I proved that I can do Day 2. I might even do the ride again next year!</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Ten miles became 20 miles, then 30, and 40, and a few mind games later, my fellow riders and I were inching closer toward Austin's city limits. I was making great time, and for once, excitement overtook fear.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>There weren’t many riders around when I pulled into the next rest stop and parked my bike in an empty field. The water rehydration lines were short; there was no wait for bananas, pretzels, oranges, trail mix, and M&Ms; and the port-a-potties still had plenty of toilet paper. Confidence took hold. A maniacal smile emerged. I was going to crush the rest of the ride. I just know it. I could feel it!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> When I turned to get my bike, though, a sea of madness emerged. Since I rolled in, the field and the street had exploded in activity, with hundreds of riders and a mass of bikes on the ground.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;"> Photo courtesy of OnceAMonth4Ladies.com</span></div>
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<strong>O. M. G. Where the hell is my bike?</strong></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> The residual effects of fatigue-brain set in: I had no idea—left, right, front, or back—where I’d left my bike. I thought I'd left it in the field. I was sure of it. But...maybe not...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><em> </em>I tried to stay calm.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> <em>S</em></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><em>urely I’ll find it.</em></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Searching the field, I was certain I left my bike near an electricity pole. I concentrated my search there. No luck. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Maybe I left it closer to the road.</i> No luck. Calmness collapsed into full-on panic as more riders arrived and left. My bottom lip quivered. Frustration rose. Worried Wanda thoughts flooded in.</span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Good grief, how can anyone find anything in this mess?</span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>These bikes all look the same!</span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Someone took my bike! That's what happened! Stole it because theirs was messed up! What jerks!</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><em><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I need to find my bike! Where IS it? </em>(Insert stream of curse words here.)</span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>What if I don’t find it? I’ll never finish!</span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>That’s it—my ride is over.</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>More riders left the rest stop, and the field was beginning to look as empty as when I first rolled in. I gave up, believing that it must be the Ride God’s will that I never finish—that I take a stupid sag wagon after all. But in defeat, I felt a twinge of relief. My shoulders dropped. A brewing frustration headache subsided. I removed my helmet, stripped off my gloves, then looked for a place to sit down in the grass. And that’s when I saw the familiar image of a maroon Trek in the distance—in the complete opposite area where I’d been searching.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> And after I cursed myself in frustration for not finding it sooner, </span>I pulled on my gloves, clipped together the chin strap of my helmet, and rolled.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> <em> </em>The lost bike incident actually allowed me more time to rehydrate, and now I was grateful. The afternoon sun channeled unrelenting heat rays onto my helmet, shoulders, and back. Salty sweat made a steady stream down my temple and into my mouth. Even my shins perspired.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>My mantra of <em>just keep pedaling, just keep pedaling </em>returned to <em>don’t take the sag wagon, don’t take the sag wagon</em>.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> Up ahead, I saw another mass of riders—this time stopped in the road.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Bad accident,” I overheard one rider tell another.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“A biker?” his teammate asked.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“I heard it was bike-car crash,” another rider said. (It turned out to be a stalled car.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> I whispered a grateful prayer for being stuck in that field. Maybe I was going to get into an accident and the Ride God prevented it.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span><em> Just keep pedaling, just keep pedaling</em>, I repeated, and soon another rest stop was on the horizon.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><strong><span style="font-size: xx-small;"> Photo courtesy of the <em>Houston Chronicle</em></span></strong></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><strong>One of the many signs from supporters along the route. They get it.</strong></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> The day—the entire MS 150 experience—was beginning to take its toll. I. WAS. TIRED. But I didn't want to quit. What would my Taekwondo students think if I did? What would Karla think?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> A</span>s I gingerly pulled out of the last rest stop, a fellow rider met me, and we kept pace. At first our pairing was unintentional, but soon it became apparent that the guy needed someone to talk to. So he talked. And talked. He rattled on for miles about how he was riding for his wife, who suffered from MS.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“She’s using a cane now. Finally out of the wheelchair,” he said. “This disease is like a gigantic roller coaster. You never know what’s going to happen next. One day, she’s getting around fine, the next she can’t get out of bed. No warning. Crazy.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>He yakked and yakked about how proud he was of her—of her courage and hope. Suddenly, my little puny pains and aches began to dissipate. He reminded me of why I was riding.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“She’s gotten a lot of assistance from the MS Society,” he said with a smile. “She’s been on some trial meds. Been pretty lucky.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Indeed. Karla had benefited from the same medical research.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Alright, well, it’s been nice riding with you,” he said. “See you in Austin!”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> And in a flash he was well out of sight. I wondered if he, too, was a Ride Angel.</span></div>
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<strong>The most glorious sight since seeing the sign for La Grange a day earlier.</strong></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>At the crest of another hill, the Austin skyline and the Capitol emerged in the distance. Home was within reach. If I didn’t faint, throw up, or crash within the next hour, chances were good that I’d cross the finish line.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> Those were the hardest and yet easiest miles of the ride: More hills to trudge, and yet so close to home that it didn’t matter. Until that last hill up Martin Luther King Boulevard. Oh, I was cursing the ride organizers at that point.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> Still, the closer I got to the finish line, the more excited I felt, for I heard the cheers, whistles, claps, and cowbells from spectators. Some spectators with MS cheered from their wheelchairs. Chills rippled through my body as I finally rolled over the finish line in Austin. The two-day ride seemed like a blur—an adventure that was over too quickly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I finally found Karla and her entourage, who met me with long, odor-rich hugs. Mare was there too.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> Then Karla promptly led me to an open space in the middle of Congress Avenue.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“Gotta do the shot in front of the Capitol,” she said.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It’s Team Karla’s after-MS 150 tradition to take pictures of everyone holding their bikes overhead with the Capitol in the background. I was so drained that Mare had to help me lift my Trek overhead.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><strong>Photo by Ed Frainie</strong></span></div>
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<strong>Team Karla at the finish line, Year 3. That's me on the far right.</strong></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">JUST KEEP PEDALIN'</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>In April, I’ll ride in my fourth MS 150 in a row, and much is the same every year: Cyclists roll through the same City-villes with waving townspeople, eat the same white bread sandwiches and German potatoes at Day 1 lunch, and trudge the same hills that we conveniently forgot about until we have to climb them again. The ride begins to take on a comforting familiarity. You see some of the same riders every year: A slew of energy company teams from Houston; serious bikers with expensive, high-tech, aerodynamic gear; strong riders on fat-tire mountain bikes (who still manage to pass me); and the family members wearing purple jerseys that read “For Michelle.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Every year, more friends and coworkers thank me for riding, then tell me that a family member or friend has MS. Sometimes, they tell me that they have it. Every year, I add more and more names to my orange bandana.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Though many things about the ride have remained unchanged for me over the years, the same has not been true for Karla. Each year, the ride has become harder. Heat aggravates MS’s fatigue symptoms, and I began to see the struggle in her face and eyes. At the end of each ride, Karla has been less of the bubbly, passionate, and energy-filled woman who recruited Mare, Diane, and me years earlier. The disease has slowly stolen some of her trademark spunk and spark.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Last year, teammates took turns making sure Karla reloaded her neck bandana with ice at every rest stop. The ice kept the back of her neck cool—for a few miles anyway. Further down the road, a teammate periodically, and rather gleefully, sprayed Karla’s face with a water pistol when her cheeks grew red.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Watching Karla struggle, I always feel a sad pang in my chest. Yet she doesn’t feel sad or sorry for herself. Though tired, she continues to ride with grace, humor, and heart. She has become my real-life Ride Angel.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLeTpGtPoWeTdZp-wmOgIE-d2V9GqhSQB9so7xW6ukVhhruOAHCzEVzT-DAseumM2oiVn3uiEHXAjJKXoXWdpQyObyH_xx4AMpn_veb5G5PGv8Exkn_XzuSjjnySoI8Ws1Dx5N-v-Ec-w/s1600/Karla.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLeTpGtPoWeTdZp-wmOgIE-d2V9GqhSQB9so7xW6ukVhhruOAHCzEVzT-DAseumM2oiVn3uiEHXAjJKXoXWdpQyObyH_xx4AMpn_veb5G5PGv8Exkn_XzuSjjnySoI8Ws1Dx5N-v-Ec-w/s320/Karla.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: xx-small;"><strong> Photo by Mare Kretschmar</strong></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><strong>This is Karla on the left. She's why I ride.</strong></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Karla has been a constant inspiration—on and off the road. She has been a tireless fundraiser as well. In 2015, she was inducted into the National Multiple Sclerosis Society’s Fundraisers Hall of Fame. In eight years of rides, Karla raised $100,000 to help find a cure for MS. She remains a passionate spokesperson for the National MS Society and the MS 150. She’s always willing to take time to educate the public about MS by sharing her story—and by riding.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>“So you’re doing the ride again, right?” she asked last year with a sly grin.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>I didn’t hesitate. Sometimes peer pressure can be a gift.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><u><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 13;"> </span></span></u></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">DONATE NOW! Please help me make a difference in the lives of Karla and the </span></i></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">2.3 million people worldwide</span></i></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"> who suffer with MS by making a donation here: <a href="http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Bike/TXHBikeEvents?px=9394915&pg=personal&fr_id=27003">http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Bike/TXHBikeEvents?px=9394915&pg=personal&fr_id=27003</a></span></i></b></span></span></span> </div>
CATHY CHAPATYhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05499043148390154881noreply@blogger.com0